Desperation
by Detective Olivia Stabler
Summary: Six years have past since Olivia married & moved off with her new husband. Now she & her daughter are in danger. And Olivia seeks help from the one man she knows will always be there for her. Can Elliot protect them from the evil that is after them?
1. 1 Runaways

_Desperation _

_(Chapter One:_ _Runaways)_

Olivia drove. She didn't know where she was going. But she drove and didn't look back. She couldn't. There was nothing for her back there now. She trembled a little half cold from the freezing rain that had soaked her body and half from the adrenaline of the events that had taken place less than an hour before.

"Mommy," she heard a small voice from the back seat.

A tear slid down her cheek and she wiped it quickly away before turning to face her five year old daughter.

"Yes baby," she said softly as their brown eyes met.

"Where are we going?"

"I don't know sweetheart. Far away from here."

"Mommy," the little girl said softly still shaken from all of the horrible things she had seen. "Daddy went to Heaven, didn't he?"

Olivia gasped for air trying not to break down in front of her child. She placed her hand over he mouth and nodded her head. "Yes, baby. Daddy's in Heaven now."

Things were quiet for another twenty minutes or so as the child stared out the window into the night. Olivia shifted her eyes to stare at the gas light when she heard the chime.

"Shit," she said hitting the steering wheel. Her husband was horrible at putting gas back into the car. Now here she was, alone on a dark highway. In the middle of the night. In the pouring rain, with a child and no way to get any help.

She looked around the dark road. According to her GPS she was seven miles from the nearest gas station and the needle on the gage was now below the orange line. She crossed her fingers and kept driving. Minutes later she pulled into the closed filling station. She pulled her black SUV around beside the building and shut off the engine.

She looked over her shoulder in the backseat.

"You okay baby?"

"Yeah, mommy I have to go."

"Okay," Olivia said looking around the deserted parking lot. "Come on," She said opening the back door and picking up her daughter. "Mommy has to go, too."

She put the little girl on the ground and pulled a flashlight from the glove box. She pushed the button on her keychain to set the car alarm. She held tight to her daughter's hand as they walked around the building until she found a door marked 'Ladies.'

"Hold this," Olivia said handing the flashlight to her daughter.

"Mommy, it's locked."

Olivia attempted to push the door open, but the padlock holding it shut only allowed it to open a few inches. She slammed her hip against the door with no luck.

"Step back," she said looking down at the little girl. Then she raised her leg and kicked the door open.

"Wow, mommy that was cool."

Olivia laughed reaching for the child's hand. Obviously her days with the New York police department had left their mark on her. Even if it had been nearly six years since she had been back there.

She turned on the light and looked around the room.

"This is gross," the five year old said staring up at her.

"It will have to do for now. Put tissue on the seat and don't touch anything. Here, mommy will help you." She lined the toilet seat with toilet paper and lifted her daughter to sit on it. "Mommy's gonna be right next door."

After washing their hands, Olivia turned out the light and pulled the door shut behind them. She lead her daughter back across the parking lot to their car. She opened the passengers side door and boosted the little girl inside.

She climbed into the backseat and folded down the seats making them a place to sleep for the night. "Push the button and come back here with mommy."

She watched as her daughter pushed the button to lock the doors and made her way between the seats. Olivia balled up her jacket and helped her daughter lay down covering her with the blanket she had grabbed wrapping her daughter in as they ran from the house.

"Mommy?"

"Yes, honey?"

"We didn't brush our teeth."

"Mommy forgot to pack our tooth brushes. I will buy us new ones tomorrow, okay? Just this once."

"Yeah. I love you mommy."

"I love you too, baby. Now close your eyes and try to get some sleep. Mommy's right here with you," Olivia said pulling the little girl close to her and tucking the Disney Princess blanket tight around her. She kissed the little girl's forehead and closed her eyes.

The next morning Olivia climbed into the front of the car and riffled through the glove box searching for the twenty dollar bill she kept there for emergencies. She pulled it out also finding her wallet under the passenger seat.

She laughed as she opened it to find seven dollars cash and a Visa Platinum card. She pulled the card and her drivers license from the wallet and slipped them into her back pocket. She started the car and pulled around to the gas pump.

"Baby," she said softly reaching to the back of the seat.

The little girl stirred and opened her eyes.

"Hey sweetheart. Mommy is going to pump some gas. Then we need to try and use the bathroom again before we leave, okay."

She nodded her head and rubbed her eyes. "Okay, mommy."

"Are you hungry?"

She nodded her head again.

Olivia winked at her. "Wait here and let me full up the gas tank, okay. Then we'll go get something to eat."

The little girl leaned forward and kissed her gently on the lips. "I love you mama."

"I love you," Olivia said brushing her fingertip over her daughters freckled nose.

She pumped the gas and took her daughter to visit the restroom again. They walked around the little convenience store for a few minutes as Olivia grabbed a few necessities. She got them tooth brushes, some groceries, a couple of travel games for her daughter and a coloring book and crayons.

"That comes to forty seven fifty, ma'am."

Olivia stared down at the cash in her hand then tucked it into her pocket. She laid the credit card on the counter and pressed her lips nervously together. "Can I get a cash advance off that?" She asked knowing very well that every transaction she made with the card was easily traceable.

"There's an ATM in the corner. You can do it there. Up to two hundred, I think."

"Thanks," Olivia said as he bagged her things and she signed the receipt. She pulled two hundred dollars cash from the ATM and tucked it into her pocket. "Where is the nearest bus station?" She asked the man behind the counter.

"About seventy miles up this road. In a little town call Millspring."

"Millspring," she repeated. "And a department store?"

"Yes, they have one of those as well."

"Thanks," Olivia said holding the door for her daughter as they headed for the car.

Olivia drove to Milspring and found the department store. Inside she bought them each some clothes and a couple of duffel bags. She walked around the store for a few minutes trying to think of anything else they needed.

"Look mommy," her daughter said pointing to a doll on a shelf. "Isn't she pretty?"

"She's very pretty," Olivia said kneeling beside the little girl to inspect the doll.

"She has brown hair and brown eyes. Just like me."

"She sure does. Would you like her?"

Olivia watched as a smile spread across the little girl's face. For a five year old she was very well mannered and very seldom asked for anything. But they had left so quickly that she didn't have any of her things with her.

"Yes, please."

"Okay, you carry her. We need to get going."

They checked out and Olivia carried their bags to the car and quickly stuffed their clothes and what few groceries and personal things they had inside.

"Okay, baby. We have to hurry." They walked a few blocks down the street to the bus station leaving her black SUV parked in the store parking lot.

Olivia paced the floor of the bus station waiting for the bus to arrive. It had been so long since she had been back and she didn't exactly leave on the best terms. She and Elliot had fallen out of touch just before she had moved away six years ago and she hadn't heard from him since.

Now, she couldn't think of anyone else in the world that could possibly help her. New York was the only place she knew to go. And Elliot, the only person she knew she could trust.

Finally they were able to board the bus and in two days, they would be back in New York. Olivia watched as her daughter curled up with her new doll and her blanket coloring a picture. She had been through so much more than any child should ever have to face.

Olivia closed her eyes and tried to get some sleep. Soon they would be back where she belonged. Soon they would be safe.


	2. 2 Home

_Desperation_

_(Chapter Two: Home)_

Elliot couldn't sleep so he went in to work early. It was still dark outside and pouring rain, again. He got off the elevator and walked to his desk expecting a few quiet hours of alone time to do some paperwork before everyone else arrived.

He sat down at his desk and took a deep breath stretching and folding his fingers behind his head. This place was so quiet and almost peaceful when no one else was here. It always gave him perfect focus, sitting here alone and flipping through a file. He seemed to get more work done alone these days.

He looked across at his partner's empty desk in front of him. He had been partnered with Fin for quite a while now and they had gotten pretty used to working together. But as good a partner as he was, he could never compare to her. Not in Elliot's mind anyway.

Elliot took a deep breath and stared at the empty chair remembering the days so long ago when her coat draped the back and she sat in it. She would click her pen repeatedly, driving him nuts as she stared down at a file. Then run her fingers through her dark hair and smile at him as she caught him staring, looking into him with those warm brown eyes.

He would never forget her. And as he sat there now staring at the empty desk he wondered how stupid he could have been to let her slip away forever. There was a time when she was his. The one time he held her, even if it was only for one night. _It_ was the best night of his life. And he being too stubborn to tell her what she needed to hear, what he felt in his heart, let her slip away. And instead of running after her, Elliot went back home to his wife. Back home to his miserable life and a loveless marriage. And he had regretted that decision every second since.

Soon after Olivia married the man she was engaged to. He was a doctor of some kind from Galveston, in town on business when they met by chance and began dating. It was the fear of losing her to another man that had prompted Elliot to take the chance and make a move in the first place. And one rainy night, a lot like this one, after a few drinks and a bad day at work he walked her home from the bar. But this night was different. This night as Olivia turned to go inside; Elliot leaned in and kissed her goodnight. A kiss that heated up quickly leading them both straight down the hall to her bedroom, where they spent all night making love.

And the next morning when they woke naked in each other's arms he could tell by the way she gazed into his eyes all it would have took to get her to stay was to tell her the truth. To say those three little words she needed so badly to hear and he wanted so badly to say. But they were never said. Lost somewhere between satin sheets and the promises they had both made to other lovers. Elliot gathered his things and went home to Kathy.

Nothing was ever said about their little affair. Their one night fling. He was married and she promised to another man. And three days later she boarded a plane and flew to Texas and married him. Leaving Elliot behind with his life. His wife and broken marriage and his children. All he had to do was tell her that he loved her. And she would have been his forever.

Elliot exhaled again rubbing his hands over his face. Six years kicking himself for being so stubborn hadn't brought her back. She was gone now. His missed his chance and he screwed it up. Now he may never see her again and she would never know how he truly felt about her.

Just then Fin walked out of Cragen's office. He went to his desk pulling a file out and headed for the door.

"What's up partner?" Elliot said looking over at him.

"Not much. Came in a little early to do a favor for a friend. I'm gonna head home and get a couple hours sleep. I'll be back in time for court."

"Good. Because Casey will put me back on if you don't show. And I am pretty sure they have all heard everything they want to hear from me."

Fin walked out and climbed onto the elevator. Elliot walked to the coffee pot and started a pot of fresh coffee. He stood in front of the board for a few minutes studying the pictures from the case they were working then poured himself a cup of coffee and walked back to his desk. As he did Cragen walked out of his office with his coffee cup in one hand and a file in another.

"What brings you here so early Cap?" Elliot asked leaning back in his chair.

"Well, I didn't figure I'd be getting back to sleep after getting a call from your partner three hours ago. I figured I'd just come in early and get some work done. What's your excuse?"

"The rain. I couldn't sleep because of the rain." Elliot didn't bother telling him that it was because the rain reminded him of Olivia and the night they shared before she left. Or that when he lay in bed and listened to the rain he would dream of her. That he was still, six years later, hung up on her. "The rain. So why exactly would Fin call you at two o'clock in the morning?"

"What are you talking about?"

"You said my partner called you three hours ago."

"I know what I said. Your other partner."

Elliot gulped and his eyes jumped to meet Cragen's. "Olivia? Called you? Is she okay?"

"She's fine. Fin picked her up from the bus station just over two hours ago."

"She's here?"

"She's here."

"In Manhattan?"

"In the cribs," Cragen said pointing over his shoulder. "Sleeping. You should probably let her stay that way. Looks like she hasn't slept in days. Her or the kid."

"She has a kid?"

"Little girl. Bout five or six. Looks just like Olivia."

Elliot smiled at the thought of Olivia having a child. He had always known she would make a wonderful mother someday.

"Her husband isn't with her?"

"No, from what I understand the husband is dead. She didn't say much. Just that they had to get away from some men. She didn't have anywhere to go. She called me from the station when she got to town. Fin was closer so I called him."

"Why didn't you call me?"

"It doesn't matter, Elliot. She is home and she is safe. That is all that matters."

"No. Someone should have called me. I would have gladly picked her up, you know that."

"I know that. But for whatever reason she asked me not to call you. She acted like she was a little weary about seeing you again. I figured you guys had a falling out before she left."

"I guess we kind of did. I didn't stay in touch with her. I haven't talked to her since she left."

"Six years is a long time Elliot. Give her a little time. I think she has a lot going on right now. She'll come around."

"Yeah," Elliot walked back to his desk and took a seat. Olivia had come home.

He opened his file again and tried to get some work done, but it was no use. He closed the file again and walked down the hall toward the cribs. Elliot pushed the door open slowly allowing a small beam of light to spill in from the hallway. There she laid curled up on a bottom bunk, a small child in her arms, sound asleep. God it was so good to see her again.

Elliot stepped a little closer and knelt down beside the bed to get a better look at her. Her hair was much lighter than he remembered, almost blonde. It was longer and wavy. She wore dark eye makeup and a soft blush. Her fingernails were painted a shade of soft pink that matched her daughter's little fingernails. She had one arm crossed protectively over the little girl and the child clutched a brown eyed baby doll in one hand and a soft pink blanket with Cinderella on it in the other.

Elliot smiled as he looked at her. She was beautiful and looked exactly like her mother. Somewhere in his mind he was taken briefly back to a time when his little girls were this size. It had been so long ago. Two of them were now in college and the third a junior in high school. He reached out and tucked the blanket tighter around the little girl.

As he leaned back he placed a soft kiss on Olivia's forehead. "Welcome home, Liv."

And with that he stood to walk out of the room.

As the door closed and darkness fell over the room once more, Olivia opened her eyes. "Thanks El," she whispered softly then nestled in against her daughter to try and go back to sleep.


	3. 3 Safe Haven

_**Thanks to CrImInAlMiNdScSiNyFaN87, MarkedOne317 and MaraposaAngel18 for the help and allowing me to bounce ideas off you!!! You Guys ROCK!!!**_

_Desperation_

_(Chapter Three: Safe Haven)_

Olivia opened her eyes and stretched. She looked down at her daughter curled up beside her and smiled. She rolled over to look on the clock on the wall only then fully remembering where they were and the circumstances that had put them there. It was just after eight thirty in the morning, Tuesday she thought, but couldn't be sure.

She combed her fingers through the little girl's hair and gently kissed her forehead. Just then she heard a knock at the door.

"Yes," she answered turning her head to face the door.

"Liv, it's El. Can I come in for a minute?"

"Sure."

But when the door opened she had never expected to feel the way she did. That was when it hit her how much she had really missed him and how glad she was to be back home.

"Hey," he said walking to the side of the bed and sitting in the floor.

"Hey," she said with a smile.

"So I was thinking, when you guys are up and ready to start your day maybe I could take you out for some breakfast. It'll give us a chance to do some catching up. You can explain a few things," he said pointing to the little girl asleep beside her.

Olivia laughed. "Well, you see Elliot. When two people are in love…"

"Smart ass," he smirked. "She's beautiful, Liv."

"Thank you. She is my entire world."

"Hello sweetheart," Elliot said with a warm smile as the child stared up at him with her mother's eyes.

She blinked once then hid her face against Olivia's side.

"It's okay," Olivia coaxed. "This is mommy's friend Elliot. Can you say hello?"

She pulled her blanket up by her face and peeked over the soft pink mound of fabric at him for a minute. All Elliot could see were brown eyes and a freckled nose as a little voice spoke to him.

"Hello, Elliot."

"We're a little shy at first. But once she gets to know you, it's a whole other story."

"What's her name?" Elliot said as the doll appeared from under the blanket.

Olivia brushed some brown locks from her little girl's eyes and smiled. "Maggie."

"Hi there, Maggie. I have a little boy who is just a few years older than you. His name is Eli."

Elliot watched as the girl giggled.

"No El, the doll's name is Maggie. Tell him your name," Olivia said twisting a strand of dark hair between her fingers.

"McKenna Brianne Daws."

"That's a very pretty name. How old are you McKenna?"

"Five."

"Wow, you're five? I'll bet you're almost six. When is your birthday?"

She rose up from under her blanket and smiled at him.

"January twenty third."

"You have the same birthday as your mommy?"

"Yes. I was mommy's birthday present."

"What a great present. I bet mommy was so happy to get you for her birthday."

McKenna turned her big brown eyes up to look at her mother.

"Yup," Olivia said with a smile. "That was the best birthday present I have ever had."

She smiled and hugged Olivia tight. "I love you, mommy."

Olivia kissed the top of her head. "I love you too, honey."

"I was just asking your mommy if you guys were hungry. I know a place where we can go and get some pancakes. Do you like pancakes?"

"Yes," she said with a smile.

"Boy are you in luck. This place has really good pancakes. And bacon and eggs. Biscuits and gravy. Anything you want."

"You're making me hungry," McKenna laughed.

"I was also thinking," he said looking at Olivia, "you could pack up your stuff and come stay with me."

"I don't know, El."

"Come on Liv, I have a big empty apartment. Plenty of room. And you can't exactly stay here long term."

"I guess not," she said looking around her.

"Olivia, don't be stubborn. Let me help you."

"Okay," she said. "But only until I can find a place of my own."

"So you're staying?"

"I was thinking about it."

"Well, you know it will take you a little while to get on your feet. You are more than welcome to stay as long as you like."

"Thanks, El. Can you give us a few minutes to change and get cleaned up?"

"Sure. I'll go get some fresh coffee started," he said with a smile.

Olivia locked the door after he left the room and they both got dressed for the day. She took out a brush from her bag and pulled McKenna's hair back into a pony tail, then helped her buckle her sandals. She pulled on a pair of blue jeans and a Blue tank top then pulled her hair back as well.

"Can you hold these?" Olivia asked handing McKenna their toothbrushes and the toothpaste. She slipped the straps of both bags over her shoulder and folded the blanket across them. "Don't forget Maggie," she said pointing to the doll on the bed as McKenna ran to pick her up.

Olivia held their toothbrushes in one hand and McKenna held tight to her other as they made their way to the ladies room to brush their teeth. Moments later they joined Elliot at his desk and headed out to breakfast.

Elliot took them to a place with a large breakfast buffet and a pancake and waffle bar. He held McKenna's hand and helped her mix her own chocolate chip pecan blueberry pancakes. And carry them back to the table. Olivia sat down with her usual cup of coffee, half a grapefruit and a cup of granola cereal with yogurt. While Elliot fixed a large plate of bacon, sausage and scrambled eggs with toast.

After breakfast he took them back to his apartment to help them get settled in.

"You can share Elizabeth's room for now if you want. There's a queen sized bed and plenty of room in the closet and dresser. The TV has cable. I can pull the nightlight from Eli's room if you like. After she gets a little more used to the place I move the desk to the living room and put a twin bed in the spare room for her. Give you a little privacy."

"This is perfect, Elliot thank you so much."

"No problem. The kids all end up sleeping in the boy's room anyway. The older girls don't really come anymore. I see them on Sunday's for church and take all the kids out for dinner afterward. They are busy with school."

"They all sound so grown up.

"They are, Liv. Eli will be eight. The twins are gonna be seventeen. And the girls are twenty and twenty two."

Olivia smiled. "It seems so strange to think of them all so big. I remember when Eli was born. Seems like just a couple of years ago. Of course have been, she's almost six." She looked over at McKenna as she yawned while watching TV. "If you don't mind I think I'm gonna get us unpacked and give her a bath. We have been living in the car and on a bus for the last three days."

"Sure. Listen, I actually have to go back to work for a while. But I'm leaving my credit card on the counter and I have my cell phone if you guys need anything. Does she like pizza?"

"El, she's five. Pizza is the best food on Earth."

Elliot laughed. "I'll be home around five. I'll pick up a pizza and some beer. Can she have soda?"

"No caffeine."

"Orange it is."

Olivia smiled.

"There are not many groceries in the house. I'll leave some cab money on the counter if you want to go out. Or you can make a list and I can go pick a few things up later. Try to relax. You have both been through a lot. Maybe tonight after she's asleep we'll get a chance to sit down and have some grown up talk."

Olivia nodded as tears began to well up in her eyes. "Thanks."

"No problem. Welcome home." He turned to leave. "Oh and Liv…"

"Yes?"

"Cartoons are on channels seventeen, nineteen, twenty four, twenty five and twenty nine."

Olivia laughed. "Thanks, El."

Elliot laughed as he walked out of the apartment.

Olivia ran a bath for McKenna then put her in the bedroom with a movie while she took a quick shower leaving the bathroom door open. After her shower she blow dried both of their hair. Then Olivia, McKenna and Maggie laid down for a nap.

That evening Elliot returned home with a pizza and a few other groceries including beer, orange soda, ice cream, chocolate milk and Lucky Charms cereal. After dinner and a bowl of ice cream McKenna brushed her teeth and settled into the bedroom watching a movie until she finally fell asleep around eight o'clock.

Olivia went to check on her a few minutes later. She kissed her forehead and placed Maggie in McKenna's arms as she pulled the blanket up around her and tucked her in. She turned off the television and turned on the night light, then made her way back to the living room to join Elliot.

He handed her a beer and watched as she sat down and exhaled deeply.

"You are doing a great job with her," he said watching as she allowed herself to tear up for the first time all week.

"I just want to protect her. I am so afraid, Elliot"

"Do you want to tell me about it?"

"I need to talk about it. I haven't told anyone. I haven't had anyone to talk to but my five year old and her doll. McKenna saw everything, Elliot."

He watched Olivia as she began to break down.

"Liv?"

"We were at home in Galveston. That is where I moved after James and I got married. He had his office there, Dr. James Daws. Everything was story book perfect until the last week. James had his practice and I stayed home with her. We were even trying to have another baby. Three nights ago. It was probably around ten thirty when I woke up to hear shouting in the living room. I got up and slipped my jeans on. I walked toward the living room to see what was going on. There were three men trashing the house. They were looking for money, I think. They had already hit James a few times with a gun and one guy was waving a knife around and yelling at him. I saw them stab James and cut his throat. I was standing in the hallway. When I turned around she was standing behind me crying," Olivia sobbed. "She saw the entire thing."

"That's horrible, Liv."

"It get's worse. As they trashed the place one of them made his way to the back of the house. I had grabbed McKenna and gone into her room to climb out the window. The guy caught me opening the window and he threw me up against the wall. I was unarmed. She started crying and he hit her, hard, pushing her to the floor. He was high on something, I could see it in his eyes. He waved the knife around and locked the bedroom door. He held me down and I swear to God Elliot, I thought he was going to rape me there in front of my child. I told her to close her eyes. I could hear her crying. I closed my eyes and just prayed somehow we would make it out alive. He ripped some buttons off my shirt and was trying to undo my pants. I tried to fight him. All I could think about was her. Somehow in the struggle, I got the knife. I stabbed him, Elliot. My five year old child watched me murder a man. I picked her up and wrapped her in the blanket. She was wearing still in her pajamas. I climbed out the window and got into the garage. I didn't have the keys to the car, but James kept a set of keys to the SUV in the glove box of the car. I told McKenna to lay down in the back floor board and I got us the hell out of there. I just drove. As far as I could on a quarter tank of gas. A couple of hours. We spent the night in a gas station parking lot waiting for it to open. The next morning I used my credit card to get gas, a few groceries and a cash advance. We drove to another town and I got two bus tickets. This was the only place I knew we would be safe."

"I'm glad you came here. But Olivia, do you realize how easy it is to track a credit card? They could track you from the bus tickets you bought."

"No. I thought of that. The two tickets I purchased on my credit card were going to Montréal. An elderly couple paid cash for my cheaper New York tickets and we traded."

"Smart move."

"I left the car at a department store where I got us some clothes. And I bought her Maggie. We left so quickly I had to leave all of her things behind. She was looking at that doll at the store. I didn't have the heart to tell her no."

"Where is the credit card now?"

"I tossed it. Out the window at the bus station. I was kind of hoping someone would find it and use it somewhere else. And I need to talk to Casey. Casey still works for the DA, right?"

"Yes."

"They are going to be looking for Olivia Daws, Elliot. I can't let anyone find me. Those men know that we saw what they did. I am sure by now they are after us. As far as I am concerned, Olivia Daws died back there in that house."

"What are you going to do?"

"Whatever it takes to protect my child. Starting with changing my legal name back to Benson, hers too."

"Maybe you should just stay here until this mess blows over. The minute you lease an apartment or turn on power in your name they can track it. Assuming they do eventually make the connection to Olivia Benson. But Liv, you know you are not alone in this, right?"

She stared at him for a moment. "I just have to keep her safe, Elliot. No matter what."

"I will do everything I can to help you," he said tucking a strand of hair behind her ear. "Blonde," Elliot said with a smile, "I never figured I would see you as a blonde."

"It isn't blonde. It is golden red."

"It is blonde, but it's nice."

"I have to change it. They will be looking for me."

"Tomorrow I am going to go get you a cell phone under my bill. I don't want you leaving this house without it. Keep that credit card incase you need anything. I will call them tomorrow and add you as an authorized user on the account. You should give Casey a call.

"Yeah," Olivia said sitting her beer down on the table.

"Mommy?" McKenna called down the hall.

"I should go on to bed. She has bad dreams. I don't want her to be scared in a new place."

"Neither of you have to be scared anymore, Olivia. I am going to help you. Both of you. We're gonna get you through this."

"Good night, El."

"Good night, Liv."

Elliot leaned forward and kissed her forehead then watched as she disappeared down the hall and into the bedroom.


	4. 4 Deception

_**Desperation**_

_**(Chapter Four: Deception)**_

_**Six Weeks Later**_

Olivia opened her eyes in the darkness as she heard the cries again.

"Mommy," McKenna called from the other room.

She quickly pulled herself from her bed making her way down the hall to the room where her daughter now slept. Olivia opened the door to find the little girl sitting up in the bed crying. Her face was covered in tears and her bed sheets soaked.

"It's okay sweetheart," Olivia said pulling her daughter into her arms and holding her tight. "Shhh," she said rocking the little girl as she kissed her forehead to try and calm her. "You okay?" Olivia asked brushing tears from her cheeks.

"Yeah. I had a bad dream."

"It's alright honey. Sometimes mommy has bad dreams, too. Do you want to tell me what it was about?"

"The bad guys that hurt daddy. In my dream they hurt you too mommy. And when I woke up I couldn't find you. I thought you were gone."

"No, McKenna. No. Mommy would never leave you, baby. I promise. Lets change your clothes, okay?"

McKenna nodded and walked across the room to the dresser pulling out a clean night gown and stepped out of her dirty clothes. Olivia picked up Maggie off the bed and scooped McKenna up into her arms. "Do you want to sleep with mommy tonight?"

McKenna nodded and hugged her tight. Olivia carried McKenna toward her room. As she walked down the hall Elliot stepped out of his room.

"Everything alright?" He asked.

"Yeah," Olivia said softly kissing her daughter's forehead, "bad dream."

"Did you have a scary dream honey?" Elliot asked the little girl.

"Yes," she said softly nestling her forehead against Olivia's neck.

"Kay," Olivia said putting her down in the hall, "why don't you go on and get in mommy's bed. I'm gonna grab the night light then I will be in."

"Okay, mommy."

"Night princess," Elliot said waving to her as she passed him in the hallway dragging her doll and blanket.

"Night Elliot," she said disappearing into Olivia's room.

"She alright?" Elliot asked following Olivia back into McKenna's room as she gathered the wet bedclothes and pajamas.

"I really don't know. She's still having nightmares. And she wet to bed."

"Olivia, she's five. Little kids wet to bed all the time. It isn't a big deal."

"She doesn't. She hasn't since she was two. I don't know what to do to help her."

"What did the pediatrician say?"

"He wants to medicate her for the bedwetting. I don't want them drugging her for something like that. This isn't normal and it didn't start until after we came to New York. I'm positive it is because of all of this stuff with James' murder. She is terrified Elliot. She wont talk to me about it and I have no idea what to do to help her."

"Have you thought about taking her to see someone? There are many therapists who work with kids. We recommend them for our child victims all of the time. Sometimes it really helps them."

"I don't know anyone. I don't trust anyone."

"What about Haung? I could call him. See if he could talk with her. Maybe he could recommend someone if he thinks she needs continued therapy."

"Do you think he would see her?"

"Do a favor for an old friend? I'm sure."

Olivia smiled.

"I'll call him in the morning and see if we can set up some kind of meeting."

"Thank you, Elliot."

"I'll do anything I can to help her. You know that."

"I should get back in there before she gets all worked up again."

"Liv," Elliot said as she turned around and he handed her the nightlight.

Olivia smiled and headed back to her room climbing in bed with her daughter.

The next morning she woke to the sound of Elliot's ring tone from her cell phone. She rolled over and answered before it woke McKenna up.

"Hey El."

"Hey, how's she doing?"

"Sleeping right now. She had a little trouble getting back to sleep, but after that she slept pretty well."

"Good. Listen, I spoke to Haung this morning and he wanted to know if you could bring her by the precinct to talk to him today."

"Today? That soon?"

"Liv, the sooner he can see her the sooner we can figure out how to help her."

"You're right. What time?"

"How about ten o'clock? I'll take you guys out to lunch when he's finished with her."

"Okay. Tell him we will be there."

"I'll see you later."

"Bye, El."

Olivia hung up the phone and laid back in the bed. It was just after seven thirty now. She watched McKenna sleep for a few minutes, then set her alarm clock to get a couple more hours sleep herself, before they had to go in and meet with Dr. Haung.

Olivia held McKenna's hand in hers as they climbed the steps to the precinct. In McKenna's other hand, her doll Maggie tagged along as well.

"Hi Elliot," she squealed as they stepped off the elevator and she ran to his side.

"Hey, princess. Did you come to visit me at work?"

"Yes. My mommy's here, too."

"She is?" Elliot picked McKenna up in his arms and carried her in to the bull pen, holding the little girl on his shoulders. "Do you remember Fin from before?"

"Yes. Hi Fin."

"Hey there," Fin said waving at her.

"Okay honey," Elliot said sitting her on the edge of his desk. "Why don't you sit here and draw me a picture for my desk?" Elliot handed her a handful of different colored highlighters and a couple of sheets of printer paper. McKenna sat in Elliot's chair and began to color on the paper. A picture with a rainbow and flowers and butterflies.

"He's on his way. He just called me," Elliot said looking up at Olivia. "Don't be nervous. This is good for her. Maybe she just needs to talk about it."

"I hope it is that simple."

"I also got a call from Warner. She had a copy of James' autopsy report faxed to her and she wants to go over it with you."

"Why would she want to review the autopsy report with me? I know how he died. I saw it happen."

"Here he is," Elliot said as Dr. Haung walked in from the hall.

"Hey Liv," he said reaching to shake her hand.

"Hey."

"So this little lady, must be McKenna."

"Yes, she is. Kenna, come here honey and say hi to mommy's friend Dr. Haung."

McKenna put the cap back on the highlighter and laid it down on the desk beside her picture. She walked to Olivia's side and took her mother's hand.

"Hi Dr. Haung."

"Hello McKenna. Your mommy tells me you have been having bad dreams."

"Sometimes I do."

"Well, I am a doctor. And sometimes I can help make bad dreams go away. Your mommy asked me to talk to you and see if I can help."

McKenna turned and looked up at Olivia.

"It's okay baby," Olivia said kneeling beside her. "Come here, I want to show you something." She lead her daughter by the hand into the interview room they used for children. The room had many shelves and tables and was full of books and toys. "Dr. Haung is gonna sit in here and talk to you. And you can tell him anything. All the things you are scared of and the things that happen in your dreams. He will probably ask you a couple of questions. Just tell him the truth, okay?"

McKenna nodded her head. "Where are you going, mommy?"

"Mommy is going to wait right outside this door with Elliot. If you get scared, if you need mommy, you just tell Dr. Haung and mommy will come in here with you."

"Can Maggie come in with me?"

"Sure, honey." Olivia walked her over to a table in the center of the room that had drawing paper and crayons on it. She leaned down and kissed McKenna, tucking a piece of her hair behind her ear. "Mommy will be right outside that door."

"Okay mommy."

Olivia smiled at Dr. Haung as she walked past him and out the door. He stood for a moment and looked down at McKenna as she sat clutching her doll in her hand.

"So McKenna, what is your dolly's name?" He said as he walked around the table and sat down in front of her.

"Her name is Maggie. Mommy bought her for me. Before we came to New York."

"She is very pretty."

"Thank you."

"Would you like to draw a picture for me?"

"Okay. What kind of picture do you want?"

"What pictures do you like to draw?"

"I make good rainbows. I can draw flowers and birds and dogs."

"I saw the picture you drew for your uncle Elliot. It was very pretty."

"He's not my uncle. He's my friend. And my mommy's friend. We live at his house."

"Do you like living there?"

"Yes. It is fun to live with Elliot, he's nice. He buys me ice cream and lets me watch cartoons. And he taught me to make pancakes."

"He did?"

"Yes."

"McKenna, do you have bad dreams a lot?"

He watched as her smile slowly faded and she hugged her doll.

"I don't like them. They are scary. They make me cry."

"Can you tell me about them?"

"They are bad. And the bad men are in them."

"What bad men, McKenna?"

"The bad men that hurt my daddy."

Olivia turned to look at Elliot as they watched through the window outside the interview room. Elliot placed his hand against the back of her shoulder for support.

"McKenna," Haung continued, "can you tell me how the men hurt your daddy?"

"I…" she stopped for a minute with tears in her eyes and squeezed her doll. She looked up at him and sat quietly for a few minutes. "You are a doctor?"

"Yes."

"My daddy was a doctor."

"Was, McKenna?"

"Yes. But now he's in Heaven."

"Honey, can you draw me a picture? Show me what the bad men did to your daddy."

Olivia stood crying praying somehow McKenna didn't know. But she knew better.

"The bad men were in our house. They were yelling at my daddy. I woke up and went to see why daddy was yelling. Mommy was in the hall. And daddy was hurt. Then one of the bad men hurt my daddy in the throat with a knife. Daddy fell down on the floor. I was crying. Mommy picked me up and we went in my room. We tried to get away but one of the bad men ran after us. He pushed me down and tried to hurt my mommy. Mommy cried. The man had a knife and wanted to hurt my mommy with it. But mommy got it and she hurt him first. Then we got in our car and went away. We rode a train to New York and Fin brought us here."

"McKenna, do you remember what the bad men looked like?"

"Yes."

"Can you draw them for me?" He asked handing her a box of crayons.

"Yes," she said taking out a few crayons. "One man had black hair and a blue shirt. It had a number four on it." As she told him she drew it out on the paper in front of her. "One was a big man. Bigger than you."

"He was tall?"

"Yes. He had brown hair. He had a thing on his arm. A picture. Like Elliot."

"He had a tattoo?"

"Yes."

"Do you know what the picture was?"

"It was hands."

"Hands?"

"Umm hmm. Like this," she said climbing from her chair to place his palms together.

"Praying hands?"

"Yes."

"Good girl. McKenna, is there anything else you remember about the bad men?"

"The man that hurt my daddy, he had that picture on his arm, too. He wore a black hat and a black shirt. He had a tear on his face. Right here," she said touching just under is eye.

"Okay," he said laying the picture she drew of the men aside and giving her a blank page. "Now this time can you draw me a picture about your bad dreams?"

"No," she said dropping her crayon and holding tight to her doll again.

"Can you tell me? Maybe if we talk about it you will feel better."

"Sometimes when I sleep I see them hurting my daddy again. And there is blood and it is scary." She looked at him as she started to cry. "Sometimes in my bad dreams they hurt my mommy, too. Then she goes away. And she is in Heaven with my daddy and I'm sad. And when I wake up I'm scared and I cry. Then mommy comes in and then I go sleep in her bed."

"Does it make you feel better to sleep in mommy's bed?"

"Yes. I'm not scared anymore. Because when I open my eyes, my mommy is right there."

"McKenna, why do you think you have the bad dreams?"

"Because I am scared of the bad men."

"Scared of what?"

"Scared that they will find us and they will hurt my mommy, too."

Haung smiled at her.

"Honey, I don't think you have anything to worry about. Your mommy has a lot of friends here. Police friends and they are going to help make sure that you and your mommy are safe from the bad men."

"Can I see my mommy now?" She asked blinking her big brown eyes.

"I'll tell you what. Why don't you play here for a minute? Color a pretty picture for her. I am going to step out and talk to her for a minute and I will see if Elliot can come in here with you. Okay?"

"Okay," McKenna said with a big smile as she picked up the crayons again.

Dr. Haung picked up the picture she drew of their suspects and walked out of the room. Moments later Elliot walked in to sit with McKenna, bringing her an orange soda and allowing Olivia a change to talk alone with Haung about his session with her little girl.

"So?" Olivia asked nervously.

"She has an amazing memory. She is a very smart little girl."

"Thank you. Is she okay?"

"A little traumatized from what she saw. But the images are crystal clear in her mind. Most five year olds only remember small pieces of events like this and they sort of make up the rest to fill in the blanks. It all blends together in their mind creating a sort of mock memory. McKenna's memory is very clear. She remembers every second of that night."

"Is that a good thing?"

"Excellent. For a witness."

Olivia looked at him for a moment. "No. She is too young. A jury would never believe the testimony of a five year old anyway."

"Liv, I am not asking you to use her. I am just saying, she has an amazing attention to detail. The memories are vivid in her mind. So when she dreams them in her head it is like she is there all over again. She isn't just remembering it, she is reliving it."

"How do I make it stop?"

"Unfortunately, you can't. It will eventually go away on it's own. She is having these dreams for fear of losing you. She watched three men murder her father. It is only natural that she fear losing you as a result of that. It is horrible. But it is perfectly normal."

"And the bedwetting?"

"It is the fear. Insecurity. Does she wet to bed when she sleeps with you?"

"No. The pediatrician wanted to put her on a medication for it. What do you think?"

"I don't personally think medicine is going to fix this. It is psychological. It is not a medical condition. Once she starts to relax and realize that you are not going to leave her, when she feels completely safe for herself and for you again, it will eventually stop. I say just wait it out. Do what you can to make her feel secure in her environment. She will adapt. Kids are amazingly resilient."

"Do I need to start her in therapy of some kind?"

"I wouldn't just yet. Therapy is generally used to help people remember the traumatic event so that they can relive it and face it then begin to move on. McKenna is already at that stage right now. I would like to meet with her in a few weeks, just for a follow up if you don't mind. Just to make sure she is progressing and not regressing. Of course if things get worse, nightmares worse or more frequent or any other symptoms, then give me a call. I can recommend a colleague who works really well with children who have encountered similar trauma. But I really think she will come out of this on her own."

"Thank you so much for seeing her. I have been so worried."

"Hang in there, Liv. She is an amazing little girl. And if you need me, give me a call."

With that Dr. Haung handed her the picture McKenna drew of the bad men and walked out of the room. Olivia folded the picture in half and watched through the window as Elliot colored pictures with her daughter. She exhaled softly and stepped inside the room.

"Mommy," McKenna shouted running to Olivia.

"Hey baby," Olivia said kissing her forehead.

"Did I do good? For the doctor?"

"Yes, honey. You did very good. What do you say we go get some lunch?"

"That is a good idea," McKenna said with a smile. "Look mom, I drew you a picture of a butterfly."

"That is really good. Thank you sweetheart. Let's take it home so we can hang it on the refrigerator."

"Yeah."

Elliot closed the coloring book and followed Olivia and McKenna toward the bullpen. As they got there Dr. Warner walked in.

"I was hoping to find you before you left. I have a few things I really need to discuss with you," she said looking at Olivia.

"Umm," she looked around the room.

"Hey McKenna, you want to type a letter on my computer?" Fin asked the little girl.

"Can I mommy?"

"Sure," Olivia said kissing the top of her head. She watched as McKenna climbed up in a chair beside Fin's desk. 'Thank you,' she mouthed across the room to him.

'No problem,' he mouthed back.

Elliot and Olivia followed Melinda Warner into the hall to talk.

"What is going on?" Olivia asked.

"Well, first of all I had F.B.I. contact my office because I requested these. They are looking for you. They want to ask you some questions. The agent gave me his cell number and asked me to have you call him if I heard from you. I told him I would, but I probably wouldn't see you."

"I need to talk to them. I just wanted to make sure she was safe first. Things have been so crazy."

"I wish I could say I was about to make them easier. But I'm afraid that isn't the case."

"What do you mean?"

"Was your husband on pain medication for anything?"

"No, not that I know of. Why?"

"Because he had a large amount of Oxycontin in his system at the time of his death. It is a very strong, very addicting pain medication. Similar to Morphine. "

"I know what it is, I just don't know why he would be using it."

"Olivia, judging by the deterioration of his liver he had been using something for quite some time."

"What? You mean he was addicted to prescription drugs?"

"He was a doctor. He could write the script himself and no one would ever think anything of it. Many of these types of drugs are supplied to clinics and offices in samples. It wouldn't be hard for him to hide an addiction from you if he supplied the drugs himself."

"I can't believe this. Are you sure?"

"There is more," Melinda said looking through the glass door at McKenna sitting beside Fin. "How old is your daughter?"

"She's five, why?"

"And you are sure James Daws was her father?"

"What the hell kind of question is that? Of course I'm sure!"

"Olivia, the autopsy report showed your husband had a vasectomy nearly ten years ago."

"No. That can't be right," Olivia said taking the file from her hand to look at it. "This is wrong. We were trying to get pregnant again. This can't be right."

"I thought maybe the timing was wrong. So I requested a copy of his medical history as well." She opened a file and pointed to a highlighted passage. "There it is. He had a vasectomy ten years ago when he was married to his first wife."

Olivia stood in shock as tears began to stream down her face. She turned and looked back at McKenna. "There is no way James could be her father?" She almost stuttered.

"I'm afraid not."

"Oh my God," Olivia whispered as she wiped her hands over her face.

"Look Olivia, I am sorry. I wish I had better news. But I saw it and I thought you needed to know."

"Umm, thank you," Olivia almost sobbed wiping tears from her eyes.

Melinda looked at Elliot, "you know where to find me if you need anything."

"Thanks Melinda," Elliot said.

Olivia stood and stared at her daughter through the glass as she cried.

"This doesn't mean anything, Liv." Elliot placed one hand on her shoulder squeezing it gently. "She is still yours."

"I was married to a complete stranger for six years. Everything I ever knew about him was a lie."

"Let's get out of here," Elliot said avoiding the obvious question in his mind. There would be a time for him to talk to her about it. But he just didn't think that time was right now.

Olivia wiped her face and opened the door. "McKenna, tell Fin bye. It's time to go."

She watched as McKenna hugged Fin and he handed her the letter they had typed together on his computer. She ran to Olivia and slipped her hand into her mothers.

"Mommy, are you sad?"

Olivia knelt beside her little girl and stared into her eyes. "Not anymore," she said hugging her baby tight in her arms. "I love you so much."

"I love you too, mom."

"You are the best thing that has ever happened to me," Olivia said with tears in her eyes. "Mommy wants you to know that. I will never love anyone as much as I love you."

McKenna smiled and kissed her lips. "Maggie loves you too mommy."

"Oh, I can't forget Maggie." Olivia kissed the doll and picked her daughter up in her arms carrying her out of the precinct.


	5. 5 Nothing But The Truth

_Desperation_

_(Chapter Five: Nothing But The Truth)_

It was half past two and Olivia laid awake in the dark watching her little girl sleep. McKenna had been resting peacefully for hours now, but Olivia just couldn't seem to fall asleep. She sat up in the bed placing Maggie beside McKenna and tucking them in tight.

Olivia climbed from the bed and walked down the hall toward the kitchen. She opened the refrigerator and pulled out a bottle of water, then closed the door staring at the pictures McKenna had colored back at the precinct.

How could she not know? For six years, how could she be so oblivious to everything that was going on around her? How could she not have a clue that her husband wasn't the father of her child? And why would he go on letting her believe that he was? If he had a vasectomy then he would have known from the start that McKenna wasn't his daughter. Why would he not say something to her? Or ask who else she was with.

For Olivia the problem wasn't that she didn't know. If it weren't James there was only one other man who could possibly be McKenna's father. And under the circumstances, maybe this was for the best. But now how was she going to tell him? She was honestly surprised he hadn't figured it out already. Or at least asked her for the truth.

Olivia reached to touch the colorful highlighter picture of the rainbow McKenna had colored for Elliot.

"You couldn't sleep either?" She heard a voice from behind her.

She turned around to see Elliot sitting across the room on the couch in the dark. Olivia exhaled and walked over to sit at the bar.

"Too much on my mind, I guess. I keep replaying everything from today."

"Yeah, me too."

"Why are you sitting in here in the dark?"

"I was afraid I would wake you guys if I turned the lights on."

"Well, I'm already awake. And McKenna would sleep through a tornado. She's a very heavy sleeper."

Elliot smiled in the dark and reached up turning on the lamp beside him. They sat quietly for a few minutes just looking at each other across the room, before Olivia turned away to stare at the counter in front of her.

"I still cannot believe that everything about the last six years of my life has been a lie."

"Not everything. You loved him. And I am sure he loved you."

"If he loved me he wouldn't have lied to me."

"If he didn't he wouldn't have spent the last six years raising another man's child as his own."

Olivia stared at him. The remark sounded just a little harsh and though she knew he didn't mean it to hurt her it cut like a knife.

"I don't understand why he never said anything."

"Maybe he wanted to be happy with you so badly that something like a little white lie didn't seem to matter."

"We were happy. At least I thought we were."

"Olivia…."

She raised her eyes to look at him but neither of them could speak.

"Olivia, I don't mean to…. I need to know," he said looking at her as tears began to fall from her eyes. "Is she mine?"

She pressed her lips together and took a deep breath. "Yes. But Elliot, I didn't know. I swear. If I had any reason to think….I would have at least called you and told you that you had a daughter. Please believe me."

"I believe you Olivia."

"I left here and married James as planned four days after the night we spent together. It wasn't until eight weeks later I even suspected I was pregnant."

"It never crossed your mind?"

"No. I mean maybe for a second. But I had a period a few days after we were together. It wasn't until the next one that I missed. James and I were newlyweds. I guess I just sort of assumed when I found out I was pregnant, that the baby was his. I just don't understand how he could find out his wife was pregnant, knowing he couldn't have children and not say something."

"Did you ever tell him about us?"

"No. I was convinced it was a mistake. I was supposed to marry James. You were married to Kathy. Honestly it never should have happened."

"I'm glad it did. And if I hadn't been so stubborn that night things could have been a lot different."

"Elliot, until yesterday if I could have changed one thing about that night that sex would have never happened."

"What do you mean by that?"

"I mean it destroyed us. After that night you couldn't even look me in the eye. We barely spoke. When you did speak it was to say something bad about James and tell me how much you hated him."

"I didn't hate him. I didn't think he was right for you."

"You hated him because you knew he wasn't right for me. But I didn't listen to you."

"No, I hated him because he was the one who took you away from me. And he did. My God, Olivia, I would have married you."

She laughed and smirked. "You were already married."

"But I didn't love her. I loved you. I was just too damn stubborn to say it. Don't you see? I screwed up. You never should have gone to Galveston. You never should have married James. You stared into my eyes, silently begging me to make you stay. And I knew all it would have taken was for me to say those three little words. All it would have taken was the truth. But I was too damn stubborn. I wouldn't give you what you needed. And the next morning you packed up your things and you left. Not that I blame you. I know that if I had been honest with you, you would have stayed."

"Stayed for what Elliot? I wanted you. But I never would have had you. Hell, you didn't even get divorced for two more years! I didn't want to be your thing on the side. I wanted you to love me."

"I did love you, Olivia. I always did. I always have. And there wasn't a moment of that six years you were gone that I didn't think of you or miss you or wonder how you were. I thought of you every second you were away! Shit Olivia! I'm still in love with you!"

She sat there and stared at him. "Elliot, I can't do this right now."

"I know. And I'm not trying to ask you to or to push you into anything. I just… I love you, Olivia. I always have. For as long as I can remember. And now I'm here and you're here and I can't help but feel like just maybe we were given a second chance to do this right. You know?"

"Elliot, my husband has been dead for six weeks. I watched some stranger murder him. I just can't think about dating again right now."

"That isn't what I meant. I mean yes, someday I would love to give this a try and see if there is really something between us. But I was talking about McKenna. And the fact that as of yesterday, I have a five year old little girl that I barely know. I want to know her, Liv. I want to be there for her and help you raise her. She is my daughter. That scared little girl in there is my little girl. And she still thinks that some bad men killed her father. But her daddy is right here with her. I missed out on five and a half years of her life, Olivia. I don't want to miss any more. I want to be a part of my daughter's life. I want to be McKenna's father."

Olivia was crying. She wasn't sure exactly how she thought this talk would go, but she was pleased with the way it did. She looked up at Elliot through her tears and smiled. "I want to tell her tomorrow. But Elliot, I think maybe I should explain this to her alone. I am so sorry that things worked out the way they did. I'm not sorry that you are her father, but I'm sorry that you missed so much of her live and I didn't realize what was right in front of me. There was a time when I wished with everything inside of me that we had never had sex. A time when I wanted nothing more than to take back everything about that night. But now, after knowing everything that I have now learned. I wouldn't change it for the world."

Elliot smiled. "Neither would I. At some point during that night we created an amazing little girl together. I love her so much, Olivia. I have from the first moment I saw her sleeping there beside you in the cribs. In that moment I realized how much I loved both of you. And that I would do anything in my power to protect you, both of you."


	6. 6 Thankful

_Desperation_

_(Chapter Six: Thankful)_

Olivia sat at the bar in the kitchen sipping her coffee and watching as Elliot and McKenna made pancakes. McKenna smiled and laughed as she stirred in chocolate chips and had bits of batter on her nose and cheek. Olivia loved watching him interact with McKenna, especially now after realizing that he was her father.

"Now use the ladle to pour the batter into the pan," Elliot instructed McKenna as he lifter her onto a chair he had pulled up in front of the stove.

She scooped some from the mixing bowl and poured it into the pan.

"Look mom," she said with a smile.

"Yeah, you're doing really good."

McKenna giggled as Elliot helped her flip the pancakes over. Olivia set the table as Elliot stacked the pancakes on a plate and carried them to the table. Olivia poured McKenna a glass of milk and refilled she and Elliot's coffee cups as they sat down to eat.

After breakfast Elliot took them to the zoo. They walked around for the greater part of the afternoon looking at elephants and zebras and tigers. Elliot carried McKenna on his shoulders as he showed her different animals.

"Look mommy," McKenna said as they came out of the Build-A-Bear workshop and Elliot held tight to his little girl's hand. "Elliot got me a bear."

"Wow, honey that is really neat." Olivia knelt beside her daughter and fixed the buckle on her sandal, then looked up at the bear.

"Actually she built the bear."

"Look mommy, he is a polar bear. Because he is white. Like the polar bears we saw today. Only he has a leather jacket and sunglasses."

"Does he have a name?" Olivia asked looking down at the fluffy white bear her daughter clutched in her arms.

"Lancelot."

Olivia shifted her eyes up to Elliot. "Where did that come from?"

"Like in the story," McKenna said looking up at Elliot.

"I told her a story about the Knights of the Round Table and King Arthur."

"I think Lancelot is a wonderful name."

"I think I'm gonna find us some food," Elliot said. "Are you guys hungry?"

"Yeah," McKenna said.

"I think I saw a place around the path where we can sit down and get some lunch. What do you think?"

"Sounds good," Olivia said taking McKenna's hand. "Why don't you go ahead? I want to talk to McKenna for a few minutes."

"Alright, I will see you guys in a little bit."

Elliot walked on ahead of them as Olivia walked McKenna slowly behind him. They walked over to a bench in front of the food court overlooking the giraffes. They sat down and Olivia watched McKenna as she stared out at the animals.

"You really like Elliot, don't you?" Olivia asked looking into her daughter's brown eyes.

"Yes. He's my friend."

"Baby, there's something I need to talk to you about."

"Okay, mommy." McKenna stared up at Olivia swinging her feet under her as she sat on the bench.

"Elliot has been mommy's friend for a very long time."

"Since you were a little girl like me?"

"Well, not that long. But a long time before you were born. McKenna, mommy has something important she needs to tell you. I know this is going to be a little confusing and if you have questions it's okay to ask mommy."

"Is it a secret?"

"Kind of. But not anymore. Kenna, it's about your daddy."

"Daddy's in Heaven now with the angels. Right mommy?"

"No, honey." Olivia exhaled and tucked a piece of McKenna's hair behind her ear.

"Daddy's not in Heaven?"

"McKenna, James wasn't your real daddy. Mommy thought he was, but he wasn't. Your daddy is alive, honey."

McKenna stared up at her with a confused look on her face.

"McKenna, Elliot is your daddy."

The little girl blinked her eyes and looked at her mother.

"What she means McKenna is that some kids have two daddies." Olivia looked behind her to see Elliot standing there. She smiled, a little relieved that he was here to help her through this conversation. "James was only one of your daddies. Kenna, I am your daddy, honey. And I am going to take care of you and mommy from now on."

They watched as tears welled up in the little girl's eyes and she tried to understand it. "You're my daddy?"

"Yes McKenna, I am. And I love you very much,"

"It's okay baby," Olivia said softly as tears began to roll down McKenna's cheeks.

"I thought my daddy died."

"No, baby girl." Elliot scooped her up in his arms and sat down on the bench with her. "I'm not dead. I am right here with you and I will never leave you, sweetheart." He stared into her eyes and kissed her forehead.

"Can I call you daddy?"

"You sure can."

"Can we read bedtime stories?"

"Did James read you bedtime stories?"

"No. But sometimes my mommy did."

"Yes, baby. I will read you any story you like. You like bedtime stories?"

"Yes."

"Kenna sweetheart, what do you say you, me and mommy go get some lunch?"

"Okay daddy," she said with a big smile taking his hand.

Elliot picked her up in his arms and she hugged him tight. He hugged her and kissed her gently. "You give such good hugs honey." He reached his hand out and locked his finger's between Olivia's as they walked over to get some food.

Later that evening as they arrived home McKenna had fallen asleep in the car. Elliot opened the car door and picked his little girl up in his arms. Olivia grabbed the stuffed bear and opened the apartment door for him.

"I should put her in bed," Olivia said reaching for McKenna.

"Oh Liv, let me do it. I have missed out on so much over the last six years."

Elliot carried his daughter into Olivia's room and laid her down in the bed. He slipped off her sandals and dropped them into the floor. He took the bear from Olivia's hand and laid it beside her. He pulled Maggie up into McKenna's arm and pulled the blanket up around her. Elliot watched her sleep for a few moments. He leaned in and kissed her cheek as he smiled.

"Thank you," he said as he looked up at Olivia.

"For what?"

"For bringing her back to me. For giving me the chance to be her father." He took a deep breath and exhaled. "Was James a good father to her?"

"Yes, he was. He was busy a lot with work. But when he could be home, he was very good to both of us. She had everything she ever wanted or needed. She has never done without."

"I should know that. I know you well enough to know that if the man wasn't good enough for your child you would have gotten her out of there a long time ago."

Olivia smiled. "We were happy. We both were. But since we came here the only time I have really seen her smile was with you. I spoke to the F.B.I. guys who were trying to reach me. I am supposed to meet with them and tell them what I know about James' murder. I am afraid they will want to talk to her also."

"Maybe we should get you a lawyer. Just in case."

"I have a the name of someone Casey recommended. I am also going to need to go back to the house and get some of our things. I contacted James lawyer there and he thinks I should sell the house. Once all of this blows over I will get a life insurance settlement and whatever from the house. It wont be a lot, but enough to live off of for a little while until she is okay enough for me to go back to work again."

"You know Cragen would bring you back. All you would have to do is pass your examine again to be registered to carry a firearm. We would love to have you back."

"I don't know, Elliot. I can't imagine her having to go through this again if anything ever happened to one of us or both of us. I think maybe I need a job that carries less risk. Something where I know I will be coming home to my daughter at night."

"Makes sense. You know there is no big rush on you going back to work, right? You guys are just fine here. She is good with you here with her. Take your time, for both of you."

"Elliot I know it costs money for us to stay here. I need to find a way to at least cover our expenses. The extra food and…."

"I have the expenses under control. Right now our little girl needs you here with her. At the end of the summer she will be starting school and I think maybe that would be the best time for you to pick up a job if you want to. Something that you could work while she is in school and still be home with her. I just don't want you to feel like there is a big rush for you to find a job."

Olivia smiled. "I just don't think you should have to take care of us. I should be pulling a little more weight around here."

"You pull your weight. You cook and clean. And I love having you guys around. And this way I get to spend more time with my daughter. Consider it child support."

Olivia laughed. "I don't want child support, Elliot. I am just glad that she gets the chance to know her father."

"Me, too." Elliot leaned down and kissed McKenna once more. "Good night honey," he whispered to her.

"Good night," McKenna said in a soft sleepy voice without opening her little eyes. "I love you, daddy."

Elliot felt his heart melting in his chest as he smiled and tears filled his eyes. "Good night angel. Daddy loves you too, baby girl." He smiled and Olivia's cheek. "I should leave you to get some rest. It has been a long day."

"Yeah. Good night, El."

"Good night, Olivia." He smiled from across the room. "Sweet dreams."

Olivia smiled back at him as he walked out the door. She changed into a tee shirt and boxers and crawled into bed beside her daughter. She turned out the light and watched her little girl resting.

She laid there in the dark for a while and trying to fall asleep. As she did all she could think about was him. How great he was with McKenna. And the way he smiled at her when he told her good night. 'Sweet dreams.' Was he flirting with her?

Olivia exhaled and combed her fingers through her hair. She wasn't really even sure how she would feel if he was flirting. It had been a while since she had even thought about any other man but James. And she was in no way ready to enter into a romantic relationship.

She and Elliot had spent one night together, but had never had an actual relationship. But that night, their night was amazing. Olivia could still remember every kiss and every touch of ever time they made love. The memory of that night had been locked away inside her heart and mind for years.

Olivia rolled over to look at her daughter again. The more she stared at her the more she could start to see Elliot in her. Sure the dark hair, brown eyes and freckles were hers. McKenna had Olivia, nose and smile, but she had a lot of Elliot in her as well. And now she would really know her father.

Olivia placed her arm over McKenna and snuggled in against her. McKenna was the best thing that had ever happened to Olivia. And if it weren't for Elliot, McKenna would not exist. Olivia would forever be thankful to him.


	7. 7 Road Trip

_Desperation_

_(Chapter Seven: Road Trip)_

Olivia looked into the rearview mirror to see the two girls in the back seat. Maureen held a story book in her hands and read one about a princess as McKenna playfully kicked her feet back and fourth. It was a long car trip and Olivia would have loved nothing more than to have left and never looked back, but the F.B.I. was waiting back in Galveston to talk to Olivia.

"You okay?" Elliot asked looking over at her from the driver's seat.

"I'll be alright. Guess I'm just a little nervous to be going back."

"Hey, we meet with these F.B.I. guys and answer their questions, go by your house and get your things, pick up your car from impound and we're headed back by tomorrow afternoon."

"Yeah, I'm just not so sure this is good on McKenna. To go back, I mean. but I couldn't exactly leave her either."

"It will be fine. I'll get us checked into a hotel with a pool. That's why I brought Maureen along. She can occupy McKenna while we go back to the house. She doesn't have to go back there, ever."

"Okay," Olivia whispered as tears rose in her eyes. She exhaled softly and stared out the window. "Did you tell her?" Olivia asked looking at the reflection of the girls in the rearview mirror.

"This morning. I thought she should know McKenna was her sister."

"Half sister, Elliot."

"That doesn't matter. She isn't my half child and she will never be half loved. She is my daughter, just the same as Maureen. They are sisters."

Olivia nodded her head. "And she is okay with it?"

"Liv, Kathy and I were in one of our on again off again episodes. That night we spent together she and I were off again. Maureen understands that. And none of it matters anymore. The important thing is that you and I share an amazing little girl together and as soon as we get back to Manhattan I want her to meet the other kids."

"You don't think it is a little soon for that?"

"Olivia, they are her brothers and sisters. The sooner we get them together, the better."

Olivia smiled. "You really think so?"

"I promised our little girl a family and I intend to give her one."

Elliot slipped his hand into Olivia's and squeezed it.

Olivia closed her eyes and leaned her head against the window to catch a nap.

A few hours later Elliot pulled the car over and turned to look at Olivia sound asleep. He reached his hand up and brushed some hair back from her eyes. She stirred a little, then looked over at him.

"Hey," she said softly.

"We have been driving for nearly ten hours," Elliot said softly. "The kids have been passed out for a while. I figured we could stop and get some dinner. Then find a motel and drive the rest of the way in the morning. Let them stretch out and get a good nights sleep."

"Sounds good," Olivia said with a yawn.

"There is a diner just up the road. I'm gonna gas up the car really quick and see if the attendant can tell me where to find a clean place to sleep for the night. I'll be right back."

"Okay."

Elliot pulled the car up in front of the diner and got out of the car. Olivia walked around to the back of the car and opened the door.

"Kenna, honey wake up."

McKenna opened her eyes and smiled at her mother.

"Hi mommy."

"Hi sweetheart. We're gonna go in here and get some supper. Then we're going to a hotel for the night. Do you have to go potty?"

"Yes," McKenna whispered.

"Okay," Olivia said reaching for her hand.

"Wait mommy. I have to get Maureen."

Olivia smiled as McKenna leaned her forehead against Maureen's and whispered to her.

"Maureen, wake up if you have to go potty."

Olivia looked up at Elliot as he chuckled.

"Tell her it's time for dinner, Kenna."

"Wake up, wake up. Time for dinner," she whispered this time kissing Maureen on the forehead.

Maureen fluttered her eyes open and looked at McKenna.

"Hey, kid."

"Come on," McKenna said with a smile. "It's time to go eat."

"Okay, I'm awake." Maureen leaned forward and kissed McKenna's forehead. "Let's go eat."

They walked into the diner and looked around for a minute. Olivia asked the woman behind the counter where the restroom was. As she was talking to the woman she felt a little tug on her hand.

"Mommy, I want Maureen to take me."

"Kenna, honey…."

"No Liv, I don't mind."

"Are you sure?"

"Yeah," Maureen said kneeling to look at her baby sister. "Why don't we leave Maggie here with your mommy, though so she doesn't get dirty. I'm pretty sure she doesn't have to go."

"Okay," McKenna replied smiling at Maureen as she slipped her hand into her older sister's. "Here mommy," she said "Maggie will stay with you and be a very good girl until I get back."

"Okay honey," Olivia said smiling at her daughter.

"It's nice to see them bonding," Elliot said as he found them a table. "You want some coffee?"

"Sure," Olivia replied slipping off her jacket and placing it over her chair.

"Two coffees," he said as the waitress put the menus on the table in front of them. "What for McKenna?"

"I'll just wait for hers. She'll probably want whatever Maureen gets," Olivia said with a smile.

"Good point."

"There they are," Olivia said with a smile as Maureen returned from the restroom holding McKenna's hand.

"Mommy, Maureen let me push the button!"

"She did?" Olivia shifted her eyes to look at Maureen.

"The hand dryer," Maureen laughed looking at Olivia.

"Maggie saved you a seat. Right next to Maureen."

"What are you ladies hungry for? Burger and fries?"

McKenna looked up at Maureen.

"Just a salad, fat free ranch dressing on the side, cottage cheese and an iced tea, please."

"Me too, please."

Olivia laughed.

"You dear, won't eat salad."

"Please, mom."

"Okay, but if you order it you have to eat it."

"I will."

Elliot put in their order and they made small talk as they waited for the waitress to bring their food. As the woman sat their plates down in front of them McKenna stared down at the platter of lettuce. She picked up her fork in her hand and turned to look at Maureen. She watched quietly as Maureen took a few bites of her dinner, then wrinkled up her little nose.

"You eat grass?" She asked looking up at Maureen.

"It's bunny food," Elliot replied leaning over to his youngest daughter.

McKenna giggled.

"Like this Kenna," Maureen said picking up the bowl of salad dressing and drizzling it across the lettuce.

McKenna did the same then watched as Maureen took another bite. She stuck her fork into the lettuce and took a big bite. Immediately she made an awful face and looked up at her mother. She finished chewing and forced the bite of salad to go down, chasing it down with a big gulp of tea.

"Mommy, I don't like salad."

"I told you that you wouldn't like it."

McKenna stirred her fork around in the cottage cheese picking at it for a while before eating only the bits of pineapple that had been placed on the top for decoration.

"Are you finished?" Olivia asked her.

"Yes, momma."

"You didn't eat much."

"It's yucky."

Elliot looked at Olivia then back down at McKenna.

"Would you like a hamburger and French fries?"

"Can I mommy?"

"Are you going to eat it?"

"Yes, ma'am."

"Okay."

"Yes please," McKenna said grinning at Elliot as he flagged down the waitress.

"Here, you can have some of daddy's fries until yours are done."

"Thank you, daddy."

"You're welcome, baby girl."

After dinner Elliot drove them a few miles up the road where he got them two joining hotel rooms. McKenna insisted on sleeping in the room with Maureen, leaving Elliot and Olivia to share the other room.

Olivia gave her daughter a bath and tucked her into bed with Maggie and in moments she was sound asleep. She walked back into she and Elliot's room and pulled her pajamas from her duffel bag tossing them on her bed.

"Do you think they'll be okay?" She asked Elliot as she pulled the door almost all the way shut.

"She'll be fine, Liv. You are only a few feet away."

"We should have gave them this room. I could have slept in the other bed and gave you the single."

"Now I'm bad enough you don't want to share a room with?"

"Hey, do you remember what happened the last time we slept in the same room?" Olivia asked pointing toward the door to McKenna and Maureen's room.

"This time we are in separate beds."

Olivia laughed. "You just make sure all of your parts stay over there and I'll make sure all of mine stay over here."

Elliot smiled and laughed.

Olivia grabbed her clothes and moved to the bathroom to dress for bed. When she returned she checked on the girls. She pulled the blanket up and tucked them both in and placed Maggie in McKenna's hands. She kissed her little girl on the forehead.

"Good night baby girl," she whispered.

"Night Liv," Maureen whispered in the darkness.

Olivia smiled. "I thought you were asleep."

"Almost."

"Sometimes she has nightmares. If she has any trouble sleeping or wakes up scared, just call for me."

"I will. But she'll be fine."

Olivia walked back to her room and climbed into bed.

"Everything okay over there?" Elliot asked.

"I'm fine," she laughed.

"No Liv, I meant in the girls room."

"Oh, yeah. Kenna is already asleep and Maureen is getting there."

"Good night, Olivia."

"Good night, El."


	8. 8 Revisiting Hell

_**Desperation**_

_**(Chapter Eight: Revisiting Hell)**_

**It was early when Elliot woke up. He climbed out of the bed and walked to the bathroom. He showered and dressed quickly then moved into the girl's room to check on them. **

**Elliot walked through the door that divided the two rooms and pushed the heavy curtain just a bit to allow a little bit of sunlight to come in. He turned to look at the king sized bed that contained his children. **

**Maureen was asleep in her side and the sheets and blankets were balled up in a large pile at the foot of the bed. Obviously one of them had tossed and turned during the night. Elliot walked around to the far side of the bed to check on his youngest child. Much to his surprise, McKenna was not there.**

**In a moment of panic, he moved to the door to make sure it was still locked. The chain at the top was still latched and was much too high up for McKenna to reach. He moved into the bathroom to check for the little girl, but she wasn't there either. Elliot dropped to the floor to check under the bed and looked in the closet, but he didn't see his daughter anywhere.**

"**Maureen," he said gently shaking his oldest from her heavy sleep. "Maureen, where's your sister?"**

"**What?" She asked confused as she scratched her head.**

"**McKenna, where is she?"**

"**I don't know dad. She was just here."**

"**We have to find her."**

**Maureen jumped from the bed and began to recheck all of the places Elliot had already checked. Elliot moved into he and Olivia's room to check the closet and under the beds. **

**Maureen walked into the room behind him and softly called for her sister. As she did she noticed something in the floor between the beds.**

"**Maggie," she said kneeling to pick her up.**

"**What?" Elliot asked turning around to see what she had found.**

"**McKenna's doll."**

**Elliot took the doll from Maureen's hand and inspected it.**

"**Dad look," Maureen said pointing to a mound of blankets on the bed beside Olivia as a small foot appeared out from under them.**

"**Oh, thank God," Elliot exhaled as he moved to the bed to properly tuck the little girl in. **

**He sat down on the edge of the bed and pulled the blankets down to cover McKenna's feet and tucked it under her. She was rolled in against Olivia and curled up with her forehead against Olivia's chest almost in a fetal position.**

**McKenna must had gotten up in the night and came in to crawl in bed with her mother, dropping her doll on the way. Elliot placed Maggie between McKenna and Olivia and kissed his baby girl gently as he tucked the blankets around her.**

"**Daddy loves you sweetheart," he whispered softly against her dark locks.**

**As he stood to walk away he noticed Olivia smiling up at him.**

"**She spooked us. Maureen and I were looking for her. We didn't know she was in here."**

"**She came in to me a few hours ago crying. She said she had a bad dream and wanted to know if she could sleep with me. I didn't mean to scare you guys. You were asleep. I had no idea you were looking for her or I would have told you. She climbed under the blankets with me and fell right back to sleep." Olivia yawned. "What time is it?"**

"**Still early, maybe six thirty or so."**

"**I should probably get up."**

"**No, you guys rest a little longer if you want. I'm gonna go get a newspaper and a cup of coffee. We're not in any big hurry. We're only a couple of hours outside of Galveston. Maureen just went back to bed and Kenna is sleeping so good now. To see their bed it looks like a tornado hit it and Maureen doesn't move around a lot in her sleep. I'm guessing she didn't sleep well. I booked a suite in Galveston. It has two king sized beds and a convertible sofa. I figure we'll get checked in, let the girls raid the mini fridge and watch cartoons while you and I go talk to the F.B.I. and clear this mess up. Then we'll go by the house and get your things. Everything you want."**

"**There isn't much," Olivia replied. **

"**We'll load up your stuff then go pick up your car."**

"**When I talked to the guy from the police department he said they had it in impound them picking it up when I left it."**

"**I was thinking I could rent a tow dolly and pull the car back with your SUV. Then we can all ride back together."**

"**While I am talking to the police I need to see about closing out my bank account. That way McKenna and I have some kind of money. Depending on the investigation I don't know if they will let me do that. I am so glad Maureen agreed to come along. I really didn't want to take her back to the house, but I couldn't come here and leave her in Manhattan either."**

"**The girls get along so well together. Maureen had a few days off from school. After I talked to her about it she was excited to meet Olivia's little girl. Especially after I told her that Olivia's little girl was her baby sister."**

**Olivia smiled.**

"**I offered to pay her for coming along," Elliot continued. "But she refused. She said she was just glad to have the chance to spend some time with you and get to know her little sister. She doesn't know it yet, but dad transferred a hundred bucks into her savings account this morning."**

"**That was sweet, El."**

"**She's in college. You can never have enough money and she is doing us both a favor. I wouldn't have left McKenna behind in Manhattan. I would have come here with the two of you and had to stay back at the hotel with her myself and let you go in alone. But I really feel like I needed to be there with you."**

"**I am glad that you are. Once I get back there I am not sure if I will be able to think clearly. It will be comforting to have you there with me."**

* * *

**Early that afternoon they entered Galveston. Elliot watched Olivia hold her breath as they drove through the familiar streets where she and McKenna used to make their life.**

"**Look daddy," Elliot heard from the back seat, "there's my school." McKenna pointed to a nursery school on a side street and Elliot knew they must be getting close to the street where they had once lived.**

"**Mommy, are we going back to our house?" McKenna asked in a timid voice.**

"**No baby," Olivia said turning to look at the fear in the little girl's eyes. "Never. We are going with daddy and Maureen to a hotel. And mommy and daddy have to go talk to some people for a little while. You are going to stay there with Maureen and watch cartoons and maybe go swimming."**

"**But you are coming back? After you talk to the bad men?"**

"**Sweetheart, mommy is going to talk to the police about the bad men. That way they can find them and put them in jail and they can never hurt you or mommy," Elliot explained to the little girl. "You and Maureen are going to stay at the hotel and have fun. And when we get back from talking to the police, daddy will take you anywhere you want for dinner. How does that sound?"**

"**Anywhere?" McKenna asked with a grin.**

**Olivia smiled at Elliot from across the car.**

"**What have I gotten myself into?" He mumbled to her.**

**Olivia laughed.**

"**Anywhere, Kenna. I promise. But you have to be a big girl and wait with Maureen while mommy and daddy talk to the police men."**

"**Okay. Can we go to 'Chuck E. Cheese' ?"**

**Elliot stared at Olivia for a moment. 'Chuck E. Cheese' was not a delicacy he had experienced with his other children. **

"**What is 'Chuck E. Cheese'?"**

"**A pizza place for kids. With games and you win tickets and get prizes and there is a man in a six foot mouse suit. We had her last birthday party there."**

"**Ahh. I can't wait," Elliot said with a sarcastic grin as Olivia laughed at him.**

"**Yes, Kenna. Even 'Chuck E. Cheese'."**

**McKenna grinned and kicked her feet happily as she settled back into her seat and stared out the window. Elliot pulled into the parking lot of the hotel. It was across town from the neighborhood Olivia used to live in, but lose enough that if the girls needed them, it would only take a few minutes to get back. He parked the car and Olivia and the girls helped unload their belongings. **

**Maureen carried her duffel bag and a bag of make up. McKenna slipped the pink Disney Princess back pack she had packed for the trip over her shoulders. She toted Maggie in one hand and held tightly to Olivia's with the other. She was still a little uneasy about being back in Galveston and wasn't about to let her mother out of her sight.**

**Elliot quickly found the front desk to get them checked in, while Olivia and the girls walked around the lobby and checked out the hotel.**

"**Look mommy a swimming pool!"**

"**Yeah, maybe later Maureen will take you swimming."**

"**Will you?" She turned around and batted her brown eyes at her older sister.**

"**Sure. I just happened to have packed a bathing suit."**

**McKenna smiled. "I don't think I brought one."**

"**Mommy got you one just before we left New York. Daddy picked out a hotel with a swimming pool just for you girls."**

**McKenna giggled and squeezed Olivia's hand.**

"**This way ladies," Elliot said motioning for them to follow him to the elevator. **

**They got settled into the room and Olivia called the phone number of one of the F.B.I. men she was supposed to talk to about James Daws' murder. In half an hour she and Elliot were going to meet the man and his partner at the house where everything took place so that she could walk him through the events step by step. **

"**Kenna, come here baby." Olivia knelt beside her daughter and held her little hand as she stared into her eyes.**

"**What mommy?"**

"**Daddy and I have to leave in just a little bit. Remember I told you mommy has to go tell the police about the bad men?"**

"**Yes," McKenna answered wearily.**

"**Well, daddy is gonna go with me to talk to them for just a little while. You are going to stay here with sissy."**

"**Mommy…." McKenna began to cry.**

"**Come here baby," Olivia scooped her daughter up and held her tight. She knew how scared her little girl was to be back in this town because she was scared, too. **

**Olivia sat on the edge of the bed and held her daughter in her lap. She rocked McKenna on her lap for a minute and gently kissed her forehead. "It's gonna be okay, McKenna. Mommy is scared, too."**

**McKenna looked up at Olivia with tears in her little eyes. "I don't want you to go mom. I want you to stay with me, so I wont be scared."**

"**I know honey. But we both have to be brave. Mommy has to do this so they can catch those bad men that were in our house. But mommy is going to be okay, honey. Because Daddy is going to be right there beside me. And you are going to be okay, because Maureen will be here with you. And Maureen will have mommy's phone. So if you get scared, you just tell Maureen and she can help you call mommy and daddy on daddy's phone."**

**McKenna wiped her eyes and fought off her tears.**

"**McKenna, you are going to have fun here with Maureen. You guys can read stories and watch cartoons. And she will get you a snack and even a soda if you want. You can go swimming. Mommy and daddy will be back before you know it. And tonight daddy is taking us to 'Chuck E. Cheese.' That will be fun, won't it?"**

"**Yeah," McKenna said softly.**

"**Try not to be scared baby. Mommy loves you so much. More than anything in the entire world," Olivia said hugging her daughter. "Mommy is going to get our things that we had to leave behind at our old house. And tomorrow we are going back home to Manhattan with daddy and Maureen. Then we will never have to come back here ever again. I promise. Just be brave for mommy for today, okay baby?"**

"**Okay mommy," McKenna said hugging her mother tight.**

"**Everything okay in here?" Elliot asked softly tapping on the door as he entered the room.**

"**Yeah, we're okay." Olivia kissed the top of her daughter's head. "Just having a little big girl talk."**

"**Kenna, come here sweetheart," Elliot said picking her up and carrying her into the room with Maureen. "Maureen is going to keep you company while mommy and daddy are gone." He sat her down on the floor and knelt in front of her. "It is okay to be scared. But daddy promises you everything is going to be okay, honey."**

"**Mommy said just be brave."**

**Elliot smiled. "That's right sweetheart. Daddy loves you baby girl," Elliot said tucking a piece of heir behind her ear. **

"**I love you too, daddy."**

"**That's my girl. Can I have a kiss?"**

**McKenna leaned forward and pressed her little mouth to Elliot's. Elliot stood and kissed Maureen. Don't leave the hotel. We should only be gone a couple of hours. If you decide to take her swimming be careful. Stay right there with her and don't let her out of your site. Olivia said she can swim, but…"**

"**Dad, I've got this. She'll be fine."**

"**I know she will honey. You are a great big sister. I just get nervous. If you guys go down to the pool call me and let me know. If you need anything, call me. Olivia's phone is on the dresser. Do not let anyone into this room."**

"**I won't dad."**

"**I love you," Elliot said hugging Maureen.**

"**Love you too, dad."**

**Elliot turned to walk toward the door where Olivia waited for him. **

"**Daddy, you forgot Maggie," McKenna said running after him.**

**Elliot smiled and picked the little girl up in his arms. "How could I forget Maggie?"**

**McKenna giggled as Elliot growled and kissed against the side of his neck. He kissed her gently, then placed a kiss on the little doll's forehead as well. He sat his daughter down and turned to go.**

* * *

**Olivia stood on the front lawn the home she once shared with her now deceased husband. She gulped fighting a large knot in her throat as her own words about bravery echoed through her mind. Somehow they seemed a much simpler solution when she spoke them to her child.**

"**You okay?" Elliot asked as he placed his hand on her shoulder.**

**Olivia jumped uncontrollably and realized that she was shaking. "Umm, yeah. I'm…I'm good," she whispered. "Let's just get this over with."**

**Elliot slipped his hand into hers and brushed a tear from her cheek. "We can wait. Stand here, right here in this spot. Until you are ready."**

**Olivia turned her eyes to look at him. Elliot watched as her breathing began to get heavier and she just stared at him unable to speak. She gasped for air and her eyes filled with tears.**

"**I can't do it," she whispered. **

"**Then we wait."**

**Olivia stared into his eyes and nodded. Elliot squeezed her hand in his and waited until she was ready to move forward.**

* * *

**For twenty minutes they stood there, side by side on the front lawn as two F.B.I. agents waited inside the house to speak to Olivia. She took a deep breath and wiped her tearstained face dry. **

**Olivia turned and looked at Elliot. "My baby girl is waiting back at that hotel for me to come back to her. My five year old child is so scared right now, that her mommy isn't going to come back to her because she saw the man she thought was her father be murdered in her own home. Let's go in there and get this over with so that I can take my brave little girl back to Manhattan where she is safe. Where she can grow up happy and healthy and not have to deal with grown up problems, until she is a grown up." **

"**You sure you're ready?"**

"**I'm ready," she said forcing a smile.**

"**You know, McKenna is not the only brave little girl in this family," Elliot said cupping his hand against the side of her face. He smiled at her and kissed her forehead. Olivia closed her eyes and took a deep breath. "She gets it from her mommy," Elliot whispered softly. **

**Elliot watched from just a few feet away as Olivia walked the two men through the house and told the tale of horror that had take place the last time she was in this house. She lead them down the hall from the bedroom and told them about how she had been woke from her sleep by shouting in the living room. **

**Olivia walked toward the living room and stood at the end of the hall in tears as she told the agents about the three men that had entered her home and held her husband at gunpoint. She told them how she had watched a man stab James and slit his throat killing him and how she had turned around to see that her five year old little girl had seen the entire thing. **

**She turned and walked back into the bedroom where she told them how she had grabbed McKenna and ran for the bedroom. She told about how one of the men had followed her forcing his way into the room and locking the door. **

**Olivia told the agents about how the man hit McKenna knocking her down and threw Olivia to the floor. How he had held the knife to her as he ripped at her clothes and she could tell he intended to rape her right there in front of her child. She told them about how she tried to fight him off and somehow in the struggle as he tried to cut her up, she got the knife and stabbed him. She told them how she had murdered the man in self defense and how her five year old little girl had witnessed the entire event.**

**Olivia explained how she picked up her little girl and wrapped her in a blanket as they climbed out the window and drove off as fast as they could. She explained how she left her car at the department store and climbed on the first train she could to get to safety. To get away. To get back home to New York.**

**Elliot stood and watched Olivia relive her hell one step at a time in front of two strangers, hoping somehow they could understand exactly what it was inside her that had driven her to murder a man. The love and fear and need of a mother to protect her child. A need that would somehow make every decision she made that night about one thing, the survival of her little girl. And somehow, nothing else mattered. **

"**Well Mrs. Daws, it sounds like you and your daughter went through a living Hell that night," one of the men said looking at Olivia. "I am very sorry for your loss and for everything these men put you and your child through. We will need you to come to the local police station and make a formal statement. I would also like to speak to the child."**

"**Is that really necessary?" Olivia asked.**

"**I'm afraid so, ma'am. The little girl…."**

"**McKenna," Olivia cut him off.**

"**McKenna witnessed the attack on your husband as well as you killing the man in the bedroom. I need a statement from her as well."**

"**What kind of a statement are you going to get from a five year old?" Elliot asked.**

"**Well, with children her age we generally handle things a little differently. I will sit her down and ask her a few questions about that night. Nothing graphic. I need to know what she knows, what she remembers. I would like to have her checked out by a licensed therapist. I know someone who specializes in children. That is how I will get her statement."**

"**I took her to someone when we first got to Manhattan."**

"**You did? By who?"**

"**Dr. Haung," Elliot offered up. "He is also and F.B.I. agent. He often steps in to counsel victims in our cases and has worked with many children. I knew him and trusted him. But I assure you, the interview was by the books."**

"**I have met Dr. Haung a time or two. We have overlapped on a couple of cases in the past. I should be able to contact him and have him fax a copy of McKenna's file and the report he wrote on their interview. I will need you to sign a consent form though, so he can release the information."**

"**That is not a problem," Olivia agreed. "So what happens with me?" She asked.**

**Everything in your statement is supported by the evidence we gathered from the crime scene. You killed that man in self defense, even the autopsy results support that. The only real place you messed up was running away instead of turning to the authorities for help."**

"**All I could think was to get her to safety."**

"**I have a little girl myself, seven years old. I understand where that decision came from and couldn't honestly say that I wouldn't have done the same thing myself if I had been in that situation. For now I need contact information on you. I will need to get a hold of you and will probably need you to come back for court to make a statement. You are probably looking at probation for skipping the state. Six months, maybe a year. You'll just need to go in there and tell the judge your story."**

"**Okay. When?"**

"**We'll give them your information and they will contact you. If you move or relocate for any reason, that needs to be reported."**

"**Okay. What about the case?"**

"**Ma'am, it seems your husband was selling prescription drugs for street value. He had a deal with several dealers. He wrote bogus prescriptions or just provided the pills themselves and these dealers sold them to anyone with the cash. Some of our guys had been watching him for a while. A few more weeks and they would have had enough to put him away for twenty five to thirty years. My guess is he somehow caught on that he was being watched and tried to cut off supply to these thugs. They came here looking for their supply. Your husband refused to give them the drugs so they killed him. I have word on a few guys who have been known to run with the perp you killed."**

**The man pulled out three cards with photo's on them. Suddenly Olivia knew what it felt like to be on the other end of the witness statement. **

"**Do you recognize any of these men?" He asked.**

"**This one and him," she said pointing to the second card. "They were both there in the house that night. This man held the gun on James and that one was pacing and trashing the place. Like he needed a fix or something."**

"**It's likely. Alright, well I will get uniforms after these two. Until we get this investigation against your husband settled we will have to freeze all assets and you won't be able to sell the property or anything like that."**

"**What about my checking account?" Olivia asked. "I need money to care for my daughter."**

"**Your personal account?"**

"**Yes."**

"**Is it linked to the business or was James' name on it?" **

"**No, it is mine alone."**

"**How much money are we talking about here?"**

"**A couple of thousand in checking and maybe another five in savings."**

"**You are not being investigated for his crimes. Our people watched long enough to know that you were completely unaware of his actions. If you need to close out your personal accounts that is fine. But any joint accounts, retirement accounts, business, property, stuff like that cannot be touched."**

"**Can I take our things from the house?"**

"**Personal belongings only."**

"**Nothing from the safe, no jewelry or anything like that. Not until the case is closed. With the exception of your wedding ring of course," he said pointing at the rock on her hand. "But we'll have to sit here to make sure nothing else is disturbed."**

"**I understand. What about my car?"**

"**Was his name on it?"**

"**No, just mine. It was a gift for Christmas two years ago."**

"**As long as his name is not on the title, it is free to go."**

"**Thank you. It wont take us long. I just want to grab some of our personal belongings, baby pictures mostly, clothes and a few of her toys. We'll be out of here in no time."**

**Elliot and Olivia headed back to the bedrooms. She pulled four large suitcases from the closet and handed two of them to Elliot. "Grab all of the clothes from her room and just toss them in here. I'll come back in and grab some of her toys in a few minutes. I am going to get my clothes."**

"**Alright."**

**Olivia moved to the bedroom she used to share with James. She stared at the bed and the pile of blankets still laying exactly as she had thrown them when she had been disrupted from her sleep on that dark night nearly four months ago. She took a deep breath and exhaled as she headed for the dresser. She pulled out drawers and just dumped their contents into a suitcase then moved to the closet. She pulled two big stacks of formal and designer clothing, leaving behind only a few of James' suits and her wedding dress hanging in the closet. **

**Olivia walked to the cedar hope chest at the foot of the bed. Inside were tons of McKenna's baby pictures, some photo albums and both of their birth certificates. Olivia sifted through them tossing the things she could not live without into the suitcase on the bed. She riffled through memories of the last six years of her life with James, all lies of course. **

**She slammed the lid shut on the chest and moved into McKenna's room where she pulled a few of her dolls and books to take back with them. Olivia folded up the blankets from McKenna's bed and put them into a plastic garbage bag to take back as well. Her entire bedroom had been done up in Disney Princesses and McKenna adored it. For the last few months all she had of her bedroom was the pink throw blanket she had dragged down the hall with her that night.**

**Olivia took a deep breath and looked around the room. It felt so strange leaving so much behind. This room once served as the nursery when she had brought McKenna home from the hospital. This house was their dream home, where she and James had planned to raise many babies together in the future. But there was no future. There was barely a past anymore. Everything Olivia had loved about the life she had built with this man over the last six years had been a lie. **

"**Let's go," she said looking at Elliot as she turned off the light to McKenna's room for the last time. "Everything else I am taking is piled on the bed."**

**Elliot helped her load the stuff into the car then they took one more walk through the house. Elliot could tell that at one point in time this had been a large and beautiful home. It was in a wealthy neighborhood and one of the nicest houses on the block.**

**As they walked through he looked up at the pictures on the walls. **

"**You don't want these," he asked picking up a wedding photo. Olivia looked happy. She was so beautiful and looked so in love. She deserved so much more than this.**

**She turned to look at the picture in his hand. "No," she said shaking her head. "it was all a lie."**

**She tossed the picture into the floor of the hallway and kept walking. Elliot looked back up at the wall taking every picture of Olivia or McKenna that didn't contain James or would be easy to cut him out of.**

"**El, I have copies of all of these," she said softly fighting back tears.**

"**I can't just leave them. They are memories, memories that I don't have."**

"**Keep them," she said forcing a smile. "And I have tons more I will get you copies of. Let's get out of here."**

"**Yeah," he said softly as he escorted her toward the door.**

**They stood only for a moment at the end of the hallway to stare at the place in the living room where the CSI crew had cutaway a large patch of the expensive carpeting. The reason was clear to them both as they stared at the bloodstained baseboards underneath.**

**Elliot slipped his hand into Olivia's and lead her toward the door. **


	9. 9 Confessions

_**Desperation**_

_**(Chapter Nine: Confessions)**_

**Olivia sat quietly in the car staring out the window as they drove away from 17720 Woodcrest Lane. The house she once thought held all of her dreams. Now she knew that those dreams were actually nightmares and now for the first time she would actually be able to start rebuilding a life for herself and her daughter.**

**She exhaled softly as she pressed her forehead against the glass and tried not to cry anymore. James and his betrayal were not worth crying over any longer. It was time to move on now. McKenna needed this new start. Olivia needed this new start.**

**Elliot said nothing, but kept a close and watchful eye on her as he drove the few blocks back to their hotel. He parked the car and they just sat quietly for a few moments before going inside.**

**Back in the room McKenna leaped from the bed and ran across the room jumping into her mother's arms. Olivia held her and hugged her tight like it had been weeks instead of hours since she had held the little girl.**

"**I missed you mommy," McKenna said pressing her little forehead to Olivia's and mirroring her brown eyes for brown eyes.**

"**Mommy missed you too, angel." Olivia held her baby tight and kissed the top of her head, never wanting to let her go.**

"**I was a good girl. And I was brave while you were gone, too. I was only scared a little bit," she said holding up her little fingers to demonstrate. "Were you brave, mommy?"**

"**Mommy was very brave," Elliot answered his daughter. "Why don't you go get your swimming suit and Maureen can take you down to the pool for a little while so mommy and daddy can talk. Then when you are done swimming we'll go to 'Chuck E. Cheese.'"**

"**Okay daddy," she said with a big smile as she kissed him. "I love you mama," she said softly turning to kiss Olivia.**

"**I love you too, sweetheart." Olivia combed her fingers through her little girl's hair then watched as she ran across the room and dug through the clothes in her pink backpack for a swimming suit.**

"**My bag baby, the small one. On the top," Olivia instructed her.**

"**I got it," McKenna said as she ran into the bathroom to change her clothes.**

**Ten minutes later the kids were gone giving Elliot and Olivia some quiet time to process everything that had taken place earlier that afternoon. Olivia laid across the bed and closed her eyes trying to forget everything she could, but it was no use. She rolled over on her side and began to cry.**

**Elliot watched helplessly from across the room for a few minutes, knowing that somehow this is what it was going to take to make her feel better. She just had to break down and let out everything she was keeping bottled up inside her.**

**After a few minutes he laid down beside her on the bed. He said nothing, just laid there and stared up at the ceiling. Olivia rolled onto her back to stare up at it as well and within a few minutes her hand had somehow found its way into his.**

**They laid there together for a few minutes just breathing, existing, together. "I just want to forget this," she said softly. "All of this. Every horrible detail of everything that happened that night. And I pray to God that somehow my child, our child is not scarred for life by what she witnessed in that house. She was things no one should ever see, especially not a five year old child," Olivia sobbed.**

"**Liv, you did everything you could do. And it is because of you and what you did, the decisions you had to make that the two of you are even here today. She is safe and happy and healthy. And I promise you she will be for the rest of her life."**

"**What have I done?" She gasped. "What have I done to our baby, Elliot? What have I exposed her to?"**

"**Olivia…"**

"**How could I not have known? All along that he was dealing and probably using drugs? How could I raise my child, our child in a home like that and not even know?"**

"**Shhhh," Elliot said as he rolled to face her. "That is all in the past. But you got her away from it. The important thing now is that you make things right for her, in the future. This is like a new start, Olivia. For you and McKenna both. And I think you both really need it."**

"**I know we do," she said softly as she rubbed her hands over her face. "I'm sorry."**

"**What do you have to be sorry for?"**

"**For dragging you though all of this. But I really appreciate you being there."**

"**There is no where else I would be, Liv. You are my best friend. I would go through Hell with you."**

"**Yeah," she said with a soft smile, "you kind of proved that today." She exhaled.**

**They laid on the bed just staring at each other for a few moments then Elliot raised his thumb to wipe a tear from her cheek.**

"**Are you okay?" He whispered softly.**

**Olivia nodded as he leaned forward and placed a kiss on her forehead. As he moved to pull away his nose brushed against her and she stared into his eyes. Elliot froze there for a moment uncertain of his next move. **

**Olivia stared into the comfort of his ocean eyes, they had always held the power to calm her. Elliot leaned forward once more as their noses touched for a moment, he raised his hand to cup the side of her face and stared deep into her soul just waiting for her to stop him. But she didn't stop him. He leaned in just a bit further as their lips brushed together only for a second.**

**Olivia's eyes lit up like fire works and the next thing he knew they were kissing. But not some brief closed mouth brush of the lips, this was a real kiss. A deep passionate opened mouth, everything he had ever dreamed of kiss. The kind of kiss you wait your entire life for. The kind of kiss by which every other kiss in your lifetime is compared. **

**They kissed for a few moments as Elliot slipped his mouth under her chin and around her neck onto her collar bone. Olivia closed her eyes and let him take control. Seconds later his mouth returned to hers and their hands began to explore places they hadn't touched in six years.**

**Elliot combed his fingers through her hair and smoothed his thumb down her cheek as he kissed across her collar bone. He closed his eyes to feel her tongue against his as their mouths pressed firmly together. **

**By now he had pulled her body in against his and she fit perfectly in his arms. Elliot smoothed his hands over her perfect body above her clothes then, moved down. He unbuttoned the button on her jeans and pushed the zipper down. Somewhere along the way his hormones had taken over and logic was no longer calling the shots. **

**He pushed her shirt up a bit and kissed across her belly as he made his way down her perfect body. He smoothed his hands down her jeans until he had them pulled off and tossed into the floor beside the bed.**

**Olivia trembled softly as he kissed a trail across the elastic band of her biking style cotton underwear and stared up at her. Elliot returned his attention to her abdomen kissing and tasting her warm flesh as he nipped gently at it with this teeth. He slipped his fingers under the waits band of her panties pulling them further down.**

"**Elliot," she gasped trying to stop this before it went too fat, too fast.**

**He stopped still as his fingers traced a small scar on her lower abdomen. Elliot raised up to look into her dark eyes as she stared at him. "You had a cesarean?" He asked as his finger traced the mark, like a brand on her perfect body. He placed a soft kiss on the scar then moved back up to stare into her eyes.**

"**She was breach," Olivia whispered. **

**Elliot brushed his nose against hers and kissed her tenderly. "I'm sorry," he whispered."**

**Olivia smiled. "It isn't that big a deal, Elliot. I'm not sorry. We have a beautiful daughter together."**

"**No Olivia, I'm sorry. There are so many things I should have been there for. So many memories that I should have, but I don't. I should have been there when you were pregnant, I should have been there when our little girl was born. But I was stubborn and I screwed it all up. I'm sorry about everything. This is all my fault."**

**He laid down beside her and closed his arm around her. **

"**What are you talking about?" She asked staring into his eyes.**

"**I was so stubborn. I could have prevented this entire thing. Six years ago. That night, our night, when we were together. We made love and it was incredible, Olivia. And I held you so tight. And the next morning when we woke up you were in my arms and we made love again. You looked up at me and you knew the truth, I could see it in your eyes. They were pleading with me to just admit it, to say it out loud. To say those three little words that you needed so desperately to hear. I felt it, Liv. All I had to do was say it. And I knew then that all it would have taken was three little words to keep you here with me. If I had just told you what I was feeling, the truth about how I felt about you….you would have stayed. We could have been together and we could have raised our little girl together, in a real family. I love you, Olivia. I don't know why it was so hard for me to say then baby, because I felt it. The love was there Liv and it was real. It still is. All I had to do way tell you that I loved you and you would have stayed here with me instead of going off to marry James. You would have been happy and we would have been together. The three of us. And you never would have lived in Galveston and you never would have been in that house or seen what you saw, either of you. You would have been home, safe in Manhattan with me where you belong. I could have saved you all of this, Olivia. But I was too stubborn. But I'm not about to let you slip through my fingers again. This new start, is a new start for all of us. And I am starting this on the truth. I love you, Olivia. I always have and I probably always will. I am asking you now to give me the chance to make this up to you. To give you and our little girl a real family. Be with me, Liv. Let me love you, the way I should have been doing all of these years." Elliot leaned forward and kissed her gently.**

"**Elliot," she said staring at him with her big brown eyes, "I would love to give this a chance. I just think maybe we are going about this the wrong way. I think we both let our hormones get the best of us and we got a little carried away. I am more than willing to try a relationship with you, but I do think it is much too early for sex." Olivia stared at him as she bit her bottom lip and allowed him to think about it for a moment. "My husband has barely been dead four months. I think that we should get things settled with McKenna and all of this mess. Then concentrate fully on our relationship. I think you are right. I think this move back to Manhattan was a second chance, maybe more than a new start. A second chance to right all of the things we did wrong before. Starting with the sex. I don't regret it for a second. That is how we got our daughter. But I do think that maybe we would have stood a better chance for a strong and lasting relationship had we dated for a while instead of just jumping into bed together. We know the sex is amazing, now lets see how the relationship goes."**

**Elliot laughed and kissed her. "That sounds good to me. I love you, Olivia."**

"**I love you, Elliot."**

**He picked up her jeans from the floor and handed them to her.**

**Olivia laughed. "I'd better get dressed before the girls get back from swimming," she said standing to pull on her jeans.**

"**If you'll excuse me, I think I am going to go take a long cold shower," Elliot said climbing form the bed and moving quickly toward the bathroom.**

**Olivia laughed a little. She was a little amazed that after six years she still had that effect on him. Ten minutes later Maureen returned with McKenna from swimming. Olivia helped McKenna change clothes and fix her hair as Maureen waited for her father to get out of the bathroom so she could change.**

**That evening the four of them went to dinner at 'Chuck E. Cheese' where Elliot spent nearly sixty dollars on tokens to play games and with tickets to win McKenna stuffed puppy dog. He could have bought her at a department store for about ten dollars. But it was worth every penny to see the smile on her face when he handed it to her.**

**As they got back to the hotel Elliot carried his exhausted five year old into the room and tucked her into her bed. He kissed her gently and covered her up. Tonight Olivia would be sharing her bed with her daughter, Maggie and Lucky, the stuffed dog. **

**It was just after ten o'clock when they shut things down for the night. Elliot pulled out the convertible sofa and made up that bed for Maureen as he slept in the second king sized bed.**

**The next morning he and Olivia slipped out before McKenna woke to go get her SUV from the impound. Elliot stopped and rented a tow dolly then headed back to the hotel and loaded the car to pull it back. By noon they were on their way back to Manhattan. **


	10. 10 A New Beginning

_**Desperation**_

_**(Chapter Ten: A New Beginning)**_

**The next few weeks passed quickly. Elliot and Olivia spent as much time as they could with all of the children together, taking trips to the park and museums and the zoo. The kids all seemed to get along wonderfully. **

**Today Olivia was taking McKenna to enroll her in school. Her baby was about to enter Kindergarten.**

"**Hurry baby, you still have to brush your teeth," Olivia said as McKenna sat in pigtails eating her 'Lucky Charms' at the bar in the kitchen.**

"**Mommy, will Eli go to my school?"**

"**No, sweetheart. Eli goes to school in Queens, where his mommy lives."**

**McKenna looked disappointed. "But who will I play with?"**

**Olivia smiled. "You, McKenna Brianne, are going to make lots of new friends at your school."**

"**Are you gonna go to school too, mommy?" She asked watching as Olivia fixed her hair perfectly and re-checked her makeup.**

"**No honey, mommy has to get a job. And today after we go to your school you are going to stay with Maureen for a couple of hours so I can try to find one."**

"**You can come work at my school mom. Then is won't be scary anymore," she whispered.**

"**Hey kid," she said sitting in the chair beside her daughter, "there is no reason to be scared. "I bet your teacher is going to be fun and you are going to make a lot of friends and before long you will love kindergarten. You have always loved school."**

"**But my friends go to my old school. I don't have friends at my new school."**

"**It is going to be okay, sweetheart. I promise. By this time next week you will love school." Olivia kissed McKenna gently on her forehead. "Are you finished with breakfast?"**

"**Yes, mama."**

**Olivia smiled. "Run brush your teeth." She watched as McKenna climbed down and ran toward the back of the apartment. She carried McKenna's cereal bowl around the counter and washed it placing it in the dish drainer to dry.**

**She sat on the edge of the sofa and slipped her heels on as McKenna came walking back into the living room. **

"**You know what I was thinking?" Olivia asked her daughter.**

"**What mommy?"**

"**I was thinking maybe after we visit your school we should go buy you a new back pack. I think you need a new back pack for a new school. What do you think?"**

"**Yeah," McKenna smiled. "Can I get a pink one?"**

"**Sure. Whatever color you want."**

"**Pink mom, pink is my favorite!"**

"**Okay, we will go buy a pink back pack. And maybe go by the library so you can borrow a few books."**

**McKenna smiled. **

"**Maybe Maureen will read you one, while you are with her. Then later we will go pick daddy up at work and take him to lunch. How does that sound?"**

"**Daddy will be surprised to see us."**

"**Do you think it will be a good surprise?"**

"**Yes."**

"**Good. And you can tell daddy about your teacher and your school."**

**McKenna smiled again. **

"**Grab Maggie, sweetheart we have to get going."**

* * *

**A few hours later Olivia and McKenna arrived at the precinct to meet Elliot for lunch.**

"**Daddy!" She squealed as they stepped off the elevator and she ran to him.**

**Elliot picked her up. "Hi, princess!" **

"**We came to take you to lunch."**

"**Well, why don't you go inside and say hello to everybody. Then we'll go get some food."**

"**Okay daddy."**

**Elliot watched as McKenna made her was across the room to talk to her uncle Munch.**

"**How'd it go?" Elliot asked looking at Olivia.**

"**Good. She starts school on Monday and we met her teacher. She seems excited. I talked to a guy with a job placement service."**

"**Olivia, I told you there is no rush for you to go back to work."**

"**I had an interview."**

"**You did?"**

"**Yes. A receptionist/assistant position for an attorney. The place is only a few blocks from McKenna's school and the apartment. I can drop her off at school then head to work. I get off work just in time to pick her up from school and get back to the apartment and have dinner ready by the time you get home."**

"**Sounds perfect. Congratulations."**

"**Slow down, El. It was an interview. I don't have the job yet."**

"**What do you say I buy you guys some lunch? We start the celebration a little early."**

"**Okay," Olivia said with a smile as they walked back into the bullpen to collect their daughter.**

**McKenna was sitting on Olivia's desk drinking the orange soda her uncle Munch bought her. She was watching as he did magic tricks with a quarter and telling her uncle Fin all about her day.**

"…**and my mom got me new shoes and a purple back pack with the princesses on it. Purple is my favorite!" She kicked her feet causing her princess shoes to light up.**

"**Those are pretty cool shoes," Fin said. "Do you think they make those in my size?"**

**McKenna laughed. "Princess shoes are for girl's, uncle Fin."**

"**I think I need a pair with those lights in them. Do they have those for boys?"**

"**For little boys, they do. But I don't know about big boys. My mom can ask," she said nodding her head as Fin grinned.**

"**McKenna, stop bugging uncle Fin so he can do his work," Olivia said reaching for her daughter's hand.**

"**Oh, she's not bothering me. She's my buddy. Besides," he said as Olivia helped McKenna off the desk, "she is about the cutest thing I have ever seen."**

"**Kenna," Elliot said from across the room, "what do you say we go get some lunch and you can tell daddy all about your new school and your teacher."**

"**Okay daddy."**

"**I'll be back in an hour or so," Elliot said looking over at Fin. **

* * *

"**What are you hungry for?" Elliot asked McKenna as they sat down at their table.**

"**Umm, I don't know," she said holding up the menu studying it.**

**Elliot smiled knowing very well she didn't yet know how to read. **

"**What are you going to get mommy?"**

"**Probably a salad. Would you like a salad?"**

"**Eww! No!"**

**Olivia looked at Elliot and they both laughed.**

"**Can I have that," she said pointing to a picture from the kids menu.**

"**Grilled cheese and French fries?" Elliot asked.**

"**Yeah. No salad," she said scrunching up her nose and looking exactly like her mother.**

"**Okay," Elliot said flagging the waitress.**

"**McKenna did you tell daddy about your new school?"**

"**It's big. And has a lot of cool stuff on the playground. And it is by our house."**

"**You think you're gonna like it?"**

"**Yes. And my teacher is Miss Grace, she is real nice."**

"**Good honey, I'm glad you like your school and your teacher."**

"**And mommy got me princess shoes and a new back pack. It's purple, my favorite!"**

"**I thought pink was your favorite?"**

"**Pink was my other favorite," she whispered, "now I like purple."**

**Olivia's cell phone rang just as the waitress was sitting their food onto the table. She walked away from the table for a moment as she answered the call. Elliot helped McKenna cut her grilled cheese into smaller pieces and put catsup on her plate for her fries as Olivia walked back over and sat down.**

"**Everything alright?" He asked as Olivia tucked a napkin into McKenna's shirt.**

"**Yeah," she said looking up at him with a smile. "That was my new boss asking me if I can start work on Monday."**

"**You got the job?"**

"**Yes."**

"**Congratulations."**

"**Thank you," she said with a smile.**


	11. 11 From The Mouths Of Babes

_**Desperation**_

_**(Chapter Eleven: From The Mouths Of Babes)**_

**McKenna sat at the bar coloring a picture as Olivia cooked dinner, Elliot would be home soon. It had been a long and exhausting first week back to work. And although Olivia really liked her job and seemed to be doing well at it she was having trouble getting used to not being a stay at home mom anymore.**

"**Mom?"**

"**What?"**

"**I said, what is for dinner?"**

"**No, you asked what is for dinner. That is a question. You ask questions, you don't say them."**

**Olivia watched as **_**little miss almost six **_**propped her head against her palm and stared unamused at her.**

"**We are having baked salmon with Rosemary sauce served on a bed of long grain wild rice and a portabella-broccoli stir-fry."**

**McKenna scrunched up her nose. "What is that?"**

"**Fish with rice and broccoli with mushrooms."**

"**Like fish sticks?"**

"**You know what," Olivia stared at her daughter for a moment knowing she would probably take one bits of the salmon and refuse to eat it, "you want fish sticks? You got fish sticks. Mommy will put them in the oven right now."**

**McKenna grinned.**

"**Fish sticks and rice and broccoli. A little odd, but it is a meal."**

"**I like broccoli, mom."**

"**Good. So how was school today?"**

"**Good. I like my new school."**

"**You do? Do you have any new friends?"**

"**Yes. Some friends. But my best friend it Katie."**

"**Is Katie nice?"**

"**Yes."**

"**What do you and Katie like to do at school?"**

"**We draw pictures and swing on the swings. She can go really high. And we sing songs and play games."**

"**Well, Katie sounds like a really good friend."**

"**Yes," McKenna said tipping her head. "Mommy, can we get a doggie?"**

"**Where did that come from?"**

"**Katie has a dog. He is big and black with white socks and he knows lots of tricks. His name is Jake."**

"**Baby, we don't have any room for a dog because we live in an apartment."**

"**But what if we move again? Can we have a dog if we don't live at a partment?"**

"**In an apartment? Possibly. Maybe some day. But not right now."**

"**Oh. Then can I get a baby sister instead?"**

"**Whoa, what?"**

"**A baby sister. To play with me. One that lives here with me and you and daddy. I will be a good big sister, mommy."**

"**What, does Katie have one of those, too?" Olivia asked placing her hand on her hip still barely able to believe she was having this conversation with her five year old.**

"**No," McKenna said shaking her head and picking up another crayon. "She had a baby brother."**

**Olivia stared at her for a minute still in shock and unsure of what to say. **

"**But I don't want a brother. I want a sister. Brothers are mean."**

"**Honey, you already have two brothers and three sisters. Are your brothers mean?"**

"**Eli is sometimes. He hides Maggie and wont help me find her. And he colored all of the pictures in my princess book and would not share the markers."**

**Olivia walked around the edge of the counter. "Come her kid," she said raising McKenna to sit on the counter. "I know you are used to being the only kid in the house. But Eli is your brother. You have to share with him, too. You guys have to find a way to play nice together. Maybe mommy can help you pick out some coloring books that you can both color in. And we will make sure there are plenty of markers. But you guys can't fight. He is your brother and he loves you very much. And you love him, too. I know you do. So the next time Eli is over here you make sure you are sharing your things with him and if he is mean about it or he hides Maggie again, you go tell your daddy. Okay?"**

"**Okay, mommy."**

"**I am so proud of you princess," Olivia said kissing McKenna and hugging her.**

"**But mommy, I still want a baby sister."**

"**Yeah, well….we'll see about that in a few years or so. Can you help mommy set the table?"**

"**Yes," she said kissing Olivia.**

**Olivia helped her down then sat a stack of plates and silverware on the table. McKenna placed a plate and silverware at each of the three seats at the table. **

"**Go get washed up for dinner, sweetheart. Daddy will be home any minute."**

**A few minutes later the front door opened and Elliot walked in dropping his keys on the table beside the door.**

"**Daddy," McKenna called out running to his side and hugging his legs.**

"**Hey Kenna," Elliot said picking her up and hugging her. "Daddy missed you today. How was school?"**

"**Good. I colored you a picture. Wanna see?"**

"**I sure do," Elliot said pulling her down as she ran to the bar to pick it up. **

"**How was work?" He asked smiling up at Olivia.**

"**Good. I really like the job. It is just getting used to working again that wears me out," she laughed.**

"**Something smells wonderful."**

"**Salmon."**

"**And fish sticks," McKenna said tugging on his pant leg for Elliot to pick her back up.**

"**And fish sticks," Olivia repeated with a smile.**

"**Look daddy," McKenna said turning the page to show him as Elliot picked her up again. "This is you and mommy and me."**

"**That is beautiful, honey. But who is that?"**

"**That is our dog. But…we cant get a dog until we move cause we have a partment," she informed him. **

"**Oh, okay. You did really good on this. It is really pretty. Why don't you write your name on it and daddy will take it to work and hang it by my desk?"**

"**Really?"**

"**Yeah. And show every body what a good artist you are."**

**McKenna smiled. "I love you daddy."**

"**I love you too, baby girl. And you know what tomorrow is?"**

"**Saturday."**

"**What do we do on Saturday?"**

"**Make pancakes and watch cartoons."**

"**That is right. And daddy has been looking forward to his Saturday with you all week."**

"**Me too daddy."**

"**Have you washed your hands for dinner?"**

"**Yes. And I setted the table, too."**

"**You've been helping mommy, huh?"**

"**Yes."**

"**That's my good girl. Let's go eat. Daddy is really hungry."**

"**Daddy," McKenna said as they ate their dinner.**

"**Yes, Kenna?"**

"**If you are still hungry after you eat your fish, you can have some of my fish sticks."**

"**Thank you, but I think daddy has plenty of food."**

"**Daddy?"**

"**Yes, Kenna?"**

"**Is a fish stick a fishie's finger?" She scrunched her nose up and stared at the breaded bite on her fork.**

"**No, honey. A fish stick is the same part of the fish that daddy has. They just cut it like that so it is easier to pick up and eat."**

"**Oh," she said smiling. **

**After dinner Elliot did the dinner dishes while Olivia soaked in a hot bath to relax and McKenna played in her bedroom. Olivia returned to the living room and sat down on the sofa with her book. **

**Elliot made his way down the hall to get his daughter ready for bed. A few minutes later McKenna climbed up on the couch to kiss Olivia good night then headed for her room.**

"**Let me get her in bed and I'll pour us a glass of wine and you can tell me about the new job," Elliot said following McKenna down the hall.**

**Olivia watched as he walked back into the kitchen and poured them each a glass of her favorite red wine then took a seat beside her.**

"**So? Tell me all about it," he said handing her a glass.**

"**Not much to tell. I type and file and answer phones. Take messages and schedule meetings."**

"**Do you like it?"**

"**I do."**

"**But?"**

**Olivia stared up at him and smiled. "What?"**

"**I feel a but coming on. I can see it in your face."**

"**It's nothing."**

"**What?"**

"**I just…it is hard to get used to working again. I have not had a job in over six years. And even then it was nothing like this. I kind of feel like I am sitting around not doing anything."**

"**Bored?"**

"**Kind of."**

"**You hate it."**

"**No, I just…"**

"**Olivia?"**

**She looked at him for a moment and they both smiled. "Okay, I hate it. And I feel bad for hating it. My boss is great and the other people I work with are so nice. It is only blocks from here and the schedule works out perfect with McKenna's school. I have to be crazy not to like it."**

"**Not really. This is not exactly the kind of work that you are used to. You are a cop, were anyway. And a damn good one. Admit it, you are an adrenaline junkie and some boring old desk job just isn't cutting it."**

**Olivia laughed and took another sip of wine. "I need this job, Elliot."**

"**No you don't."**

**She looked up at him.**

"**I told you, you don't have to go back to work. I can take care of you guys. I like taking care of you guys. Besides you should be getting a check from his life insurance once they close the case. Things will be okay."**

"**Elliot, you are gone all day and now McKenna is in school. I have to work. If I don't I will probably go crazy, just sitting around here all day."**

"**Okay, so find a different job then. One that is more hands on, something that keeps you more active."**

"**That is a good idea. I could keep this until I find something else."**

"**How is McKenna liking school?"**

"**She seems to love it. She has a best friend, named Katie. Katie has a dog."**

"**That is where the dog came in. I figured you already had the dog talk with her, by the way she talked to me about it."**

**Olivia smiled. "Yeah. You will never guess what else your daughter said."**

"**This must be bad."**

"**Why do you say that?"**

"**You referred to her as **_**my**_** daughter. Olivia, I have five other children. I know that when one of them is referred to as **_**my child **_**it usually means trouble."**

**Olivia smiled. "Not that bad. But it caught me off guard."**

"**What did she say?"**

"**That she wanted a baby sister."**

**Olivia laughed as Elliot smiled.**

"**That's not so bad. What did you tell her?"**

"**I told her that we would talk about it in a few years."**

"**I think she would make a great big sister."**

"**That is what she said."**

"**Oh, come on. You and James were trying to have another baby. So obviously at some point you considered having giving her a little brother or sister."**

"**She doesn't want a brother. She was specific. She only wants a sister."**

**Elliot laughed and took a drink of his wine. **

"**She is adorable though."**

"**Oh yeah, she's cute. But I was so worried she was going to ask me where babies come from or how they were made. Hard conversation to have with your five year old."**

"**I see your point. Do you still think about it?"**

"**What?"**

"**Having another baby?"**

"**Things are different now, Elliot."**

"**How?"**

"**For one I no longer have a husband. I am a single mother and I thank god every day that you are here and that she at least has her father. And second of all, my husband has been dead for six months now. I have not even started dating yet. How could I possibly consider getting pregnant?"**

"**You should think about it," he said kicking his shoes off and raising his feet to rest on the coffee table.**

"**Getting pregnant?"**

"**No, dating again," he laughed.**

**Olivia laughed, too.**

"**I don't know. I mean how long do you wait after your spouse is murdered to start dating someone else?"**

"**As long as it takes you to feel ready. It is not about James anymore, Olivia. It is about you and McKenna, now." He raised his hand and locked his fingers in hers.**

"**Elliot," she said softly as he rubbed his fingertip across hers.**

"**I know this is hard for you, because you want to do things right for her. But we are her parents, Olivia. You and I. How could that possibly be wrong?"**

**Olivia exhaled deeply. "Elliot, if we dated and it didn't work out how would I explain that to her?"**

"**At least we would know we tried. That we gave it a real shot. Right now we cant even say that. It would be different if we had given it a real try before and it didn't work out. But all we had was one night. One **_**amazing**_** night."**

"**One **_**amazing**_** night, while you were still married to someone else."**

"**And now we have one **_**amazing**_** little girl. Maybe it would be nice to have two."**

"**What?"**

"**I mean later down the line. If things worked out between us."**

"**You have six kids, Elliot."**

"**Do you want another baby?"**

"**Now?"**

"**Ever? At all, with anyone? Do you want to have another child?"**

**Olivia stared at him for a few moments then looked down at her glass. "Yes. Someday, I would like to have one more."**

"**And how bad could it possibly be if McKenna and her sister **_**or brother **_**shared a mommy and a daddy? If things worked out. But we will never know, Olivia. Not if we don't take the chance."**

**She sat quest for a few minutes.**

"**We can take it slow. One or two dates just to see if the spark is still there. Then, if it is, we slowly progress into a romantic relationship."**

"**What are you saying here, Elliot?"**

"**I guess I am asking you out on a date."**

"**You are?" Olivia asked with a shy smile.**

"**Yes."**

"**Then, yes. My answer is yes."**

**Elliot grinned.**

"**On two conditions," she said looking at him.**

"**Anything."**

"**First, we move slowly and take our time and I don't want McKenna or the other kids to know about it at least until we know that we are interested in an actual relationship. I don't see any point in telling her or them if this ends up just being one or two dates."**

"**I can live with that. And second?"**

"**Second. Forget everything I just said about having another baby."**

"**What? Why?"**

"**Because I don't want this to be about kids and a family. I want it to be about us. And I am only interested in having more kids way down the road anyway. That could be several years from now. We may not even be together by the time I am ready."**

**Elliot smiled. "Alright. We date, slowly and don't tell the kids until we know for sure what is going on. And I will try not to get you pregnant again."**

**Olivia laughed. "Smart ass!"**

"**I agree with you on this one hundred percent."**

"**You do?"**

"**Of course. And now that we have written the terms and conditions, I was wondering if you would like to join me for a nice romantic dinner out tomorrow night?"**

"**I would love to. But what about McKenna? Dates are not as romantic with a five year old at the dinner table."**

"**I call Maureen or Kathleen in the morning and ask them to baby sit for a few hours. We can tell them it is something for work. Besides I think you could use a little grown up time away."**

"**Okay, but I am letting you know now that I do not go past second base on a first date."**

"**Good to know," Elliot said as Olivia smiled at him.**

"**On that note, I am going to bed."**

"**I'd probably better get to bed as well. I promised a certain daughter of mine I would help her make pancakes and watch cartoons with her in the morning. And if I know her, sleeping in on Saturday means about eight o'clock."**

**Olivia smiled. "Night, El."**

"**Night, Liv."**

**She watched until he had gone into his room and the door was closed. She smiled as the feeling for first date butterflies began to fill her stomach. **

**Elliot closed his bedroom door and leaned against it for a minute. He could barely believe that the amazing woman who lived down the hall from him was finally going to give him the chance to make them a real family. **


	12. 12 Do Over

_Desperation_

_(Chapter Twelve: Do Over)_

"Can I show you something?" Elliot said tapping on Olivia's bedroom door.

"Sure," she said sitting her book on the end table and slid over on the sofa making room for Elliot.

He sat down beside Olivia with his lap top. "I have been thinking about the conversation with McKenna last night and the picture she drew me."

"Oh yeah?"

"And I had an idea."

Elliot raised the computer screen and maximized the screen to show the webpage he had been looking at.

"A dog?"

"This is a kennel just out side of the city. They have everything from Teacup Poodles to Great Danes. I figured you and I could check it out and get her a dog."

"You want to get her a dog? In an apartment?"

"The building allows dogs, Liv. She really wants this. It can be for her birthday."

"Her birthday is in January."

"Yeah, so."

"It is September, Elliot."

"And I thought maybe it would help get her to back off a bit about the baby sister idea."

"A dog is a great idea, Elliot. What kind were you thinking?"

Elliot laughed. "I thought you would eventually see it my way. I'm not sure. The Labradors are cute."

"They are big dogs."

"You don't like big dogs?"

"Big dogs equal big poop. They need more exercise and make big messes. And I am not sure we have the room in this apartment for a big dog."

"First of all, don't worry about the poop. I will walk the dog. And I think it will be good to help her learn responsibility. She can be responsible for feeding it and brushing it and as she gets bigger we can give her more stuff to do to help care for the dog."

"Alright."

"Yeah?"

"Yeah, I think you're right."

Elliot looked at her and smiled. "Okay, so now that we agree on that. What kind of dog do we want?"

"I don't want anything too big. But nothing too small either. I want it to be big enough it can play with the kids and us not have to worry about it getting hurt."

"Sturdy dog. What about a German Shepherd? Standard police dog."

"They are smart and really beautiful dogs. Great watch dogs and it says they are good family dogs."

"This one is cute," she said pointing to a picture of a puppy on the screen.

"A Pomeranian."

"He looks like a little bear."

"They don't get very big though. They are a toy dog and look at all that hair."

"Okay, maybe not. Next," Olivia said clicking the mouse to move to the next picture. "Oh, Elliot. Look at this one. He is beautiful."

"That is an Australian Shepherd puppy. It says they are smart and easy to train. A good people dog and thrive to make their master happy. Very smart dogs. Here is a picture of an adult. It's a big dog, but not as big as the German Shepherd. Good temperament. Is this what you want?"

"They are smart and beautiful dogs. Good with kids and big enough for them to play with. Easy to train. Sounds like a winner to me. What do you think?"

"It sounds like the perfect dog for us. As long as we take a lot of walks and frequent the park, I think it will be fine. Okay, I will call the number and see if we can go look at what they have."

"Today?"

"Yeah, if that works for them. Oh and Kathy called this morning wanting to know if McKenna could spend the night with Eli. I told her I would talk to you. But it would give us the chance to get the puppy and have everything set up for when she comes home tomorrow. And we will have the time alone for a nice romantic dinner."

Olivia smiled. "Kathy called or you asked her?"

"No, she called me. She said that Dickie got a new video game and they are planning a big game night. She is getting pizza and renting movies and having a kids night. She said it was actually Elizabeth's idea."

"I don't mind, El. But I am not sure if she will stay. She has been through a lot. What if she has a nightmare or just wants to come home?"

"Then Kathy will call us and I will go an pick her up. And I will be sure she understands that she doesn't have to stay if she doesn't want to. We could even take her over there to play for a few hours and pick her up later. But I would like to give her the opportunity. Plus, Maureen will be there. She loves Maureen."

"Okay, call her in here and we will talk to her. I am alright with a sleep over if that is what she wants to do. She is five, I wouldn't be comfortable letting her stay with just anyone. But this is Kathy and her siblings, I think she will be fine. I trust Kathy."

"I never thought I would hear those words come out of your mouth."

Olivia laughed. "I figure between the two of you you've got five pretty great kids. I think McKenna will be just fine. My only concern is that she has not spent the night anywhere before."

"Lets talk to her and see what she wants to do."

Olivia called McKenna into the room. She climbed up into her mother's lap and looked up at her with her big brown eyes.

"What mommy?"

Olivia kissed the top of McKenna's forehead as she combed her fingers through her little girl's dark hair. "Eli's mommy called and they want to know if you would like to spend the night at their house tonight. Maureen and Eli and all of the kids will be there. They are getting some movies and ordering pizza. What do you think? Would you like to spend the night?"

"I think so."

"You think so?" Olivia asked.

"Kenna, if you don't want to spend the night you could just go over there and play for a while. Or you can go to spend the night and if for any reason you decide you want to come home you tell Maureen or Elizabeth or Kathy and they will call here and daddy will come and pick you up."

"Can Maggie go too?"

"She sure can," Olivia said with a smile.

"Okay. Can I call Maureen and tell her?"

"Here baby," Elliot said dialing Maureen's cell phone number and handing McKenna the phone.

Elliot and Olivia smiled at the adorable conversation McKenna had on the phone with her big sister. "Daddy, Maureen said can she pick me up?"

"That is fine, honey."

"My dad said yes," McKenna said into the phone. "She will be here at two," McKenna said as she closed the phone and handed it back to Elliot.

"Why don't you go get Maggie ready? Mommy will be in in a few minutes to help you pack some clothes."

"Okay, momma." McKenna ran back down the hall to her bedroom.

Elliot laughed. "She is so damn cute," he said looking at Olivia. "Give me one good reason we shouldn't have about three more of those," he said pointing down the hall in the direction their daughter went.

"I'll give you eight. That is how many hours I was in labor before I had a finally cesarean because she was in the wrong position. But I wouldn't take it back for anything in the world. She is the love of my life. I would love to have another baby, Elliot. But I don't think either of us is ready for that right now."

"Alright, then we'll start with a dog. Work our way up to another kid."

Olivia smiled. "I have to go pack some clothes for her."

* * *

After Maureen picked McKenna up, Elliot and Olivia drove to a place a few miles outside of the city to look at the puppies. The woman who ran the place took them to the back of a large barn to look at a litter of five puppies.

"Do you know what you are looking for? These are blue merles," she said pointing to three grayish pups with black markings. "Those two are going to be black and white. And I have a littler due in a couple of weeks that should have sable pups also."

"I like the gray ones," Olivia said picking up a puppy and looking at it.

"Are you looking for a male or a female?" The woman asked.

Olivia looked at Elliot. "I don't know much about dogs," she said.

"We're getting the dog for our five year old little girl. We're just looking for an indoor companion. Do you have any recommendations?"

"Play with them a bit. I can let them out in the yard and you can watch them, get to see a bit of their personality. Find a dog that speaks to you."

The woman opened the opened the door of the pen and called the puppies out into the yard. They followed the litter as they bounced and ran toward the door. Olivia placed the puppy in her arms in the group with its siblings and they stood together for a few minutes just watching the puppies bounce around and play.

"What do you think?" She asked looking at Elliot.

"She is a little girl. Maybe we should get her a girl dog."

"I honestly don't think McKenna is going to care what dog we bring home. She is just going to be excited to have a puppy."

"Good point."

Olivia walked out into the middle of the yard and knelt down in the grass. She watched as two of the puppies made their way over to her and began to climb around on her. One of the puppies was black and white and the other was a smoky grey color with brown and black specks.

She picked the two puppies up in her arms and carried them to Elliot.

"One of these two. What one do you like?"

Elliot inspected the dogs then took the gray one from Olivia. He held the pup up and looked closer at it then turned it around for her to look at it.

"You like the gray ones?"

"I do. But they are both so cute. I really think the gray ones are beautiful." Olivia reached up and scratched the top of the pups head as it looked up at her. "Oh look El, he has a blue eye. That is so pretty."

Olivia sat down the black puppy and reached for the one in Elliot's arms.

"Actually Liv," Elliot said as she took the dog from him, "_he_ is a _she_. This dog is a female."

"She is so sweet," Olivia said as the puppy licked her chin. She smiled and laughed.

"I think this is the one," Elliot said with a smile as he handed the woman the money for the dog.

"If you want to follow me into the office, I can get you her papers."

Olivia smiled and talked baby talk to her new friend as the woman herded the other pups back into their pen then showed them into the office.

"Once you pick out a name for her you just fill these out and sent them in. There is a twenty five dollar registration fee. My information and the information for both parents are already on here. They will send you back her papers and her pedigree. It will show the bloodlines on both the father and mother's side back four generations."

"Like a family tree?" Olivia asked.

"Yes. There you go. I hope you enjoy the new edition to your family."

"I am sure we are going to love her."

"I am sure our daughter really will."

Olivia held the puppy on the way beck to the city. They stopped at a pet friendly store to pick up some supplies. A kennel and food dishes, a designer collar and leash, puppy food, toys, bones and three little dresses for McKenna to play dress up with her new puppy.

"Do we have everything?" Elliot asked looking in the cart.

"Wait, shampoo. She really needs a bath," Olivia said tossing a brush and a bottle of puppy shampoo into the cart. "Now we're ready."

* * *

Back at the apartment Olivia gave the new puppy a bath while Elliot cooked them their romantic dinner. It was now nearly eight o'clock and Olivia didn't want to go out and leave the puppy home alone on her first night in the apartment, so Elliot decided to compromise.

Olivia wrapped the wet dog in a towel and dried her off a bit. She brushed out her thick coat and used her hair dryer to finish drying her. Afterward she put the pink rhinestone studded collar onto the puppy and misted her with a bit of perfume.

"What a good girl," Olivia said as she kissed the puppy. She clipped the leash on the dog and walked her into the into the dining room. "Well, she smells better anyway."

Elliot smiled as he looked down at the puppy. "Kenna is going to love her."

"I can't wait to see the look on her face when she sees that her daddy got her a puppy."

"Mommy helped. We both picked out the puppy. She really is a beautiful dog."

"I am going to walk her outside for a little bit then bring her in and feed her."

"By then our dinner should be done. That will give me a little time to set things up in here."

Olivia smiled. "It is really sweet that you are cooking me dinner for our first date. Thank you."

"What can I say? You're worth it." Elliot winked at her and she smiled back at him.

Olivia picked up the puppy and headed to the elevator.

Twenty minutes later after Olivia had fed the puppy and put her in her kennel for a while. She joined Elliot at the table as he lit some candles and poured them each a glass of wine.

Just as they sat down and started to eat Elliot's cell phone rang.

Olivia smiled at him from across the table as he stared at her.

"Will you excuse me for just one minute?"

"Of course," she said reaching for her wine glass as Elliot picked up the phone and looked at it. "It's Kathy."

He answered the call and Olivia watched the grin that slowly spread across his face as he looked back at her. "It's McKenna," he whispered. "She is scared and doesn't want to sleep there."

"My poor baby," Olivia said softly.

"Daddy will come and get you right now sweetheart," Elliot said to his daughter. He hung up the phone and looked back up at Olivia.

"So much for our date, huh?" She said.

"No. We can continue this after she goes to bed. It will be around nine by the time she gets home. Give her an hour or so to play with the dog and she'll be out. I can reheat this then, relight the candles and continue our dinner."

"Sounds good," Olivia said with a smile.

"There is just one thing," Elliot said as he stood up from the table.

"What?"

Elliot leaned forward and kissed her tenderly.

"I have wanted to do that for so long."

Olivia smiled again.

"Let's go get our daughter."

Elliot helped her move the dog and her kennel into Olivia's room until they returned for the surprise then they went to go get McKenna. It was about an hour later when they returned and Olivia held the little girl's hand as they walked into the apartment.

It was her job to strike up conversation and distract her daughter as Elliot slipped into the other room and got the puppy. McKenna was sitting on the couch beside her mother showing off a picture she had colored at Kathy's, a picture of a dog. Just then Elliot appeared from the bedroom with the puppy in his arms.

"McKenna," he said as she looked up at him.

"We got a doggie?" She squealed as she jumped up and ran to him.

Elliot knelt in the floor for his daughter to pet the dog.

"Hi puppy," she said playfully as she kissed the dog. "Is it a boy dog or a girl dog, daddy?"

"It is a little girl dog."

"What is her name?"

"She doesn't have one yet," Olivia said. "You will have to think of a really good one for her. "Daddy got her for you as an early birthday present."

"Thank you daddy," McKenna squealed kissing his cheek.

"Well, she is from mommy and daddy. But there are a few conditions."

"What is a condition?" She asked looking at him.

"Kind of like a rule. To keep a puppy there are some rules. You have to feed her and brush her and make sure she has plenty of water. And play with her and help daddy take her for walks. I was thinking it could be your job to feed her. Every day when it is time for her to eat, that is your job. We are all going to have to work to take care of the doggy together. A pet is a big responsibility. That means everyone will have jobs to take care of her and we all have to do our jobs. Is it a deal?"

"Okay daddy. Do I need to feed her now?"

"Not tonight honey, mommy already fed her. But starting tomorrow, that is your job. Do you think you can handle it?"

"Yes," she said with a smile.

Elliot put the puppy down into the floor and they watched as McKenna pet her and kissed her and talked to her.

"Kenna, you will also have to keep your toys picked up out of the floor. Because a puppy wont know what toys are yours and what ones are hers," Olivia said.

"I will."

Olivia gave her the dog toys and brush and the dresses they bought for the puppy and let McKenna take her into her room to play with her. About an hour later she went to check on McKenna.

"Elliot, come here," she said standing in the door of McKenna's room.

He walked to her side to see their little girl curled up on her bed asleep with Maggie and her new puppy.

"I guess the dog was a hit."

"It was a great idea," Olivia said smiling at him.

"I have another great idea," he said leaning forward to steal another kiss. "Why don't I pour us another glass of wine and order a pizza. I don't think that stuff I made earlier is going to taste as good out of the microwave. We can find a movie on television and hang out on the sofa together for a little while."

She smiled again. "I like that idea."

"Maybe I could get a do over on the romantic dinner?"

"I think that could be arranged," she said with a smile. "I think that is one of the sweetest things anyone has ever done for me."

"You do?"

She stared into his eyes and nodded. "I would love to try it again sometime."

That evening they sat on the sofa together eating delivery pizza and drinking wine by candle light. It was one of the most romantic dates Olivia had ever been on.


	13. 13 Olivia's Bad Day

_**Desperation**_

_**(Chapter Thirteen: Olivia's Bad Day)**_

**Olivia was running late getting home from another boring day at her job. She had picked McKenna up from school and been running errands, picking up dry cleaning and grocery shopping when Kathleen called her cell phone wanting to know if she could take McKenna with Eli to see a movie. **

**When Olivia arrived home Kathleen was parked in front of the apartment to pick her baby sister up. Olivia kissed her daughter good by and handed Kathleen some cash to cover McKenna's ticket and snacks. She waved goodbye to the kids as she watched the car drive away, then filled her arms with the three grocery bags and Elliot's freshly laundered suits. **

**Olivia made her way to the elevator and pressed the button with her elbow. She juggled the bags all the way down the hall leaning them against the wall as she attempted to put her key into the lock.**

"**Great," she mumbled under her breath as one of the bags slid down the wall and spilled into the floor. **

**She unlocked and pushed open the apartment door sliding the first two bags inside, then began to pick up canned goods and other random items from the hall floor. This had already been such a long week and it was only Wednesday. Today, Olivia was having a bad day. Her boss had been a complete jerk to her all afternoon, he made her stay over twenty minutes to fix a mistake he had made in some paperwork without even as much as a thank you. Because she had to work late she was late picking up McKenna from school. The gas pump at the filling station didn't shut off like it was supposed to and over flowed gasoline all over the car and the ground costing her an extra six dollars before she finally got the pump to turn off. The ATM ate her debit card. Then she was distracted while talking to Kathleen on the phone and left the store forgetting the credit card she used to pay for the groceries. And to top it all off, tonight was her night to cook dinner. **

**Today was one of those days when she should have stayed in bed. Right now she wanted nothing more than to unwind in a nice hot bath with a good book and a glass of her favorite merlot. **

**Olivia exhaled in annoyance blowing a strand of her hair from her eyes with her warm breath as she walked into the living room. She slid the bags in the floor over with her foot enough to close the door behind her. She tossed the dry cleaning across the arm of the couch and picked the bags up once more heading for the kitchen.**

**Olivia stepped around the corner into the doorway of the dining room and stared ahead dropping all three bags into the floor. Across the room the dining room table was set and the room was lit with the soft romantic glow of candles from the center piece. Next to her plate sat a dozen red roses wrapped in tissue paper and the chair was pulled out for her. Behind it stood Elliot, looking more handsome than she had ever seen a man look before. **

"**Leave them," he said softly reaching for her hand as tears filled her eyes.**

**Olivia smiled as a tear slid down her cheek. "I don't know what to say," she said softly trying not to break down. "I have had the worst day, ever. And… in three seconds you just made everything wonderful again." **

**Elliot stepped forward and pulled her to him. He stared into her eyes as he wiped her tears away. "Do you want to talk about it?"**

"**No. Not now. I don't want to ruin all of this." She exhaled and drew a deep breath. "This is amazing. Thank you."**

"**Do over."**

"**Huh?"**

"**I promised you a do over. Dinner," he said nodding his head toward the table. "I had some personal time. Kathleen called me while I was at work and asked about taking McKenna to a movie, so I knew you would come home alone. I gave her extra money to take them all out for pizza. I took off work a little early. I came home and cleaned house, then I fixed dinner. You have been working so hard lately and then coming home and cooking and cleaning and it is about time I thanked you properly. I want us to have time alone together and obviously with our schedules…it is never going to happen on it's own." Elliot cleared his throat. "It is five o'clock now and they are not due back until around nine or so. Four and a half hours child free to relax and enjoy ourselves. I made dinner and I will do the dishes. You sit and relax and unwind," he said pouring her a glass of wine. "Our do over starts right now."**

**Olivia smiled as she took her seat. Elliot started some soft romantic music and they enjoyed a romantic dinner for two, while the groceries remained scattered across the floor. It was like an escape from the day of hell. From the moment she looked into his eyes, nothing else mattered but being with him. **

**They laughed and talked and she eventually opened up about her run of bad luck that day. Elliot shared with her the events of his day and it felt like old times. Everything seemed alright now as she was able to discuss the events that just about had her in tears when she walked into the apartment and now, they actually seemed a bit more humorous.**

**After dinner Elliot helped her put away the groceries. A little later they took the dog for an evening stroll in the park under the moonlight. It was sweet and romantic and the perfect follow up to the hellish day she had. They stood on the bank by the lake and took turns skimming stones across the water as they shared stories and caught up on the past. **

**They strolled hand in hand as they walked back toward the apartment. At the apartment door before going back inside Elliot thanked Olivia for a lovely evening, then leaned in and gave her the most romantic good night kiss she had ever experienced.**

"**Wow," she said softly as their lips parted and she opened her eyes again. It wasn't until that moment she realized she had said it out loud. Olivia smiled a little embarrassed.**

"**Yeah, wow. That was exactly what I was thinking."**

"**I didn't mean to say that out loud."**

"**Don't be embarrassed, Liv. It's just me. And I thought it was pretty great myself," he said leaning in to steal another **_**wow worthy **_**kiss.**

**One thing lead to another and within moments they were in the middle of a ten minute make out session in the hall in front of their apartment. **

"**El," she mumbled softly pushing him back and sliding out from between him and the door. "I had a great time tonight. And it was really sweet of you to set all of this up… But I…I"**

"**What, Liv?" he asked with a smile.**

"**I don't want to have sex with you," she blurted out before she even realized what she had said. **

**Olivia's jaw dropped and her eyes widened. She could not believe she had just said those words. She spun around and pushed open the apartment door taking a few steps inside. She was panicking and she had to get out of reach of the scent of his incredibly sexy cologne so she could think clearly. She had to fix this.**

**Elliot stepped inside quietly and laid his keys on the table beside the door. He unclipped the puppy from her leash and set her free in the apartment and turned on the light beside the sofa.**

**Olivia took a deep breath and turned to face him. "I am so sorry," she said still unable to believe what she had said.**

"**Look, if you are not ready to date yet, I understand that. But I need you to know that tonight was not about trying to get into your pants. I just wanted us to have a nice romantic evening together. A romantic, stress free, night together. I didn't mean to make you feel pressured about anything."**

"**No, you didn't. I just…I don't know, really what is wrong with me. It has just been such a crazy and horrible day. And then I come home and everything is completely amazing. Then we kissed and that was incredible."**

"**You didn't want me to kiss you?"**

"**No! Yes!" She exhaled and raised her hand to her forehead. "I did. I have not dated in over seven years. I am not even sure I remember how to do this."**

"**You did fine. Except for the…" Elliot pointed over his shoulder at the door.**

"**Yeah." She sat on the arm of the sofa she looked up at him.**

"**We survived," Elliot said with a smile.**

**Olivia smiled and laughed.**

"**Nobody ever said dating was easy. I'm a little rusty at this myself. But I think considering neither of us has been on a date in years, we did just fine."**

"**Really?" She sighed in relief.**

"**Yes."**

"**Because I was pretty sure I just ruined everything right there."**

"**Not everything. Infact, if you are not doing anything Friday night I would like to take you to a movie. Maybe get some dinner."**

**Olivia smiled up at him. "I would love to. But…"**

"**But?"**

"**But, it may not be as romantic with our five year old tagging along."**

"**I will take care of the babysitter. I was thinking maybe Eli could spend the night with McKenna. I can get Elizabeth to sit with them until we get home."**

"**Okay. Kenna will be home soon. I'm gonna go take a hot bath."**

"**I'll finish cleaning up the kitchen and wait for McKenna."**

**Olivia turned to walk down the hallway.**

"**And Olivia…"**

"**Yeah?"**

"**I don't want to have sex with you either." That was the first time he had lied to her since the last time they had spent the night making love.**

**She was quiet for a moment unsure of what to say. "Oh," she said embarrassed as she walked into the bathroom and closed the door behind her.**

**An hour later when she got out of the bath, McKenna was sitting at the bar in her pajamas and eating ice cream while telling Elliot about the movie they had watched.**

"**Hi mom," she smiled with a rocky road moustache.**

"**Hi sweetheart," Olivia said wiping her face with a wash cloth and placing the empty bowl into the sink as she avoided even looking at Elliot. "Did you have fun?"**

"**Yes. Daddy said Eli gets to spend the night on Friday."**

"**That sounds like fun. You'll have to make sure your room is cleaned up."**

"**I will."**

"**Why don't you go brush your teeth and I will come in to tuck you in a few minutes."**

"**Okay, mommy." **

**Olivia kissed her daughter and watched as she disappeared down the hallway. She washed out the ice cream bowl then headed in to tuck her in as she did every night. **

"**You brushed your teeth?"**

"**Yup."**

"**How good?" Olivia said leaning to smell her tooth past breath. This was like a game between them they played every night since McKenna was little.**

"**Real good, mom." **

"**Oh, that is good. They are sparkling white."**

**McKenna laid down and Olivia tucked her in helping the chubby little puppy onto the bed as well. **

"**Daddy and I took her potty already, so if you want her to sleep with you tonight she can."**

"**Okay," McKenna said stroking the dogs soft fuzz.**

"**You know, we have had her for over a week now and she still does not have a name. You should really name her."**

"**I know a good name mommy."**

"**What honey?"**

"**Boots."**

"**Boots?"**

"**Yes. Like Boots the monkey, on Dora. And because her brown front feet look like boots."**

"**They kind of do," Olivia said tipping her head noticing the markings for the first time. "Boots it is."**

"**Do you think that is a good name?"**

"**I think it is a very good name. She is your puppy, so whatever name you pick is the name she will have."**

"**I like Boots."**

**Olivia smiled and kissed her daughter. "Good night, McKenna Brianne. Good night, Boots." **

**She walked over and turned on the night light then turned off the overhead light. **

"**I love you, baby." **

"**I love you too, mommy." **

**In the week since Boots had come to live with them, McKenna had finally taken to sleeping in her own room, with her faithful companion at her side of course.**

**Olivia pulled yawned as she made her way down the hall to the living room. She leaned against the wall and looked at Elliot as he watched television.**

"**Hey," he said raising his eyes to look at her. "Everything alright?"**

"**Yeah, she's in bed with the dog. Boots."**

"**Boots?"**

"**Because she has boots on her front feet. And after the monkey on Dora."**

"**Ahh. The creativity of the five year old mind."**

**Olivia smiled.**

"**I am surprised she didn't name her Belle or Cinderella," Elliot remarked.**

"**Those were the names of her goldfish when she was three," Olivia replied.**

"**Well, we can't name a dog after a fish, now can we? Only a monkey." **

**Olivia laughed. "Elliot, earlier when I said…"**

"**It's alright."**

"**No. When I said that I didn't want to have sex with you. I meant tonight. Right now. I just don't think I am ready for things to move that far. That's all I meant. It came out all wrong and I really made a mess of things. I didn't mean to offend you."**

"**Don't worry, you didn't. And when I said I didn't want to have sex with you…well, I meant that."**

"**You did?" Olivia asked trying to hid the fact that she felt a bit hurt.**

"**Yes, I did. I don't want to have sex with you Olivia. Not now, not ever."**

**She stared at him trying not to cry and wondering why he would be so cruel. Elliot laid down the remote control and walked slowly toward her. **

"**With you, it was so much more than sex. It was the hottest and most incredible night of my life. That is what I want to have with you. All of the romance and the passion and love that we both want so badly and have waited so long to feel. That is what I want with you. When we are together, it's magic. I'm crazy about you, Olivia. I really am. But it's okay if you're nervous or you're not ready. I'll wait until you are." Elliot opened his hand and offered it to her as she placed her palm in his. **

"**Thank you," she whispered as he stood and brushed his nose against hers.**

"**Can I kiss you?" Elliot whispered.**

**Olivia stared deep into his soul and nodded with a smile as he leaned forward and kissed her tenderly.**

"**Good night Olivia," he whispered.**

"**Good night, El." **

**Elliot stared into her eyes as he traced the fullness of her lips with his thumb then placed another soft kiss against them. Olivia hugged him tight, then headed down the hall to bed. **


	14. 14 Rain And Romance

_Desperation_

_(Chapter Fourteen: Rain And Romance)_

_**THREE MONTHS LATER….**_

Elliot pushed Olivia back against the wall as he kissed her passionately. The rain had began to pour down on them about half way into their six block walk from the restaurant to their apartment and now they were both soaked.

They had been dating now for three months and waiting for the time to be right for both of them to move their relationship to the next step. Elliot took her out tonight for dinner and dancing, but when they had trouble flagging a taxi they decided just to walk home.

That seemed like a good idea for a few minutes, until a chilly wind began to blow and Olivia huddled next to him in her sexy little black dress. Elliot slipped his suit jacket over her shoulders and that was when it happened.

She turned to him and their eyes met and he knew he had to kiss her. If he didn't kiss her right then, he was sure his heart would stop beating. He leaned forward and kissed her passionately, right there in the middle of the sidewalk and it was like everything around them just disappeared and for a moment they were alone. He smoothed his fingertips over the soft curve of her jaw and kissed her again. For nearly ten minutes they just stood there kissing. One passionate kiss after another, alone in their city. But the sting of the cold rain against their skin brought them crashing back to reality.

Olivia shivered as the raindrops began to soak her hair. Elliot locked his fingers in hers and smiled at her. "Come on," he said as they ran the last three blocks to their building.

As they dashed inside the elevator and the doors closed in front of them Olivia stared at their reflection in the metal doors. "Look at us," she laughed. "We look like two drowned rats."

Elliot smiled at the wet hair streaming down around her face. He took a small strand and twisted it around his fingertip. "At least you're a sexy drowned rat," he said with a smile as he kissed her tenderly. Moments later they were tight in embrace and making out in the elevator. When the doors opened up Elliot pushed her playfully backwards out of the elevator and up against the wall beside their apartment door and kissed her again.

Now as he stood kissing the soft flesh of her neck and smelling her sweet perfume Olivia moaned softly. "We should go inside."

Elliot looked into her eyes. "McKenna is inside."

"Elliot, the neighbors." She turned her head to look down the hall as old Mrs. Tyson peeked at them through the chain lock on her door. The eighty two year old woman scoffed and closed the door quickly as she realized she had gotten caught watching them.

Olivia looked back at Elliot as they both laughed and he turned the key in their door. Inside Elliot paid the babysitter. Emily from down the hall had become their regular babysitter since Olivia had gone back to working computer crimes. Emily was fifteen and attended the same private school as McKenna. So on days Olivia could not be there to pick her daughter up, Emily's mother drove them back to the apartment building and Emily would sit with McKenna until Olivia or Elliot came home.

Emily was an amazing babysitter and it was very comforting to Elliot and Olivia that the girl's parents were only a few feet down the hall if there ever was an emergency. It was also nice that Elliot could just stand in the hallway and make sure the girl made it into her apartment safely instead of having to drive her home at night or put her in a cab and worry about her making it home safely.

Elliot watched until Emily had entered her own apartment, then closed the door behind him. He looked up to see Olivia walk out of McKenna's room pulling the door closed behind her.

"How is she?"

"Sleeping."

"Good," Elliot said with a wink as he pushed Olivia against the wall and continued where he had left off.

He pushed his suit jacket into the hall floor and pulled Olivia by the hand into her bedroom, closing the door behind them.

He stared into her eyes and smiled as he pulled the clip from her hair letting it fall around her face. Because it was drenched it appeared much darker than usual and was soft and wavy and sexy as hell. He smoothed his hands over her curves above the sleek black dress, then unzipped it slowly as Olivia went to work on the buttons of his shirt.

He allowed her wet dress to drop to the bedroom floor revealing her black lace Victoria's Secret matching bra and thong panties.

"Oh wow," Elliot stuttered as he stared at her.

Olivia giggled as she pulled his belt our of his pants and dropped it to the floor. He laid her against the bed between the half a dozen decorative pillows and kissed his way up her body.

Olivia kissed him hungrily when he finally reached her mouth. She raised up a little off the bed as Elliot unclasped her bra and kissed her again. He stood to push off his pants and reached for her hand pulling her to her feet as well.

Elliot pushed the pillows off into the floor and pulled back the blankets. He backed up to sit on the edge of the bed and patted the space beside him asking her to join him.

Olivia smiled seductively holding her hands over her breasts and walked slowly to him swaying her hips along the way. She stopped in front of him smiling down as Elliot glided his hands around her hips and pulled her to him. Olivia smiled and tried not to laugh as he kissed her navel and belly.

"Ticklish are we?"

"A little."

Elliot looked at her and patted the bed again. "Why don't you come a little bit closer?"

Olivia smiled and sat next to him. Elliot tipped her back against the bed and slipped her panties off. He kicked off his boxers and laid down beside her pulling the blankets up around them.

He rolled over to face her and cupped his hand against the side of her face kissing her passionately. He moved over her in the bed as he touched and kissed her in places he had only dreamed about until now.

He made love to her slowly and sweetly. It was romantic and exotic and incredible. The sounds of the rain and the storm outside muffled the soft passionate cries of ecstasy that radiated from her bedroom. Sounds the older children would have probably recognized immediately, but McKenna was much to young to understand. Olivia's moans and Elliot's groans, they were much better together that either of them had remembered from that fateful night six years ago. And when they finished, the finished together. Elliot kissed her and held her and whispered little things to her like how beautiful she was and how good she felt.

Afterward Olivia laid in the bed on her stomach looking over at him. She smiled as her stare met his and she felt her heart skip a beat.

"Are you okay?" Elliot asked afraid she was having second thoughts.

"Wonderful," she said softly.

Elliot smiled and brushed some hair back from her eyes. "We're still pretty good at that," he said with a sly grin.

"Yeah," Olivia agreed contently. She exhaled and blinked her eyes softly.

"Was he rough with you?" He blurted out noting the look of shock in her eyes.

"What?"

"James. Was he rough with you? In bed."

"That is an odd question," she remarked tipping her head and trying to divert him from the answer he was seeking. "Why would you ask that?"

"You just seem so submissive and over eager to please. Not that it wasn't good. It was amazing. But you were almost timid. I want you to be able to relax with me, Liv. If you want something, all you have to do is ask. And if you don't, don't be afraid to let me know. This isn't only about me."

"Maybe I just want to please you."

"And you do, sweetheart. But I want you to get what you need as well. He was controlling, wasn't he? He told you what to do and how to do it?"

"He knew what he wanted, yes."

"What about what you wanted?"

"I was his wife, Elliot. Wives do _things_ for their husbands."

"Exactly what kinds of _things_ did he make you do?"

"You know what, it doesn't even matter anymore." She pulled the blanket up around her and stared at the bed.

"Honey, it does. It matters. He was controlling you. Making you be what he wanted. That is a form of abuse."

She shifted her eyes to stared into his.

"And if you didn't do what he wanted?" Elliot asked afraid of her answer.

"That only happened once."

"He hit you? Olivia, damn it! I thought you said he never hit you?"

"He didn't after that night."

"Baby, it never should have happened in the first place."

"You don't know the entire story. It was kind of my fault really. Any man would have been upset."

"So tell me the entire story."

"El…"

"Liv."

She watched as he folded his arms in front of him and waited for an explanation.

"The night I married him, I felt so scared. I knew I was in love with you. I locked myself in the bathroom and I cried. I was afraid I had just made the biggest mistake of my life. And as it turns out, I was right. James came in and I couldn't stop crying. I knew I was in over my head. He was half drunk from the reception and offended that after all of the money he spent giving me the wedding of my dreams, I locked myself in the bathroom to cry."

"Money doesn't buy happiness, Olivia."

"Trust me, I know. He came in and tried to be all romantic. He was kissing on my neck and groping me, but I wasn't ready. I just needed to cal down and relax first. But James wanted what James wanted and he wasn't used to being turned down. Especially by the woman he just bought a ten thousand dollar diamond for."

Elliot stared at her dreading what she was about to say.

"Olivia, what did he do?"

"Staking his claim, that's what he called it. He took what was rightfully his."

"He raped you."

"It wasn't rape."

"Did you say no?"

She stared at Elliot for a moment.

"I just thought our first time as husband and wife would be romantic and sweet, you know?"

"It should be."

"He was grabby and fast and rough."

"And you said no?"

"Yes. A few times I asked him to stop. He was too rough and he was hurting me. For a moment, the look in his eyes….I was horrified of him."

"But he didn't stop?"

She shook her head. "He held my arms above my head so I couldn't fight him. And when I did, he hit me hard in the face. Finally I just closed my eyes and waited for him to finish."

"Liv, that is rape."

"He wasn't always like that. And after knowing what I know now and thinking back on that wild look in his eyes, he was probably high on something."

"It doesn't fucking matter!"

Olivia flinched when Elliot raised his voice.

"Olivia, I would never hurt you. And the things that bastard did to you, make me sick. If he wasn't already dead I would kill him myself."

"When I woke up the next morning, I was sore and had a busted lip and a mark on my cheek. I had his hand print on the inside of my thigh from him holding me down."

"Why didn't you leave?"

"I kept telling myself that he wasn't really like this. And he wasn't. I knew it had to get better. And it did eventually. That was the only time he ever….after that I knew better than to fight him. After that he was just controlling. He wanted to know where I was and who I was with. It drove me insane."

"Why didn't you leave?"

She closed her eyes for a moment then looked into his.

"I was pregnant. I thought the baby was his. The baby changed everything. He was so sweet and excited and would send me flowers for no reason. And we were good, we were happy. He was finally becoming the man I thought I had married. And McKenna was his world. It was as if Dr. Jekyll had returned. As she got older he worked more and was gone later and later. And toward the end, I know he was having affairs."

"How did you know?"

"I would go into the office to visit him at work and none of the women could look me in the eye. Women I had once considered my friends, now would barely speak to me. Then a few weeks before everything went down, I was late. I thought I was finally pregnant, so I went into the office for a standard pregnancy test. Lacy, one of the nurses administered the test. I knew what was going on. I could just tell. She didn't look me in the eye once the entire time I was there. And when the results came beck negative, I had never seen anyone look more relieved than she did. It must have been strange for her, administering a pregnancy test on the wife of your lover."

"She knew he was married when she had sex with him. I wouldn't feel bad for her."

"I didn't say I felt bad. If I had known then what I know now….I would have been back in New York years ago. And I never would have kept McKenna from her real father."

"I know that."

"You are a much better father, Elliot, than James could have ever dreamed of being."

"I love you, Olivia. You know that right?"

She smiled slowly. "I love you, too."

"And I would never do anything I thought was going to hurt you or McKenna. But if I ever do or I ever scare you, I want you to tell me. I want us to be good together. I want you to be happy. I want to make all of your dreams come true. But I cant do that baby, not if you don't share them with me. And I want to know what you like in bed. Because I want every single time we make love to be the best it can be for both of us. James was a real douche," Elliot snapped.

Olivia smiled.

"I have a lot to teach you about how wonderful real love can be. He hurt you and he lied and he cheated. But I promise you, Olivia I will never do those things to you. I would rather die, than hurt you. And I intend to spend the rest of my life making it up to you and loving you the way you deserve to be loved. Love should never make you hurt and you should only cry happy tears. That asshole had no idea what he was doing. He hurt you and he broke you, until you did only what he wanted. The selfish bastard never deserved you. You are not a hard person to love, Olivia. All he had to do was open his heart up to you. The rest just sort of happens naturally."

Olivia smiled again.

"I don't want to talk about James anymore. Especially not in bed."

Elliot smiled back and kissed her tenderly.

"What _would_ you like to do?"

Olivia grinned and laughed a little as he pulled her closer to him.

"Tell me what you like," he whispered against her mouth. "I want to make love to you the best that I can. I want to give you everything you want and need."

"You already do," she replied with a smile as the thunder boomed outside and the rain poured harder against the bedroom window.

Elliot pulled her to him and positioned her over the top of him.

"What are you doing?" She mumbled between kisses.

"Now you are in control." He smiled up at her and his eyes sparkled in the blue moonlight.

Olivia tipped her head back as Elliot guided her hips down onto him. Before long he was sitting up with her on his lap and they were kissing and touching and he let her soft moans be his guide in the dark.

"Tell me what you want, baby."

She moaned softly against his mouth. "I already have everything I want," she replied with a smile as she stared into his eyes. Elliot held her closer as he moved harder inside of her and the sounds of sex and rain filled the room.

When they had finished he held her tight and whispered softly against her ear promising to love and protect her forever. And for the first time in her life Olivia knew how it felt to really be with the man who had held her heart all of those years. The only one man she had ever truly loved.

"Tell me what you're thinking," Elliot whispered strumming his fingers slowly over her bare back as they laid tangled together in the sheets.

"I love making love to the sound of the rain," she said softly.

"Really?" He asked as she raised her head to look into her eyes.

"Yeah. There is just something sexy about a late night thunderstorm. I can't really explain it."

"I know exactly what you mean. All of the energy in the air and the intensity. It is just sexy."

"Yeah," Olivia said with a smile.

Olivia closed her eyes and settled in against Elliot's chest.

"It is after four," Elliot said looking over at the clock on the nightstand. "You know our daughter will be up in about four hours. She'll find us in here together."

Olivia groaned a little and opened her eyes. She kissed Elliot and raised up to mess with the clock. "So I will set the alarm. There," she said settling back in against him. "That will give you just enough time to take the dog out and slip back into your bed before our little princess is awake."

"And when she gets up?"

"I will fix her some dry cereal and a cup of milk and let her climb in bed with me and watch cartoons. That will keep her busy for at least a couple of hours."

Elliot smiled. "You have this mommy thing down."

"I know my kid. And I got lucky with her. She is a very simple child to please. She never really cried much as a baby either. Only if she was hungry or needed changed."

"Wow. It seemed like all of the other kids cried all of the time."

Olivia smiled. "Lets get some sleep before she is awake."

"Yes, baby." Elliot kissed her tenderly and she settled against him for a couple hours of rest.


	15. 15 Ascertained

_Desperation_

_(Chapter Fifteen: Ascertained)_

"Daddy?"

Olivia opened her eyes to stare at the ceiling of her bedroom as she heard her daughter's five year old voice echo through the stillness of her bedroom.

"Kenna?" Olivia asked wiping her eyes and sitting up in the bed.

"Morning mommy," McKenna said moving to Olivia's side of the bed to stare her in the eye.

Olivia looked at her little girl as the shock of being caught in bed with Elliot swept over her face. McKenna stood in her pink Disney Princess night gown with Maggie dangling from one hand.

"Good morning sweetheart," was all she could think to say.

"Is it Saturday?" McKenna asked innocently, blinking her big brown eyes at her mother.

Olivia groaned a little as she looked at the alarm clock flashing 12:00.

"No, baby. Today is Wednesday."

"Do I have school?"

"Yes. And we are running really late. Can you do mommy a favor and go change your clothes, while I get dressed?"

"Okay, mommy."

"That's my big girl," Olivia said kissing McKenna's forehead as the miniature brunette scampered out of the room.

Olivia leaped from the bed and rushed around the room gathering clothes as quickly as she could, almost tripping over one leg of her blue jeans as she pulled them on.

"Elliot, get up!" She shouted as she threw his clothes at him.

He sat up in the bed and stared at her for a minute.

"I've never seen you panic this much over being late to work before. We'll just call Cragen and tell him we're running late."

"Are you kidding me?" She almost shrieked as she placed her hands on her hips to stare at him for a moment. "I'm not freaking out about being late for work. I am panicking just a little, over the fact that our five year old just found you naked in my bed!"

"She didn't know I was naked."

"That doesn't make it okay, Elliot. How am I going to explain this to her?"

"I don't know. But I'm glad you thought to send her into the other room or I would have been stuck here. My boxers were all the way over in the corner of the room."

"I expected to have to give the sex talk eventually. And her being a girl, I am even willing to take the lead. I just never thought she would be five years old when we had that talk. It's a good think that I slipped on a tee shirt when I got up to go to the bathroom last night or we both would have been naked when McKenna came in here."

Elliot laughed.

"Stop that. It isn't funny."

"Not funny, ha, ha."

"Not funny at all! This could warp her for life!"

"You worry too much! She is five. How much could she know? All she knows is that mommy and daddy slept in the same bed. There is no need to scare the hell out of our five year old with a sex talk."

Elliot kissed the back of her neck as he zipped up the pants he wore the night before and began to butting his shirt back up.

"I don't know why you are yelling at me anyway, seeing how this is all your fault."

"All my fault? _You_ were supposed to set the alarm and get up. _You_ were supposed to be back in _your_ bed long before she even woke up."

"I did set the alarm."

She looked over at the clock again.

"The storm must have knocked the power out."

"Yeah. And as I remember the events of last night, it was _you _dear who practically jumped me in the hallway and dragged me in here, tossing me on the bed. It was _you_ who pulled my clothes off scattering them across the entire bedroom. And it was _you_ who used the tie McKenna got me for Father's Day to tie me to the bed and have your way with me. _Multiple_ times."

Olivia grinned as she pulled on a clean shirt. "Yes, but I didn't hear _you_ complaining."

"No," he said pulling her into his arms and biting playfully at the side of her neck as she squealed. "And you wont. Last night was incredible. All _four_ times." He replied kissing her tenderly.

"I told you thunderstorms have a certain effect on me. They make me…."

"Frisky?"

"Horny," she whispered with a devious grin. "For lack of a better word."

"Hey, I like that word."

Olivia laughed. "Go get dressed, before we both get fired. I have to go feed our child and try and figure out how to explain this to her."

"I'm gonna grab a quick shower. I'll be ready in thirty minutes."

* * *

Olivia stood sipping coffee from her cup and watching as McKenna ate her cereal across the bar. She was trying to figure out the best way to approach the conversation about the events that had occurred moments earlier.

"Kenna?"

"Yes mom," she answered with a mouthful of Golden Grams.

Olivia took a deep breath and exhaled slowly searching for courage.

"Mommy wants to talk to you about something."

McKenna dropped her spoon and gave her mother her undivided attention.

"What mom?" She asked sounding more like fifteen than five.

"I think maybe we should have a big girl talk about why daddy was sleeping in mommy's bed this morning," Olivia said taking another shot of coffee for courage.

"I know why he was in your bed mom."

Olivia gulped the hot liquid almost choking on it. She coughed for a moment and cleared her throat.

"You do?" She asked staring at McKenna as she proceeded to pick up her spoon and take another bite of cereal.

"Yup."

Olivia scratched her head for a moment terrified of where this was going.

McKenna slurped milk from her cereal bowl then sat it back on the counter to look up at her mother.

"Daddy got scared of the storm. He sleeped with you, so he wouldn't be scared no more. Like I used to do when I was little. Right, mom?"

"Right! Right. Daddy was scared of the storm."

Olivia sighed with relief and felt her heart pounding a thousand times a minute.

"You're scared of storms too, huh mom?"

"Why do you say that?" Olivia asked starting to get nervous again.

"Cause sometimes I hear you cry when daddy is in your room."

Olivia's jaw dropped as she stared at her child. Just when she thought they had gotten away with it, she finds out her child has heard her having sex.

"Good morning ladies," Elliot said kissing the top of his little girl's head.

He examined the look on Olivia's face then looked back at McKenna.

"Kenna, what's going on?"

"Nothin'," she said jumping down from the bar and carrying her bowl to the sink.

"Liv?"

"Kenna would like to know why mommy cries on the nights daddy gets scared of the storm and sleeps in her room."

Olivia gulped and stared at Elliot. She watched as a smile slowly spread across his face and he tried hard not to laugh.

"McKenna," Elliot said raising his daughter to sit on the countertop and tying her shoe. "Mommy sometimes gets scared of storms, too. They give her bad dreams and she wakes up crying. But daddy, tells her there is nothing to be scared of and then mommy and daddy go back to sleep. Do you understand?"

"Yes," she said as Elliot helped her down and patted the top of her head. "Now run get your backpack, we're running late."

"Okay daddy," she said with a smile.

They watched as she disappeared down the hallway.

"I guess we had probably better tell people we have been dating for the last few months before our five year old outs us," Olivia said looking at him. "And locking the bedroom door during storms."

Elliot smiled. "And sleeping with the TV on."

Olivia laughed.

"Mommy," McKenna said softly as she entered the room once more slipping her backpack over her shoulders.

"Yeah, baby."

"You don't have to have bad dreams. When it storms, I'm not scared. You can sleep in my bed if you want to."

"Thank you sweetheart," Olivia said kneeling to help McKenna with her backpack.

She smiled and watched their completely adorable child as she raced her father to the door, what an interesting way to start the day.


	16. 16 The Perfect Gift

_Desperation_

_(Chapter Sixteen: The Perfect Gift)_

"McKenna," Olivia called from the kitchen as she sat a plate of waffles on the bar for her daughter.

"So, what are your plans for today?" Elliot asked as she handed him a cup of coffee.

"I have to work. A lot of work."

"Do you think you could possibly break away from your busy schedule to have lunch with me?" Elliot asked slipping his arms around her and kissing her tenderly.

"Possibly," she said with a playful grin as he kissed her passionately.

Moments later they heard a little giggle behind them.

Olivia broke the kiss and looked over at her daughter as she climbed onto the barstool to eat her breakfast.

"What are you laughing at?" Elliot asked with a grin.

"You was kissing mommy," McKenna giggled again.

"You don't like me to kiss mommy?"

"No," she laughed. "You was kissing mommy with your mouth open like they do on TV," she said pointing at them as she giggled again and popped a bite of blueberry waffle into her mouth.

"What have you been watching?" Elliot asked kissing the tip of her nose.

"Shoap operas with Maureen," she mumbled with her mouth full.

"I'm gonna put a stop to that," Elliot said pointing at her as she giggled again. "Stick to Dora, kid. Infact, Maureen can watch Dora, too."

McKenna smiled. "I like when Maureen watches Dora with me," she said cutting off another bite with her fork.

"Finish your breakfast," Olivia said pouring her coffee into a travel mug, "or you will be late for school. One day a week is our limit. Mommy is going to brush her teeth, then you brush yours and we are out the door."

"I have to go, I have court today. You be a good girl." Elliot swiped a syrup kiss from his little girl. "Daddy loves you."

"Love ya, dad."

"And I will pick you up for lunch around…one?"

"One sounds good," Olivia said as Elliot leaned in to kiss her again. This time feeling the pair of little brown eyes staring them down in anticipation and settling for a quick peck on the lips.

McKenna giggled again.

"Eat," Olivia said pointing at her as she herself laughed.

* * *

That afternoon Elliot and Olivia sat in one of her favorite restaurants and ordered lunch. They made small talk about their day as they waited for their food to arrive.

"I have to have the report on this case typed up and turned in by the twenty fifth."

"Well, that still gives you a little while."

"A few days."

"What is today?"

"The nineteenth."

"Shit! McKenna's party is in four days."

Elliot laughed for a moment. "You forgot your own birthday?"

"I didn't forget. I just didn't realize it was so close already. I still have so much to do before her party on Saturday."

"I thought you had everything figured out. You made a list."

"I know. Then I got busy with work and it totally slipped my mind."

"What do you still have to do?"

"I guess I am going to try to slip away from work a little early today and order the cake and balloons for her party. She took her invitations to school last week."

"How many kids are we talking about here?"

"Well, I have already had seven mothers RSVP so far. Then the rest of the Stabler clan. We made up twenty two invitations."

"Twenty…does she even know twenty two people?"

Olivia laughed. "Those were just the kids in her class. There wouldn't have been so many, but I made her invite the boys also. She is still a little upset with me over that one. She said boys are yucky."

"I think I'm on her side on this one. At her age, boys are yucky."

Olivia laughed again. "Maybe so, but she needs to learn how to interact with them before they all become teenagers with raging hormones."

"So you invited a group of five and six year old boys to a Dora themed party?

"Umm," she mumbled shaking her head as she sipped her iced tea. "It's Disney Princesses."

"It's still pink."

"She's a girl. Girl's like pink. It's her party, I let her choose. Besides the party is at her favorite place in the world."

"The infamous Chuck-E-Cheese?"

"Where else? So fun will be had by all. Boys and girls. I'm ordering a princess cake. And pink and purple balloons. I still have to figure out what to get her. I only have four days left to shop."

"You haven't gotten her a gift yet?"

"I got her some small things. Some of those Zuzu pets things she wanted and a bunch of stuff for that."

"What the hell is a Zuzu pet?"

Olivia smiled. "It is obvious you do not speak five year old girl. It is a little pet hamster."

"You got her a hamster?"

"It isn't a real one. They are little toy ones. They are really cute. Then there is a car and tunnel things. I got her some clothes."

"Six year olds don't want clothes, Liv. Boys or girls."

"Well, she need them. So she got them. And a necklace with her birthstone in it and matching earrings."

"Her ears are not pierced."

"And I am taking her Saturday morning to get her ears pierced and her nails done."

"You are kidding me. She is six years old."

"Daddy, it is her birthday and she wants to get her nails done."

"So paint her nails. But is there any reason you have to punch holes in my child?"

Olivia laughed. "All of your other daughters have their ears pierced. And so do most of the girls in her class. She really wants this, she has been begging me for months. And she will be six years old, I think that is old enough that if she wants them done she can get them done."

"What are you going to do when they pierce one and you cant get her back in the chair to do the other one? Hold her down?"

"Bribe her," Olivia said with a smile. "I think she will be fine. She isn't even phased by shots."

"A shot is not a hole in the side of her head."

"El, you are over reacting. You have to let her grow up a little, daddy. She isn't a baby anymore. She is a big girl now."

"She is daddy's Princess. And she is my baby girl. I'm not ready to let her grow up yet."

"Elliot, I am not asking you to let her date. She just wants to wear earrings that are not stickers."

"Why do I get the feeling my vote in this doesn't really count?"

"It counts. You are her father. Your opinion always counts. I was just hoping that you wouldn't mind and you would understand."

"I do understand. And it is her birthday and if you think she is ready, then I trust you. It is just hard to accept that our baby is going to be a six year old big girl in a few days."

Olivia smiled and kissed him. "We don't have a choice, but to accept it."

"So, if you already got her all of that stuff why are you still shopping for a gift?"

"That is little stuff. I still need to get her a big gift."

"I thought the dog was the big gift?"

"Well, she was. But I need another one. I am big on birthday parties."

"I have noticed."

"What did you get her?" Olivia asked.

"A bike."

"A bike? We live in an apartment, Elliot. Where is she going to ride a bike?"

"We can take her to the park and she can ride it at Kathy's with Eli and the kids she plays with there."

"Where is it?"

"Kathy is letting me keep it in the garage until the party. That way I could go ahead and set it up. It is already wrapped and everything, they are going to bring it in with them when they come to the party. It is what she asked for, Liv."

Olivia smiled. "You spoil her."

"Like I said, she is my princess and daddy's girl. It is my job to spoil her."

"So what does it look like?"

"Pink, what else? Disney Princess with a little basket and streamers on the handlebars. It has training wheels. The boys went together and bought her the princess helmet and knee and elbow pads."

"That was sweet. She is going to love it."

"I know. I saw it and I couldn't pass it up."

"What did the girls get her?"

"Kathleen got her a karaoke machine, Elizabeth got her some make up and nail polish and karaoke CD's and Maureen got her an mp3 player."

"Wow."

"Dickie and Eli got her the helmet and stuff for the bike and some Barbie Dolls. Kathy got her a Disney Princess bedding set for her bed."

"Sounds like she is making a killing here."

"No doubt. Hundreds of dollars of pink crap."

Olivia laughed. "Pink is her favorite color."

"So any ideas on this big gift?"

"Well, I was kind of thinking of letting her take ballet classes."

"Ballet. As in little pink tutus, ballet?"

"Yup."

"Does she even like ballet?"

"Some of her friends from school are enrolled in the class. It starts in a few weeks. She used to take dance classes when she was little, but not since. I was talking to some of the mothers last week when I picked her up from school. The class if two nights a week for six weeks and then they have a recital. I took down the number and was going to mention it to you and then see if it was something she was interested in. Then a few days ago when I picked her up from school she was going on and on about one of her friends who takes ballet class. She didn't really come out and ask, but I know it is something she would love to do. It wouldn't interfere with our schedule much. Tuesdays and Thursdays I would pick her up and bring her home for supper and homework and then at six I would drop her off at the studio down the block from her school. I picked her up at seven thirty and have her home in time for a bath and a story before bed. What do you think?"

"I think it is a great idea. I think she would love it."

Olivia smiled. "I'll call the woman today and get her a check after work." Olivia pulled a shopping list from her purse and began to review it. "Can you think of anything we need for the house? I need to do a little shopping after work before I pick McKenna up."

"What do you have on the list?"

"The usual. Body wash, toilet paper, laundry soap, tampo…" Olivia sat with her mouth opened for a moment then bit he lower lip. "What day is today?"

"Tuesday, the nineteenth."

"Hmm," she said pressing her lips together as she pulled her cell phone from her pocket and began to look back at the dates.

"Hmm, what?" Elliot asked studying the blank look on her face as she began to turn pale.

"Oh my God!"

"Liv, what?"

"Oooh my God. Shit! I cannot believe I forgot this until now!"

"Forgot what? Liv, I'm confused."

"My period."

"How do you forget about your period?"

"Because Elliot, I didn't get it. I'm late. I have been so busy with work and her party and everything, it completely slipped my mind. I didn't get my period."

"How late?"

"Two weeks," she said with a worried look.

"Have you been late before?"

"Once."

"See, I'm sure it's nothing. How long did it take you to get it that time?"

Olivia laughed nervously. "About nine months."

"Oh shit," Elliot said. "Are you… I mean do you think that…."

"I don't know. But I know that I am late."

"Did you have one last month?"

"I can't remember. Wait, yeah. Yeah, I did."

"Do you really think you're pregnant?" He whispered across the table.

"I don't know. We have been having sex. We have been having a lot of sex."

"I just assumed you were on something. We never talked about condoms or anything."

"I guess I just didn't think about it. I hadn't had sex in quite a while and when I did I was married."

"You didn't use anything when you were married?"

"Elliot, I thought I was trying to get pregnant, remember."

"You wanted another baby?"

"Yes."

"Do you still want another baby?"

She stared at him for a moment and blinked her dark eyes. "I…I don't know. Things were different then."

"What things, Liv?"

"I was married. And we had a house and another child just seemed like the logical next step. It is different now."

"How? We're not married, I know. But we are together and we care about each other. I love you, Olivia. We have a beautiful daughter together. And I would love to have another baby with you. Yeah, we don't own a house together, but we could get a house if you want. So I am asking you again, in your heart, do you want another baby?"

She was quiet for a moment as she stared into his eyes. "Yes," she said softly. "I do."

Elliot smiled and placed his hand over hers. "Then this is really good news," he said as he kissed her tenderly.

"Are you sure this is what you want?"

"Of course I am. I think instead of tampons, maybe you should buy a test today while you are out. I will pick McKenna up from school and meet you back at the apartment. And I think that if this test does come out negative, we should try to have another baby."

Olivia smiled. "Really? Because, Elliot, I don't want you to do this because it is what I want. This has to be what you want, too."

"I want more kids with you. And someday, when you are ready to start talking about getting married again I want to put a ring on your finger. I love you, Olivia. I always have."

"I love you, too. And I would love to have another baby with you."

"Maybe this is an early birthday present."

Elliot watched as she smiled again. "I don't want to get excited."

"Why not?"

"Because, then if that test comes out negative, I will just be disappointed."

* * *

That evening Olivia walked in with three grocery bags in her arms. Elliot took two of them from her and sat them on the kitchen counter.

"Did you get it?" He asked smiling at her.

"Yes, I got it."

"Why don't you go ahead and do it?"

"I thought we could put this stuff away first."

"Or you could go ahead and do it and by the time we get this stuff put away we could know for sure."

"Right," Olivia said with a sigh as she dug through one of the bags and pulled out the white pharmacy bag.

"Hey," Elliot said as she turned to look at him. "I love you. No matter what I love you. And if it doesn't happen this time, that is okay. Because we know what we want now and we will just keep trying."

"Yeah," Olivia said softly staring into his eyes as he kissed her tenderly.

"I love you," he whispered.

"I love you, too."

He watched as she headed for the bathroom in his room and he heard her close the door. A few minutes later she returned and helped him put away the items she had purchased from the store.

"Mom, guess what?" McKenna almost squealed as she rushed into the kitchen and climbed up onto a barstool.

"What?" Olivia asked smiling at the most beautiful child she had ever seen.

"Megan _and _Rachael are coming to my birthday! They told me today at school. And Megan got me a Barbie."

"She did? I thought it was supposed to be a surprise?"

"It is," she giggled. "But she told me it was a secret what one she got me."

"Oh yeah?"

"Yeah," McKenna giggled again. "I tried hard, but she wouldn't tell me."

"That is because you are not supposed to know until your birthday," Elliot said scooping her up and tickling her as she giggled louder. "Do you have homework?"

"Yes. I have to read from my book."

"Do you need help?"

"No," she smiled. "But I have to read to you and mom and you have to sign the note my teacher gave me."

"Go get the book and the note. Sit down at the table and read to me while I make us some dinner," he said kissing her gently.

"Okay daddy," McKenna said as she scampered off into the other room.

She returned a few minutes later and climbed up in a chair as she sounded out the words in her stage one reading book. The story was one of a dog and her puppy.

"It's time," Olivia said as she looked up at him.

"Kenna, keep reading. Read loud to me, I am listening. I have to go back to my room and help mommy for a minute. But you just keep reading."

"I will daddy."

"Good girl," he said kissing the top of her head.

He followed Olivia down the hall and closed and locked the bedroom door behind them so their daughter didn't venture in and catch them trying to read the results of a pregnancy test.

"This is it," Olivia said with a deep breath as she opened the cabinet under the sink.

"You put it under there?"

"I was paranoid Kenna would find it and we would have to explain that." She pulled out the little white stick with her fingertip over the window. "Any last wishes before we read the results?" She joked.

Elliot raised his hands and crossed his fingers as he smiled at her and kissed her again. "For good luck."

Olivia smiled as she held up the test stick between them and moved her finger to reveal a little pink plus sign.

She smiled as she began to laugh and to cry at the same time. "It's positive," she whispered."

Elliot smiled and kissed her as he wrapped his arms tight around her. "We're having a baby."

"Yes, we are."

"I love you so much," he said brushing the hair back form her eyes as a tear rolled down his cheek.

"I love you, too." Olivia kissed him again as he picked her up and twirled her around the little bathroom in excitement.

"What do you say we go tell our big girl that she is about to be a big sister?" Elliot asked pulling her by the hand toward the bedroom door.

"Wait. I think we should wait. Just a few days. Let me see my doctor first. I just want to make sure, before we tell Kenna."

"Okay," Elliot said as he spun her around again. "I am going to be a daddy again."

"Yeah. And I am going to be a mommy." She laughed and smiled.

Elliot kissed her again and they returned to the dining room where Olivia sat beside McKenna and helped her read her book while Elliot cooked dinner.

Four days later after a long day of birthday excitement, Elliot and Olivia tucked their six year old big girl into bed.

"I think you look very pretty with earrings," Elliot said as he kissed his daughter.

"Thank you daddy."

"I'm proud of you. I didn't think you would do it because it hurt."

"Just a little daddy. Like a shot. Then it is all better."

"My brave girl," he said kissing the top of her head. "Did you have a good birthday?"

"Yes. And I telled everybody thank you for the presents."

"Very good manners."

"You know, Kenna, daddy and I have one more surprise for you."

"Another present?"

"Kind of," Olivia said smiling down at her daughter as she sat on the edge of the bed and pulled out the sonogram picture from her first appointment.

"What is it mom?"

"That McKenna, is the very first picture of your new baby brother or sister."

"I'm going to be a big sister?" She squealed in excitement.

"You sure are," Elliot answered. "Mommy has a baby in her belly."

McKenna stared confusingly at the fuzzy blob on the paper.

"Why does the baby look like that?"

Elliot laughed. "Well, sweetheart, this is a picture of how the baby looks while it is inside mommy's belly. It is very little right now and has to stay inside mommy until it is big enough to come out. The baby wont look like that when it is born."

"Oh," she said studying the picture. "But daddy, is that baby a boy one or a girl one?"

"We don't know yet," Olivia answered. "When it gets a little closer to time for the baby to come the doctor can look at the picture and tell us if it is a boy or a girl."

"Can you tell the doctor I want a baby sister?" She whispered to Olivia.

Olivia smiled and laughed as she cuddled up the her little girl and kissed the top of her head.

"Honey, it doesn't really work like that. The baby is already a boy or a girl inside my belly. But the doctor cant tell which one until the baby is bigger. You might have a baby brother in here. But do you know what I think, miss McKenna?"

"What mom?" She asked with a smile.

"I think that you are going to be a wonderful big sister whether you get a baby brother or a baby sister."

"Yeah?"

"Yeah. And you can help mommy and daddy take care of the baby. And hold it and feed it a bottle."

She smiled as she hugged her mother. "This is the best birthday ever, mom."

"It's a pretty good one for me, too kid." Olivia said kissing her little girl.

"Mommy?"

"Yes, sweetheart?"

"If this one if a little brother, can you get another baby later that is a girl?"

Olivia laughed and looked into the innocence of McKenna's six year old eyes.

"We'll see. But for now, it is bed time."

"Okay mommy."

"I love you baby girl. Happy birthday."

"I love you too mommy. Happy birthday," McKenna said with a smile. "Oh, I have a present," she said running over to her desk and bringing Olivia a small jewelry box.

"What is this?"

"Open it," McKenna giggled. "It is for your birthday!"

Olivia untied the ribbon and lifted the lid from the box to reveal a beautiful necklace and matching earrings in Garnett, her birthstone.

"It is like mine," McKenna said with a smile.

"Yes it is," Olivia said with a smile. "Thank you honey. It is beautiful. I love it."

"You're welcome, mom. Daddy helped me pick it out."

"Well, you both did a very good job."

McKenna smiled and hugged her mother tight as Olivia tucked her in. Elliot kissed his daughter good night and turned on the night light as they pulled the door shut behind them.

"You know, I have a gift for you, too."

"You do?"

"Yes. But I wanted to wait until we could have a moment alone together before I gave it to you."

"I think I already received my gift from you," she said with a smile as she placed her hands on the flat area of her abdomen that would soon be transformed into a baby bump.

"Alright," Elliot said tucking an envelope back into his back pocket. "I guess I will just return it since you don't want it."

"I do," she laughed as she pulled at his arm.

"Say please," Elliot said with a smile.

Olivia giggled as he pinned her against the wall in the hallway. "Please."

"Okay," he said handing her the envelope. Inside was a brochure for a romantic weekend getaway at a fancy local hotel and tickets to a Broadway musical she had been wanting to see.

"Oh, Elliot. Thank you."

"Kathy is going to keep Kenna and Boots for the weekend so we can get away. I thought it would be nice to have a romantic weekend to ourselves."

Olivia smiled and wrapped her arms around his neck as she kissed him tenderly. "I would totally drag you back to my room for thank you sex, if I wasn't so exhausted," she said with a smile.

Elliot laughed and kissed her forehead. "I'll take a rain check, then. Good night, sweetheart," he said kissing her again.

"Good night, El."

He turned and walked toward his bedroom as she opened her bedroom door and turned on the light to find a dozen roses and a gift box sitting on her bed. She smiled and laughed a little as she untied the ribbon and pulled out a sexy little black dress that was just her size.

Olivia held the dress up to look at it as she smiled at herself in the mirror on the back of the dresser.

"Do you like it?" Elliot asked from behind her.

"I love it," she said with a grin.

"You need something to wear to the theatre. I guess McKenna isn't the only one I like to spoil."

Olivia smiled and threw her arms around his neck as she kissed him once more. "You know, on second thought, I am really not that tired."

"How about a rain check?"

"You read my mind," she said as she smiled again.


	17. 17 Accepted

_Desperation_

_(Chapter Seventeen: Acceptance)_

McKenna held Olivia's hand as they walked into the doctor's office.

"Olivia Da…Benson, to see Dr. Stevens."

"You have an appointment?"

"Yes. In ten minutes."

"No problem, Ms. Benson. Just sign in and have a seat over there. The doctor will be with you soon."

"Thank you," Olivia said as she smiled down at McKenna.

"Mommy, are you going to get a shot today?"

"No, honey. But we will get to see the baby on the screen"

"Really?"

"Yeah. We just have to wait over here until it is mommy's turn. Daddy will be here in a minute. Then we will go back and see the doctor. And she will take a little thing and put it against mommy's belly and we will be able to see the baby while it is still in mommy's belly."

"That's cool."

"It is very cool," Elliot said from behind them.

"Daddy!" McKenna ran to him leaping into his arms.

"Hi darling, did you have a good day at school today?"

"Yes. You came to see the baby, too?"

"I sure did."

He looked over at Olivia as she smoothed her hand over her belly and smiled at him.

"I'm sorry I'm late," he said leaning in to kiss her.

"You're not late," she said with a warm smile. "You are right on time," she said as the nurse stepped out and called her name.

Elliot picked up his daughter in his arms and followed Olivia back to the little room. He sat McKenna on a chair so she could see the monitor and see what was going on.

"Let's get a look in here," the doctor said squirting some gunk on Olivia's belly and smearing it around. "And who is this little lady?"

"I'm gonna be a big sister."

"You are?"

McKenna nodded her head and a huge smile spread across her face.

"Would you like to help me out?"

"I can help?"

"Sure you can. But this is a very important job. Do you think you can handle it?"

"Yes," she giggled. "What do I do?"

"Well, I will need you to come over here by me," she said pulling up a wooden stool beside the table where Olivia laid.

McKenna scooted out of her seat and ran over climbing up onto the stool.

"Okay, now help me hold this wand and we are going to move it around in that gel on your mommy's belly."

"Why?" McKenna asked tipping her little head and looking exactly like her mother.

"Because this will help us to see the baby in your mommy's belly. But I need you to help me find it."

"Okay," she said with a big smile.

Elliot watched as his six year old helped the doctor to find the baby's heartbeat.

"Now watch right here, McKenna and you will see the baby," he said watching the screen as the image of the fetus appeared.

"There it is," the doctor said smiling down at McKenna.

"Like magic. This is so cool!"

Elliot laughed and kissed the top of her head.

"Heart rate is good. Lungs look great. This kid is kicking up a storm."

"It kicks all of the time," Olivia said smiling as she watched McKenna trace her finger over the shape of the baby on the screen.

"Would you like to know the baby's sex?" The doctor asked looking at them.

"Yes, if you can tell," Olivia replied.

"What is se…"

Elliot stopped McKenna before she could finish.

"She can tell us if the baby is a girl or a boy."

"Oh," McKenna said smiling and looking back at the doctor. "Can you make it be a sister? I want a sister."

"You do, huh?" Dr. Stevens laughed as she patted the child on the head.

"Yes. Just a sister. No more brothers."

Elliot laughed. "She has two older brothers and three older sisters."

"Well, miss McKenna, you are in luck. This baby in here is your baby sister."

"It's a girl baby?" She squealed in excitement.

"It is a girl baby," the doctor replied. "And in a few months she will be here, so you should help your mommy and daddy think of a really good name for her."

"I will. I got a sister in mommy's belly," she whispered to Elliot.

"I know," he whispered back kissing her gently.

"So everything looks good?" Olivia asked as the doctor printed out several pictures of the baby in different positions.

"Everything looks perfect. She appears to be a healthy little girl. There is one thing."

"What?" Olivia asked trying not to panic.

"Relax. What was the due date I gave you?"

"September twenty eighth. We figured I got pregnant around the fourth or fifth. I was barely pregnant when I missed my period."

"Well, I by looking at the developmental stage of the baby I would say you are further along than that."

"How much further?"

"Going by the date of your last period and what I am seeing on the screen here I would say you probably conceived around Christmas. I'm going to move your date to September eighteenth. That should be pretty accurate."

"Is that common? I mean moving the due date like that?"

"It isn't uncommon. In cases like yours where you learn of the pregnancy very early on, it is easy to misjudge a due date. It is only by a few weeks and I will check again as you get further along and make sure this is accurate. But by my calculations, you are about twenty six weeks now, we were off by about ten days."

"Wow."

"But your daughter looks very healthy and appears to be doing just fine."

"Here are some of the ultrasound pictures, that I printed. And McKenna, this one is just for you. This way you can look at your baby sister any time you want to."

"Thank you," she said with a shy smile as she took the picture from the doctor.

"And for being such a big help, if it is alright with your mommy, I have a special treat for you."

McKenna turned and looked back at Olivia.

"It's fine."

"Why don't I let you pick a sucker from my jar?"

McKenna grinned as her little eyes lit up and she gazed down into the jar.

"What do you say?" Olivia reminded her.

"Thank you," she said with a smile picking up a red sucker.

"I have something else you might like," the woman took a Dora sticker from a roll and placed it on her fingertip. "Do you like Dora?"

"Yes, ma'am."

"So does my little girl. She is five."

"I'm six. I just had a birthday a few months ago. And my baby sister was my present."

"That is one special present. But do you know what I think?"

"What?"

"I think that you are going to make a very good big sister."

"Thank you."

"You are welcome. You go home and help mommy and daddy get things ready for the new baby."

"I will."

The doctor smiled and waved as McKenna stuck her sticker on her shirt and held tight to Olivia's hand as they walked out the door.

In the car on the way home, McKenna could barely contain her excitement. She squirmed around in her seat and stared out the window.

"Mommy?"

"Yes dear?"

"Can I take my baby sister picture to school for show and tell?"

"Sure you can. But why don't you let mommy put it in a frame for you first?"

"Okay, mommy. Can I keep it in my room?"

"It is yours. You can keep it anywhere you like."

"I want to keep it by my bed. Next to the princess lamp."

"That sounds like a good place."

"Yeah," she said staring out the window.

"Hey Kenna?"

"Yeah, daddy?"

"Since daddy is busy driving and mommy is very tired from going to the doctor, how would you like to call Maureen for me and tell her the baby is a girl?"

"Yeah!" She grinned as he handed her his phone.

"Mommy can help you find the number."

Olivia dialed the number and handed the phone to McKenna.

"Just push the green button."

"Mom, she said leave a message."

"She is probably in class. Let's try Kathleen. There, push the green button."

"It's ringing," she said holding her finger to her lips to quiet them.

"Kathleen, this Kenna. I have something 'portant to tell you. The doctor telled me I have a baby sister. Not a brother!"

Olivia giggled and looked over at Elliot as they listened to the conversation.

"I told her I just wanted a sister and she said I got one. And she let me hold the thing and find the baby. And I got a picture to take to school."

"Let me talk to her before you hang up," Olivia said with a smile.

"Here's mom," she said laying the phone in Olivia's palm.

"Did you get all of that, honey?" Olivia asked placing the phone to her ear. "The baby is a girl. And she is due September eighteenth. Oh, McKenna got to hold the want to the ultrasound against my belly and find the baby. And the doctor printed her out her very own picture and she is taking it to school for show and tell," Olivia translated.

"Well, it sounds like you guys had a lot of fun today," Kathleen replied with a smile. "Congratulations. Do you have any names picked out yet?"

"No, not yet. But we still have a little while to decide on one."

"So everything is going well?"

"Yes, the doctor said the baby is doing very good. And everything is right on schedule. Actually she moved up my due date by ten days."

"This is so amazing. I can't wait. It is still kind of hard to believe that you and dad are together…well, not hard to believe. But still kind of new, you know?"

"New? I guess this is all happening kind of fast for you guys."

"New and fast. But good fast. Olivia, I have not seen dad this happy in a very long time. He really loves you."

"I really love him, so I guess we are doing just fine."

"I guess so. Listen, I have to get to work. But you should call everyone and tell them. They are all going to be so excited. I know I am!"

"I'm glad sweetheart."

"Tell daddy I love him."

"She said she loves you," Olivia said turning her head to look at Elliot.

"I love her, too. And tell her we are taking them all out to lunch Sunday after church to celebrate."

"Did you hear that, Kathleen?"

"Yeah. Sunday, got it."

"Goodbye, sweetheart."

"Hey Olivia?"

"Yeah?"

"I love you, too."

"And I love you, honey."

"Cool. I'll talk to you later. Tell McKenna I cant wait for her to show me that picture of the baby."

"I will."

Olivia closed the phone with a smile on her face.

"What was that all about?" Elliot asked looking over at the smile on her face.

"Kathleen, said she loves me."

"Of course she does. We all do. You are a very lovable person," he said with a grin.

"Yeah, but Kathleen has accepted me as a part of not only your life, but hers as well. This is a big step for her."

"She's coming around. She is finally noticing how happy dad is and that he is in love and about to have another baby girl. I have never been happier in my life."

"Neither have I. I am just glad to hear that our happiness is shared by the kids."

"It is pretty nice not to be sneaking around anymore. To be open and honest. Olivia, I love you so much."

"I love you, too."

"And we are going to have a beautiful family together. You and me and all seven kids."

"Seven," she repeated with a grin.

"That is a lot of kids."

"But a lot of great kids," she said placing his hand against her belly to feel their daughter kick. "I wouldn't have it any other way."


	18. 18 October Rose

_Desperation_

_(Chapter Eighteen: October Rose)_

McKenna giggled as she ran across the bedroom floor dragging a teddy bear with Boots hot on her heels. She jumped up onto the edge of the big bed and crawled over next to her mother.

"Hi baby," she squealed smoothing her hands over Olivia's belly as she peppered it with kisses.

Olivia laughed.

"That tickles," she said tucking a strand of dark hair behind McKenna's ear.

"Only six more days until I get my new sister," she replied with a big smile.

"Yep," Olivia sighed as she pushed her fingers against a few places on her belly until the little girl kicked inside. "Give me your hand," she said softly placing McKenna's palm against the place to feel the baby kick.

"That is so cool mom!"

"It is pretty cool."

"What is my sister's name mom?"

"Well, I don't know yet. Daddy and I have not decided. What do you think it should be?"

McKenna sat up on her knees in the bed and placed her hand flat against the bump.

"Something really pretty and really good."

"Are there any names that you like?"

"We are not naming her Dora," Elliot interrupted from across the room.

McKenna giggled.

"Or Belle or Jasmine or…."

"Cinderella?" McKenna asked playing along.

"Or Cinderella! It is way past your bedtime young lady," he said picking her up over his shoulder as she squealed and giggled again. "You were supposed to come in and tell mommy goodnight and meet me in your room to read from your book."

"Sorry daddy, I forgot. I was talking to my baby sister."

"You were, huh?"

"Yes," she whispered placing her forehead against his to stare into his eyes. "I love you daddy."

"I love you too baby," he whispered in return as she kissed him and wrapped her arms around his neck for a hug. "Oh, you give such good hugs," Elliot said with a growl.

"I do?" She asked tipping her head and looking exactly like her mother.

"Yes McKenna, you do. Did you brush your teeth?"

"Yeah."

"Did you give mommy kisses goodnight?"

"Not yet."

"Go tell her goodnight, then we will read a story from your book. Just a short one though, it is getting late."

Elliot put her down as she climbed back onto the bed to kiss her mother.

"Goodnight mommy," she said with a kiss and a big hug.

"Goodnight sweetheart," Olivia replied kissing her forehead and watching as McKenna laid down on the bed to feel her belly once more.

"What do you think she is doing in there mama?"

"She is laying very still right now. She is probably sleeping."

"And that is what you should be doing. Growing girls need their rest," Elliot said reaching for his daughter's hand.

"Goodnight baby," McKenna whispered as she kissed Olivia's belly once more and climbed down from the bed.

Olivia smiled getting a little teary eyed as her little big girl bonded with the baby, McKenna was going to be a great big sister. Elliot lead his daughter down the hall by the hand and tucked her into bed with her bear as he read her the story of Rapunzel.

"El, don't forget to take the dog out," Olivia called down the hall to him.

"Shhh," whispered as he stepped back into the bedroom. "Kenna and Boots are both asleep. Don't worry, I took her out. I also took the trash out and made your daughter pick up her toys from her bedroom floor before bed."

"My daughter, huh?"

"Our daughter. She is plenty big enough to start picking up after herself. With you being pregnant and the new baby coming any time, you don't need to be constantly cleaning up her room."

"She picks things up."

"When?"

"When ever I ask her to. It is just so much easier and faster if I do it myself."

"Maybe so, but she will never learn the responsibility if you do it yourself," he replied with a sly smile as he kidded her tenderly. He sat down on the bed beside her and smoothed his hand over her belly. "You know I would have been happy either way, but I am really glad that this baby is a girl."

"Oh yeah?"

"Yeah. We make such beautiful little girls."

"We do, don't we?"

"Yes. How is she doing in there?"

"She is sleeping, too. So you and I are finally alone," she replied closing her baby name book and setting it on the nightstand beside the bed.

"What ever shall we do?" He said with a playful laugh as he leaned in to kiss her.

"I have a few ideas."

"You do?"

"Oh yeah. It has been a little while," she said twisting his tie in her fingers. "And after next Thursday I won't be able to for six whole weeks. Six weeks is a _long_ time."

"It is. And now that we have finally got the hang of pregnancy sex, maybe it wouldn't be a bad idea. Of course we'll probably wake up the baby."

Olivia laughed.

"El, sometimes I am surprised we don't wake up the entire neighborhood."

"Hey, when we do _do it, _we do it well."

"Very well," she corrected him with a smile. "So what do you say?"

"I would have to be crazy to turn down a beautiful woman in my bed begging me for amazing sex," Elliot replied as he reached over her to turn off the bedside lamp.

* * *

The next morning came early as Elliot climbed form the shower and took over fixing breakfast for McKenna allowing Olivia her time in the bathroom.

"I told the kids we would take them to dinner after church," he called to her down the hall as he heard the shower shut off. "I was thinking that Italian place you like so much, but they will probably want Chinese. What do you think?"

Things were quiet for a moment as Elliot stepped back into the hall waiting for an answer.

"Liv?"

"I don't think we are going to make it to lunch," she said stepping into the hall with her hair dripping as she tied her bathrobe shut.

Elliot stared at her unsure of what she was trying to say.

"My water broke in the shower."

"It did? This is it? It's time?"

"It's time," she said with a smile.

She placed her palm against the wall as she began to feel the pressure of a contraction.

"I'll get your bag."

"I'm going to get dressed. I am not going to the hospital in my bathrobe."

Moments later Elliot pulled the strap of her overnight bag over his shoulder as he escorted her to the door. He pushed the button to the elevator and watched the doors close in front of them as Olivia looked over at him.

"El?"

"Yeah baby?"

"Aren't we forgetting something?"

"Keys are right here, sweetheart."

"No, El. Kenna," she groaned as another contraction ripped its way through her body.

"Shit! I am such a bad father!"

Elliot pushed the button to open the elevator doors again as he pulled the stop button.

"Wait right here baby, I will only be a second."

He rushed back down the hall and opened the apartment door to see their six year old sitting at the bar in her pajamas eating her Lucky Charms.

"Kenna, we have to go baby. It is time for mommy to have the baby," Elliot said rushing into her bedroom to grab her a change of clothes and her bear.

He headed back toward the front door pulling McKenna from her barstool and carrying her on his hip back to the elevator where he had left his wife.

Eight and a half hours later Elliot walked out into the waiting room full of Stabler children.

"Daddy, do we have a baby yet?" McKenna asked looking up at him from the floor where she and Eli were playing.

"We sure do kiddo. And she is beautiful."

"Can I see her?"

"You sure can. But we can only go in a few at a time. She is in with mommy right now and they are both very tired."

"Why don't you take McKenna back first, dad? Then Kathleen and the twins can go in and when they are done I'll take Eli to see the baby," Maureen suggested.

"Alright. Kenna, are you ready to go meet your new baby sister?"

"Yes!"

Elliot picked her up and placed her on his shoulders as he carried her down the hall.

"Wait daddy! I forgot something," she said as he set her down and she ran back to the waiting room. She returned a few seconds later with her favorite teddy bear and a folded up piece of paper and slipped her hand into his.

"This is mommy's room," Elliot said as they stepped inside.

"Hi mommy," McKenna said as she ran to Olivia's bedside.

"Hi sweetheart," Olivia replied cradling a small pink bundle in her arms.

"Is that my baby sister?"

"It sure is."

"Here honey," Elliot said picking her up and sitting her on the edge of the bed to get a closer look.

"She is so little," McKenna said staring down at the baby.

"She is now," Olivia explained, "you were this little too when you were first born."

"I was that little?"

"Actually, sissy is a little bigger than you were."

"I made you a picture mommy. It is roses. Pink for a girl," she said as she unfolded the page to show Olivia her drawing.

"That is beautiful. Thank you so much," she said kissing her first born.

McKenna's eyes widened and she stared down as the baby began to fuss a bit in Olivia's arms.

"Hi baby," she cooed softly and the newborn settled once more. "What is her name, mommy?"

"I…I guess she doesn't have one," Olivia said looking over at Elliot.

"I still like Alyssa," he said staring down at the baby girl.

"I don't know. I just don't think it fits her. I want her to have something a little more unique. Alyssa is just so common right now."

"I guess we will have to give it a little more thought."

"I know a name mommy. And it is pretty like a princess."

"You do?"

"Yes. You told me to think up a name. And I think the baby can be a princess, so I made her a princess name."

Elliot watched as McKenna leaned over and whispered something into Olivia's ear. Olivia tipped her head and looked at McKenna and then down at the baby.

"October?" Olivia repeated.

"October?" Elliot asked half in shock that his six year old had come up with something like that. "It is definitely different."

"Unique," Olivia said. "But it is pretty. It is actually really good. I think I like it."

"What middle name goes with October?" Elliot asked looking at his wife.

"I'm not sure," she said staring into McKenna's eyes.

McKenna kissed the baby's forehead then looked around the room.

"What about Rose, mommy? That is pretty, like a flower. And that sounds like a princess."

"October Rose," Olivia said as she held up her newborn. "What do you think, El?"

"I like it. What do you think?"

"I think our six year old just named her baby sister," she said with a smile.


	19. 19 You Are My Sunshine

_Desperation_

_(Chapter Nineteen: You Are My Sunshine)_

"Mommy," McKenna said tugging gently on Olivia's sleeve.

"Yeah sweetheart," Olivia said softly without opening her eyes.

"Mommy, my baby sister is crying."

"Of course she is," Olivia said opening her eyes and sitting up on the couch to notice that this time little October had napped for exactly twenty two minutes.

"What cry is that mom?" McKenna asked.

"Well, she just woke up so she is either wet or hungry. Or both."

"I'll get the diaper," McKenna said as Olivia made her way to the bassinette.

"Hey there pretty girl," Olivia cooed at the baby girl staring up at her. "You are obviously not half as tired as mommy is.

October stated up at her and whimpered threatening to cry some more.

"Here mom," McKenna said handing her the diaper and baby wipes.

"Thank you honey."

Olivia carried her baby daughter to the sofa and laid her down on a receiving blanket.

"It's okay baby," McKenna said softly placing the pacifier in her little sister's mouth and kissing the top of her head. "Mommy is here now. It will be okay."

Olivia smiled watching her six year old interact with the newborn. McKenna was an amazing big sister. She was always eager to help with the new baby and very handy when it came to keeping October occupied so that Olivia could get things done.

"I'm going to change her diaper, then watch her for me while I make a bottle."

"I get to baby sit October?"

"Yeah. You baby sit October for mommy while I make her a bottle."

"I can do that, mom."

"Sit right here and make sure she doesn't roll off the sofa. Her toys are right there and I will be in the kitchen if you need me. I will be back in a few minutes."

"Okay, mom."

Olivia made her way into the kitchen and pulled a bottle of pre-pumped breast milk from the refrigerator. She listened cautiously and smiled as McKenna sang to the baby in the other room. Olivia carried the bottle to the sink and ran some hot water in a bowl in the sink sitting the bottle into it for a few minutes.

She checked the temperature of the milk, then carried the bottle into the living room. She stood in the doorway for a moment watching as McKenna played with October. The child held a rattle in the baby's little hand and sang a verse of _You Are My Sunshine _to her new baby sister.

Olivia smiled as tears rose in her eyes, this was one of the sweetest things she had ever seen. When McKenna had finished her song she kissed the baby on the top of her head and whispered 'I love you' into her little ear.

"Hey Kenna?"

"Yeah mom?"

"How would you like to feed October her bottle?"

"I can do that?"

"I think maybe you are grown up enough to help mommy feed the baby. But you can only hold her or give her a bottle if mommy or daddy are right here with you, okay?"

"Okay mom," she agreed with a nod.

Olivia walked over to the sofa and picked up little October.

"Get up there on the sofa and sit down."

McKenna sat against the arm of the sofa and smiled up at her mother in excitement.

"Remember how daddy showed you to hold the baby?"

"Like this," McKenna said getting her arms into position.

"That's right."

Olivia sat down beside McKenna and placed October in her big sister's arms.

"You are really good at holding her. She likes when you hold her."

"I like to hold her," the little girl said with a big smile.

Olivia picked up a throw pillow and tucked it under McKenna's elbow to help support the baby.

"Now give her the bottle."

Olivia watched as McKenna placed the nipple of the bottle against the baby's mouth.

"See the bubbles here?"

"Yes."

"That means she is drinking the milk."

"That is cool."

"You want to make sure you keep the bottle tipped like this so that the milk stays down by the nipple and she doesn't get any air. If she swallows air then she will get a belly ache."

"Poor baby," McKenna said softly as she kissed October again.

"You really like being a big sister, don't you?"

"Yes, mommy."

"You are a very good big sister. And you help mommy out a lot with October. I really appreciate the help," Olivia said combing her fingers through McKenna's hair.

"Mommy?"

"Yes, baby?"

"Is this what I looked like when I was a baby?"

"Yeah," Olivia said with a smile. "You looked a lot like her. I can find a picture to show you when we're done feeding the baby."

"Was I this little?"

"You used to be."

"Did I cry a lot like October does?"

"Sometimes."

"I bet it was because I didn't have a big sister to sing to me. I only had you to sing to me mommy."

"Mommy sang to you a lot."

"The sunshine song. I remember."

"That's right. I sang you the sunshine song a lot. That was your favorite."

"I think it is October's favorite, too. That is why I sing it to her. I know when I was a baby and I cried it made me feel better. So I sing it to her."

"I heard you. You did a really good job and she didn't cry at all."

"I bet I know why I cried when I was a baby, mommy."

"Why is that, sweetheart?"

"Because I wanted my daddy. My real daddy."

Olivia smiled and kissed McKenna's forehead.

"I bet you are right, baby."

"I didn't cry anymore when we came to live with daddy in New York."

"No, you didn't."

"Well, 'cept when I was scared or haved bad dreams."

"You know what Kay? Sometimes grown ups cry when they have bad dreams, too."

"But that is the only time I cry."

"You are very brave. And very smart and a very good big sister."

"Mommy?"

"Yes, honey?"

"I think next year for my birthday I want a baby brother."

Olivia laughed.

"I'm not so sure about that. I think maybe we should just enjoy baby October for a little while before we start planning the next one."

"Okay, mommy."

"Why don't you go find a movie and I will burp her? I'll put her in her swing and you can help watch her while I make us some dinner. Daddy will be home soon."

"Can we watch _The Little Mermaid_?"

"You can watch whatever you want."

"I think October will like when Ariel sings."

Olivia took the baby from her and watched as McKenna kissed the top of the baby's head and scampered down the hall to get a movie to watch with her little sister. Olivia burped the baby girl and held her for a few minutes, just smiling and cooing to her. She smiled when October yawned and she placed her in the swing to watch the movie with her big sister.

About an hour later as Olivia was pulling dinner from the oven, Elliot walked in.

"Daddy," McKenna squealed as she ran to him leaping into his arms.

"Oh baby, I missed you, too. How was your day? Have you been helping out your mama?"

"Yes. I got to baby sit, October while mom made a bottle and dinner. And guess what?"

"What?"

"I got to give October her bottle all by myself!"

"You did?"

"Well, mom helped me a little."

"She did it mostly by herself. She is a very good big sister and a great help to me."

"Good," Elliot said putting his daughter down to kiss Olivia. "How was your day?"

"Good. Long, but good."

"Long?"

"She doesn't sleep during the day either. Not more than half an hour or so at a time anyway. I don't remember McKenna really being like this. Maybe I am a little out of practice."

"Well, why don't I take the night shift tonight and let you get some rest?"

"That is sweet, El. But you have work in the morning. And Kenna goes back to school."

"And it is just going to be you and October here by yourselves all day. You should rest up tonight. If she is anything like Eli was, this should wear down after a couple of weeks. She is still adjusting to life outside the womb."

"I hope you are right. You hungry?"

"Baby, I am always hungry."

"Well, dinner is ready so go get washed up," she said kissing him tenderly. "McKenna, can you set the table for mommy?" Olivia asked setting a stack of plated and silverware on the table.

"Yes," McKenna said as she came running.

Olivia walked into the living room and picked October up from her swing.

"Mommy has another bottle ready for you too, whenever you are ready for it."

She kissed her daughter and changed her again then picked up her bouncy seat and carried the baby into the kitchen. She sat the seat in a chair beside her at the table and started to put October in it.

"There is daddy's baby girl," Elliot said whisking the baby away from her mother and kissing her. "Daddy missed you today," he said as the baby looked up at him. "Babe, why don't you go ahead and fix yourself a plate. I can take care of her through dinner."

"El, you know she is going to cry as soon as we sit down, wanting to be fed."

"So, you eat. I will sit down here and give her a bottle. Then I will fix my plate. Daddy is home now. It is his turn to take care of October."

"I thought you were hungry?"

"I am, but so is our daughter. She doesn't eat much, so it wont take long. And you guys can tell me all about your day. When she is finished, I will put her in her seat and I will make my plate. Besides I know that look," he said looking down at the baby.

"You do, huh? What look is that?"

"That is her 'I want daddy to feed me' face."

Olivia laughed.

"Alright, if you say so."

"Hey, October is the boss," Elliot said smiling down at the baby.

"No, dad! Mommy is the boss," McKenna corrected.

"Okay, mommy is the boss."

"Now that we all agree on something, let's eat," Olivia said handing McKenna her plate as they all sat down to the table.


	20. 20 Strangers In The Night

_**This is a LONG and emotional chapter. It took a very long time to write and I hope it reads as clearly as the idea I had in my head. It took me 2 days to finish writing this chapter, I hope it isn't too hard to follow. ~ Detective Olivia Stabler ~**_

_Desperation_

_(Chapter Twenty: Strangers In The Night)_

"Do you feel any different?" Elliot asked wrapping his arms around Olivia and kissing the side of her neck.

"Why would I? The only thing that has changed is my name. You and I are exactly the same as we were before we eloped."

"We are. But now we are officially the Stabler family, all of us."

"I don't feel different, Elliot. But I am happy that we finally did it. That we are finally husband and wife. I mean, we have two beautiful little girls together. McKenna is seven now and October is almost six months old, I think it will be better for them to know that their parents were married at some point."

Elliot smiled.

"I have been trying to get you to marry me since we started dating. This was the first time you said yes."

"I just wanted to wait until it was right. I didn't want to rush into it. I knew I loved you and I knew you loved me. Then I got pregnant and I didn't want it to be about the baby. I wanted it to be about us and only us. When you and I finally got married I wanted it to be because it was right for us, not because we had kids together and that is how society thinks we should be. We had both been married before. I didn't want some big show. You and I and a couple of witnesses at the courthouse was perfect. And our little honeymoon cruise, it was sweet and romantic and amazing."

"It was nice. I got you something."

She smiled as he handed her a single white rose.

"It's beautiful. Thank you. But you know you don't have to gifts home all of the time."

"Well, today is kind of our anniversary."

"It is?"

"We have been married one month, today. And we have lived in this house for four months. So I guess it is kind of a double anniversary."

Olivia laughed.

"I guess you are right," she said wrapping her arms around his neck and kissing him. "I think maybe this calls for a romantic celebration dinner."

"I think you are right," Elliot said kissing his wife. "I will call Maureen and see if she can sit with the girls for a couple of hours."

"She'll be here at seven. I called her an hour ago, just before I made our reservation. You didn't think I would forget our anniversary, did you?"

Elliot smiled and kissed her.

"So what are our plans for the evening?"

"I figured we could have dinner around seven thirty and then catch a movie. I told Maureen we should be home by eleven. I'll feed October and give her a bath, she'll be in bed by the time Maureen gets here. McKenna will be asleep around eight or so. I'll make up a bottle incase the baby wakes up, but it should be a pretty simple evening for her. McKenna rented a few movies and Maureen is picking up a pizza on her way over."

"Sounds like you have everything planned out."

"I'm just a little nervous, I guess."

"Liv, Maureen has sat for the girls before."

"I know, but this is the first time we have left them in the new house. If something should happen…."

"The neighbors are half a mile down the road if she needs anything and you and I can be home in half an hour. Maureen is twenty years old, she can handle babysitting her two little sisters for a few hours. Especially since the baby is already going to be asleep and McKenna won't be up very long after we leave."

"You're right. I guess it's just that before we were still in the city and she could have help there in moments. Now…."

"Now we live in a place where we actually know our neighbors and it is safe enough that our kids can play outside. She can look out the window and see the neighbor's house. We know these people. I lived in that apartment for years and couldn't tell you the name of the guy who lived down the hall. We're back in the suburbs now, baby."

"Elliot, in the suburbs your neighbors don't live half a mile away. And I think I know from experience that bad things happen in the suburbs, too."

"The privacy was half the reason we liked this place. Would you rather take the kids to Maureen's apartment? She could watch them there and we could pick them up after dinner if it would make you feel better about this."

"No, I'm being silly about this, I know. I just….for some reason, I'm nervous."

"They are our babies. I understand being nervous. We have not left October for more than an hour or so since she was born. But this is only a few hours and I promise you, the girls will be fine. Maureen has all of the emergency numbers if she needs them. She knows the house and she has her car if she should need one. And I will keep my phone on vibrate during the movie so she can reach us at any time. If she has any trouble at all, we will head home immediately."

"Okay," Olivia agreed as Elliot kissed her.

"I'm gonna jump in the shower," he said giving her another kiss. "You should start getting ready as well."

"I need to go feed the baby and pump."

"You do that," Elliot joked kissing the top of her head.

"I will," Olivia laughed as she walked out of the room.

When Elliot got out of the shower Maureen was sitting in the living room floor eating pizza and watching Disney movies with McKenna. He walked into the room and kissed his oldest daughter on the top of her head as he sat on the sofa.

He watched as the little orphaned kitten on television tried to escape the men who kidnapped him and make his way back home to the little girl who owned him. Elliot found himself intrigued as the animals on the screen sang and danced to music by Huey Lewis and Billy Joel.

McKenna spotted her father and climbed into his lap to watch the movie.

"Daddy, do you think that kitty will find his way back home?" she asked softly not breaking her stare from the screen.

"I think the dogs are helping him get home."

"He must be scared. He is lost at the city all alone."

"He's with his friends. They will take care of him."

"El?" Olivia asked again watching her husband completely absorbed in the cartoon.

"Yeah?" he replied sitting McKenna down on the sofa and standing to kiss his wife. "You look stunning."

"Thank you," Olivia said with a smile. "Pretty good movie, huh?"

Elliot grinned, knowing he had been caught.

"Kenna likes it."

"Apparently, she isn't the only one," Olivia said with a smile.

"It is a very interesting movie. Kind of sad," he said looking back at the girls staring at the screen.

"Elliot, I'll let you in on a little secret," Olivia said leaning in close and brushing her cheek against his. "The little girl is saved and the cat finds his way home," she whispered as she kissed his cheek.

Elliot laughed.

"You ruined it," he said shaking his head.

"Can you take your daughter and finish feeding her while I find my earrings?"

"Can do," Elliot said with a smile as he carried October into the nursery and gave her a bottle.

Olivia finished getting ready and walked into the nursery to say goodnight to little October. She held the baby girl in her arms and rocked her gently humming to her until October closed her little eyes and was finally asleep.

"Goodnight baby girl," Olivia whispered kissing her daughter. "Mommy loves you angel."

She placed October in her crib and wound the mobile to start a lullaby, then returned to the living room.

"Okay, emergency numbers are on the fridge. Restaurant number…"

"By the phone," Maureen cut her off. "I've got this, Liv."

"Alright," Olivia laughed. "McKenna is to be in bed by eight o'clock."

"Mom," McKenna whined. "Can I stay up, please?"

"I don't think Maureen would appreciate that."

"I don't mind."

"Alright, you can stay up until nine o'clock. If you are good," Olivia said as McKenna grinned.

"I will be very good."

"You'd better. Give mommy and daddy kisses."

"Bye mama," McKenna said rubbing her nose against her mother's. "I love you," she whispered.

"I love you too, sweetheart."

Olivia handed McKenna off to her father and began to put her coat on.

"Bye dad," McKenna said placing a little hand on each side of Elliot's face and pulling their mouths together.

"Bye princess. You be good for Maureen. Tomorrow is Saturday."

"Pancake day," McKenna said as a huge smile spread across her face.

"Yes, pancake day. What kind of pancakes do you think we should make?"

"How about…."

Elliot watched in amusement as she placed her hand to her chin and thought about it for a moment.

"Strawberry pancakes," she said in excitement.

"Strawberry pancakes?"

"Yeah daddy, they sound good."

"They do sound good. Strawberry pancakes it is. Daddy will stop on the way home tonight and pick up some stuff for strawberry pancakes. I love you button," Elliot said kissing his little girl.

"I love you too daddy," McKenna whispered.

"Maureen, I will keep my phone on if you need anything."

"Okay, dad."

"We wont be too late," Olivia said handing Elliot his car keys.

"Don't worry about it. You guys have fun and we will be fine."

After dinner Elliot took Olivia to see the romantic comedy she had been wanting to see. On the way home they stopped by a small market so that Elliot could get the stuff for McKenna's strawberry pancakes.

Back at home, Olivia picked her sleeping daughter up from the sofa and carried her into her bedroom. She kissed McKenna goodnight and tucked her in, then went to check on October.

Elliot paid Maureen and kissed her goodbye. He stood on the front porch waving and watched as she drove out of site. He went to the kitchen and poured two glasses of Olivia's favorite red wine. He picked up the glasses, turned out the lights and headed down the hall toward the bedroom.

When Olivia returned from the nursery, Elliot had dimmed the lights and turned on some soft music.

"What is this?" she asked kicking off her heels and pulling off her earrings.

"Just a little wine and music. The kids are sound asleep, I figured this would give us a little time alone."

"Looks like someone is in the mood for a little romance," Olivia said as she unzipped her black dress and disappeared into the bathroom.

"You know, just because I put on some music and poured some wine doesn't mean that I want…." Elliot was distracted when she stepped back into the room wearing a long black satin and lace gown.

"I was talking about me," Olivia said with a sly smile.

He watched as she made her way slowly to the bed.

"I have got to be the luckiest man in the world."

"I could agree with you on that," she laughed playfully as she crawled across the bed and kissed him.

It was around three o'clock in the morning when something woke Olivia from her sleep. She sat up in the bed and pulled the sheet around her nude body as she listened to see if the kids were awake.

She groaned a bit and combed her fingers through her hair as she climbed from the bed. Olivia made her way across the room to the dresser and pulled on a tee shirt and a pair of boxer shorts, then headed for the hall to check on the girls.

As she reached the bedroom door she heard a crash from the living room.

"Elliot," she whispered.

Elliot groaned and raised his head.

"El, someone is in the house."

"Are you sure?"

"Yes! Get up!"

"I'm up," he said jumping from the bed and pulling on a pair of pajama pants and a tee shirt.

Elliot grabbed his gun from the top of the armoire and made his way to the door.

"Where is your phone?"

"In the kitchen with my purse. Where is yours?"

"I think I left it in the car."

"Great."

"Stay behind me," Elliot said as he peered out their bedroom door into the dark hallway. "Grab October and go into McKenna's room. Lock the door and don't come out."

"Elliot…."

"Shh," Elliot said as he took her hand in his and lead her out the door and into the dark hallway.

They crept quietly down the hall peeking into McKenna's room first to see her sleeping peacefully.

"Get the baby and lock yourselves in Kenna's room," Elliot breathed as Olivia nodded her head.

She tried hard to keep memories of that horrible night, back in Galveston from creeping into her mind. Elliot pushed open the door to the nursery and surveyed the room. When he was sure it was safe he motioned for Olivia to step inside and get the baby while he stood guard at the door.

Olivia rushed to the crib and scoop up little October in her arms. She wrapped the baby's blanket tight around her and grabbed the pacifier from the dresser on her way out of the room. Elliot escorted Olivia back down the hall and into McKenna's bedroom.

"Stay in here while I go check it out."

"Elliot, this is stupid. Let's just take the kids and leave. Who cares about the house?"

"Liv, I can handle this. You keep the kids in the bedroom so they don't get scared. If I'm not back in a few minutes I want you to take the girls and go out the window to the neighbor's and call for help."

"Elliot, you are slightly freaking me out right now."

"I don't mean to, baby. I just want to know that you guys are safe. I love you."

"I love you, too."

Elliot kissed her again then kissed the top of the baby's head.

"Lock this door behind me."

Olivia nodded as he walked out of the room and back into the hall. She closed and locked the door as she looked around the room. It was the last week of March and still pretty cold outside. She pulled a laundry basket of clean clothes across the floor and laid October inside it.

"Kenna," she whispered quietly as McKenna raised her head from her pillow.

"Mommy?" McKenna yawned as she rubbed her eyes.

"Shh, we have to be really quiet. Listen baby, I need you to wake up and put on some warm clothes."

"Mommy, what's wrong?"

Olivia stared into the little girl's eyes fighting back tears.

"There are bad men in our house."

McKenna looked horrified as she began to cry.

"No, baby. Look at me. It is going to be okay. We just have to be really quiet and they wont even know we are here," Olivia whispered as she hugged her little girl.

"Is it the bad men who killed my other daddy?"

"I don't know, baby."

"Did they get daddy, too?"

"No, honey. Daddy is okay. He is a police man. He went to try to make the bad men go away. But I need you to listen to me. Put on something warm," Olivia said handing McKenna a hooded sweatshirt and a pair of jeans.

"Get dressed as quick as you can."

She took one of McKenna's sweatshirts and put it over the baby's sleeper then wrapped her back in her blanket.

"Did you get your shoes on?"

"Yeah," McKenna said softly. "Mommy, when is daddy coming back?" McKenna asked as they heard a loud thump from the other room.

Olivia kissed her daughter.

"Kenna, come here."

Olivia quietly slid open the closet door and pushed the laundry basket with the sleeping baby inside.

"I want you to hide in here with October and don't make a sound. Mommy will be right back."

Olivia looked at the tears in her daughter's eyes.

"Mommy is coming right back, baby. I promise you."

McKenna nodded her head and hugged her mother tight.

"I love you angel. Stay here with sissy."

"Okay, mommy."

Olivia slid the door closed and moved across the room to the bedroom door. She listened for a moment to the screaming silence and knew something must be wrong. She unlocked the door and pulled it open only slightly to peer down the empty hallway.

She took a deep breath and tip toed out into the hall to try and see where her husband was. But she saw nothing. Olivia made her way down the hall and into the living room.

The room was trashed and pieces of a busted lamp were strung from one end to the other, but no one was there. She moved slowly against the wall in the dark, stopping suddenly as she heard the sound of a struggle in the kitchen. She looked around the room for something to defend herself with, but saw nothing.

"Hey!" A man's voice shouted and she looked up to see him staring at her in the mirror.

Olivia's heard was pounding as she ran toward the bedroom where she had left the girls. As she ran she heard the loud popping of gunfire and felt a sharp pain in her right shoulder. She dropped to the floor and crawled her way down the hall and into the bedroom, closing and locking the door behind her.

She pushed the dresser in front of the door and pulled open the closet.

"Mommy," McKenna cried at the sight of her mother's blood soaked shirt.

"Mommy's okay, baby. Kenna, I need you to be a big girl right now, okay?"

"Okay," she whimpered trying to be brave.

Olivia took McKenna by the hand and lead her over to the bedroom window.

"Do you see that light, right there?"

"Yes."

"That is street light in Mike and Laura's yard. Kay, mommy needs you to take baby October and run as fast as you can toward that light. Go to their house and bang on the door until someone answers. You tell them that someone is in your house and ask them to call 911. Can you do that for me?"

"Yes momma," McKenna whispered staring at the light.

"It is cold outside. And it is going to seem like a long way to run. Just hold tight to your baby sister and keep running. Don't look back no matter what, okay?"

McKenna nodded her head.

"Mommy loves you so much," Olivia said pulling up the hood on Kenna's sweatshirt and tucking her hair inside it.

"Are you coming with us, mommy?"

"Mommy has to go help daddy. Then we will be right behind you. I promise. You run to that house."

"I will."

Olivia opened the window and pushed out the screen. The house was only one level, making it a little easier to lower the kids to the ground with her bad shoulder. Olivia hugged McKenna tight and kissed her.

"Take care of sissy. I love you."

"I love you too, mommy."

Olivia looked back at the door as she heard the man searching the master bedroom for her.

"We don't have much time," she said as she took McKenna by the hand.

She lowered McKenna to the ground then picked up October. She leaned out the window as far as she could and placed the baby into McKenna's arms.

"Go, Kenna! Run!"

She watched as McKenna took her baby sister and disappeared into the night. Olivia wiped her tears as she closed the window once more. She pushed the dresser back into place and listened at the door as the two men were talking in the kitchen once more.

She could hear one man tell the other that he knew she was hiding in the bedroom and they talked about taking care of her.

Olivia pressed her lips together as she opened the door and crept slowly down the hall and into the nursery once more. By now this room had been torn apart as well and thoroughly searched while the man was looking for her. She ducked behind the door as the man who had shot her reloaded his gun and headed into McKenna's bedroom to find her.

She crept out of the nursery and into the living room, but this part of the house now appeared empty. She made her way into the kitchen and noticed the door to the basement standing open.

Olivia crouched in the shadows and tried to think of something she could do to help. That was when she spotted Dickie's baseball bat against the wall beside the front door.

She moved quietly across the room and picked up the bat, then headed back toward the kitchen.

She froze for a moment as she heard a chilling laugh. Olivia looked over her shoulder to see the one of the men staring at her through the mirror.

"Just what do you think you are gonna do with a baseball bat and a gimp arm? I'm really scared now."

Olivia could feel herself shaking uncontrollably when she realized she had heard this man's voice before. He was there, that night in Galveston, in her house the night James Daws was murdered.

The man moved quickly around the counter to try and grab Olivia, but she was already gone.

Olivia walked slowly and quietly down the stairs to see s bloody and beaten Elliot tied to a chair against the far wall.

"Oh my God," Olivia whispered sitting down the bat and rushing to his side. "El?"

"I'm okay," he groaned. "Where are the girls?"

"I handed the baby to McKenna and told her to run to the neighbor's house for help. They are safe."

"You should have gone with them."

"I have to get you untied."

Olivia began to tug at the tape binding Elliot's arms and legs to the chair, but she couldn't get him free.

"Are you alright?" Elliot asked.

"I'll be okay. I think the bullet went all the way through. It stings, but I am sure it will be fine. You?"

"Nothing serious. A few bumps and bruises. He got my gun."

"I noticed," Olivia said with a nervous laugh.

Elliot turned his attention to the staircase as he heard the basement door open once more. Olivia waited anxiously as the man made his way down the stairs.

"It ain't nothing personal. We just had a little business with your old man. But you and the kid got in the way. You saw more than you were supposed to, you see. That is a problem. A problem I intend to take care of here, tonight. I already took care of that F.B.I. jerk who kept following me around. I'll make you a deal. I wont hurt the kid. See, you could testify and really cause me some trouble for killing that no good husband of yours. But the little girl….well, she could, but who's really gonna believe a kid anyway? So what do you say you just come out here and we take care of this once and for all? We both know you ain't gonna do much damage with a bad arm and a baseball bat."

Olivia closed her eyes and prayed as she heard the familiar sound of the last step creak. She growled as she lunged forward hitting the man full force in the face with the baseball bat.

"I bat left handed, asshole!" she shouted as the man fell to the ground.

Olivia gasped as she looked over her shoulder at Elliot.

"Good shot, baby," he whispered.

She knelt to feel the man for a pulse.

"He's dead," she gasped as she backed away from the body, trying not to cry. "He's dead."

"There was another guy," Elliot said just as the second man leapt from the shadows and tackled Olivia.

She fought with the man for a few minutes before he pinned her down and forced her knees apart. The man smiled over at Elliot still strapped to his chair, as Olivia whimpered.

"Do you want to watch me fuck your pretty wife?" the man asked with a grin.

"Hurt her and I will kill you," Elliot shouted as Olivia struggled to free herself.

The man pushed both of her hands above her head and held them there as he pushed her tee shirt up revealing her flat stomach.

"Oh yeah," he grunted as he reached to unzip his pants.

Olivia was crying and could barely breathe. Things could not end this way. She wouldn't let them. She drew a deep breath and twisted her body freeing one knee.

"Fuck this," she shouted as she buried her knee as hard as she could in his groin area.

The man groaned in pain as he doubled over in pain. Olivia rolled over and tried to crawl away, but he grabbed her and pulled her back to him.

"You don't play fair," he said as they began to struggle while he tried to pin her down again.

Elliot watched helplessly as the man fought with his wife. He stirred around trying to free himself so he could help her, but nothing seemed to work.

"She's a little firecracker," the man laughed as Olivia slapped him across the face.

Elliot twisted and pulled his wrists so hard against the tape that they began to bleed. Then he heard a gunshot.

Elliot couldn't breathe as he studied to two motionless bodies laying there in front of him. His eyes filled with tears as he watched for some sort of sign that Olivia was still alive, but neither of them moved.

"God no," he gasped as he tugged at the tape again. "Liv, baby. Please," he pleaded.

Olivia whimpered and then groaned as she pushed the man off of her and gasped for air.

"Thank God," Elliot gasped as she made her way to his side.

Olivia crawled over to her husband's side. She kissed him tenderly as Elliot whispered to her that everything was going to be okay now. Still in shock, Olivia was only able to free one of Elliot's hands.

She curled up beside him resting her head against him. Elliot combed his fingers through her hair and kissed the top of her head.

"Everything is going to be okay now," he assured her once more as they began to hear the police sirens coming down the road.


	21. 21 On The Mend

_Desperation_

_(Chapter Twenty One: On The Mend)_

Olivia opened her eyes and groaned a bit as she looked around her hospital room.

"Elliot?"

"It's okay Liv," Kathy said as she sat up from the chair she had fallen asleep in.

"Kathy?" Olivia looked a bit confused.

"El is in a room down the hall. He is going to be fine. He has a few bumps and bruises, a couple of broken ribs and a concussion. The doctor's want to keep him another night just to make sure things are okay."

"Where are the girls?"

"Maureen took them in to see Elliot as soon as they would let her. McKenna has been crying all night that she wants to see her daddy."

"This whole thing has been horrible on her," Olivia said feeling the large bump on the back of her head and looking under her gown at she bandage over her bullet wound.

"The doctor said you should recover quickly. You had lost a lot of blood and they had to wait for you to stabilize before they could do surgery."

"Surgery?" Olivia asked.

"They went in and removed a small part of the bullet that lodged in your shoulder. But the doctor said there didn't seem to be any nerve damage."

"Just a lot of pain," Olivia groaned as she pushed the call button on the bedrail. "I have delivered two babies and I don't remember either of those experiences being half this painful. Of course the epidural didn't hurt," she said laying back in her bed as the nurse entered the room.

"She is in a lot of pain," Kathy said. "Can you get her something?"

The woman nodded and walked back out of the room.

"Thanks," Olivia said adjusting herself in the bed trying to get comfortable.

"Would you like another pillow?" Kathy asked.

"No, I'm fine. Thanks. So, I don't mean to sound…." Olivia paused for a moment trying to think of the right way to put this, "well, rude. But, why exactly are you here?"

"Elliot couldn't be in here when you woke up from surgery. McKenna refused to leave the hospital last night, so the kids slept scattered around the waiting room until the doctor finally let them in to see Elliot a few hours ago. Maureen and I have been taking care of the girls and when we went in to see Elliot, he asked me if I would sit with you until you woke up so you wouldn't be alone."

"There was no one else?" Olivia asked raising an eyebrow at the oddity of the situation.

"It had to be a family member."

"I didn't realize that you and I were related," Olivia thought out loud. "That was rude. I'm sorry. I get really bitchy when I am in pain."

Kathy laughed.

"It's alright. I would probably be a bit confused myself if I had been through what you have and were in your situation. I am the ex-wife of your husband and probably the last person you expected to….or wanted to see for that matter when you woke up from surgery."

"I didn't mean it like that. It is just that you and I have never been close. Civil, yes. We get along, but we have never really been what I would call friends. You know what, I am just making things worse. I am just going to stop talking now."

"It's alright," Kathy said once more as she sat down in the chair beside the bed. "You must be exhausted."

"I am. But I would really like to see my girls."

"I'll ask the nurse when she comes back in," Kathy replied.

Things were quiet in the room for a moment, then Kathy let out a small laugh.

"What? Do I look that bad?" Olivia asked.

"No, no. Actually, You look amazing considering they just pulled a bullet out of your arm an hour ago."

"Then what is so funny?"

"Elliot told the doctor that you and I were sisters. That is why they let me in here to sit with you. It was immediate family only."

"Sisters?" Olivia asked wondering where he got that harebrained idea.

"Step, maybe," Kathy said with a smile and Olivia laughed.

"He is a bit crazy, but I love him anyway."

"I know you do," Kathy said with a small smile. "I'm really glad that you are both going to be okay, Olivia. I know that we're not exactly friends, but I kind of like having you around."

"I like having you around, too."

"I'll go see where that nurse is with your pain medication," Kathy said making her way to the door."

"Kathy….thank you. For sitting here with me and for taking care of the girls. There aren't many people I would trust to watch them, especially in times like this. But I trust you."

"You're welcome," Kathy said forcing a smile as both women fought off tears.

About an hour later Olivia got a big surprise as Elliot entered with both McKenna and October.

"Mommy," McKenna squealed as she ran across the room and climbed into the hospital bed beside her mother.

"Oh sweetheart, mommy missed you so much," Olivia said hugging McKenna tight.

"Careful, Kenna. Mommy's arm is hurt."

"Mommy's arm feels fine," Olivia said smiling at her husband. "Kathy got me the hook up with some good pain medication."

"She did, huh?" Elliot laughed.

"Yeah. I'm feeling much better now. How did you manage to escape?"

"I didn't so much escape as get a pass for good behavior. We can't stay long. But I had to see you."

"I'm glad you came," she said kissing him tenderly.

"Is that where the bullet shot you?" McKenna whispered pointing to the bandage sticking out of Olivia's hospital gown.

"It is."

"But the doctor did a operation and taked it out?"

"Yes. The doctor operated and took the bullet out. Mommy will be all better really soon. I'm just going to be sore for a couple of weeks. And I will probably need you to help me out with your baby sister. How are you doing?"

"I'm okay. I'm not scared no more. 'Cause I know you and daddy are okay."

"Mommy and daddy are going to be just fine. And you were so brave," Olivia said softly holding back tears as McKenna laid her head against her mother's chest and stared up at her. "My big girl. You took your baby sister to safety and got help for mommy and daddy," Olivia said kissing Kenna's forehead.

"I was scared then. But I told October don't cry it will be okay. And she just cried a little. I ran real fast to the light and pushed the button to ring the bell until Laura opened the door. Then I told her call 911 'cause there's bad men in our house with my mommy and daddy."

"And she called 911?" Elliot asked.

"No, she maked Mike call the police and she got a blanket for me and October to sit on the couch. October cried because she wanted mommy and daddy, but I told her don't be scared. And Laura gave me cookies, but I only ate one because I already brushed my teeth."

Elliot smiled at his daughter as Olivia's eyes flooded with tears.

"Then the police man taked us to see Uncle Munch and Aunt Kathy and Maureen came to get us at daddy's work."

"What you did was very brave," Elliot told her. "If you hadn't went for help then the bad men may have hurt you and baby October, too. Mommy and daddy are so proud of you."

"Kenna, mommy and daddy have to stay the night in the hospital tonight. You and October are going to go home with Aunt Kathy tonight and spend the night with Eli. Maureen is going to stay there too, I think. I need you to be a good girl and help Aunt Kathy out with October, okay?"

"Okay, mommy."

"That's my girl. Now give me a kiss. It is getting late and you guys have had a long day."

McKenna leaned forward and kissed her mother.

"I love you, mommy."

"I love you too, baby."

McKenna smiled and climbed down as Elliot handed the baby to Olivia.

"Oh my baby girl," Olivia said as she hugged October and kissed her. "Mommy was so worried about both of my girls."

October smiled and cooed as she placed her hands against Olivia's face. Olivia played with the baby for a few minutes then kissed her and handed her back to Elliot.

"I told Kathy I have some frozen breast milk at the house. But I'm not sure if they will let them back in."

"I had Munch run by and grab it."

"You got Munch to get breast milk from our freezer?"

"I may have left out the part about it being _breast_ milk. I just told him it was milk for the baby and he was happy to do it."

"I wont be able to nurse her or pump for a while because of the medication I'm on. So she is going to have to switch over to formula. There is a can of formula in the diaper bag. She will hesitate, but she will take it eventually. Maureen knows what kind we use if they should need more. She will need money for diapers."

"It's covered. I gave Kathy some cash incase they needed anything for the girls. Maureen said she is going to put McKenna in bed with her, just in case she gets scared."

"She will like that."

"Uncle Munch also bringed me Maggie from my room, mommy. That way she wont be scared either."

"That was very nice of him. Did you say thank you?"

"Yes."

"Okay ladies, we need to tell mommy goodnight so she can get some rest."

Elliot leaned October in for another kiss and McKenna gave her mother another hug.

"You can probably come back and visit mommy in the morning."

"See you tomorrow mommy," McKenna said waving.

"See you tomorrow, sweetheart."

"I want to hand them off to Kathy so she can take them home and get them in bed. I'd probably better get back, too before they send out a search party."

"Okay," she said with a smile.

Elliot kissed her tenderly then backed up for a moment and stared into her eyes.

"I love you."

"I love you, too."

Olivia wiped tears from her eyes, refusing to cry as she watched her husband walk the girls out of the room. She exhaled deeply as she slid down in the bed and closed her heavy eyes in an attempt to get some sleep.


	22. 22 Strange

_Desperation_

_(Chapter Twenty Two: Strange)_

Olivia stood at the foot of her hospital bed as she tucked her things into a duffel bag. She exhaled as she laid her favorite pair of jeans and a pink and grey argyle sweater on the bed. She stepped into the bathroom to change out of her hospital gone and into her own clothes for the first time in three days.

Elliot had gone down to sign the last few papers for her release. Olivia stepped into the jeans and dropped her hospital gown as she stared at herself in the mirror. She struggled for a few moments putting on her bra and a white undershirt. Then ran a brush through her hair. She pressed her lips together for a moment as she studied the bandage peeking out from under the spaghetti strap of her shirt.

She leaned forward staring into the mirror as she peeled back the bandage to look at the wound.

"Gross," she said to herself as she touched the spot with her fingertip.

"I'm pretty sure you are not supposed to be touching that," Elliot said from behind her.

"It is going to leave a nasty scar."

"Maybe not. The doctor gave you that cream stuff to help with that. And it isn't that big."

"Still, it's like he branded me."

"Hey," Elliot said snaking his arms around her and kissing her cheek. "I know two little girls who will be more than excited to have their mommy home with us. McKenna has been bugging be since I was discharged wanting to know when mommy is coming home."

"But I'm not exactly going home, am I?"

"You get to leave this dump," he said trying to make her smile.

But Olivia just looked worried.

"The police are not finished with the house yet."

"So we're staying at you ex-wife's house for a few days?"

"It is my house, I paid for it. She just happens to live there with my children. Besides, we don't know how long our house will be a crime scene and we need a place to sleep. I called around to a few hotels, but Kathy offered. I know it will be a little awkward, but we are talking about a few days. Not permanently. And it will save us a lot of money."

"Okay. At this point, I don't really care where we go as long as I get a hot shower and a place to sleep."

"A safe place to sleep. And help with the kids. And I don't have to worry about you being alone when I have to go back to work."

Olivia turned around and looked at him.

"When?"

"Tomorrow."

"Elliot…."

"We need the money. And you are going to be off for a little while with your shoulder. We can't stay in the house right now, but we still have to make the payment."

"God, we don't need this."

"Baby, everything is going to be okay. You just need to relax and work on getting better."

"So we spend a few days at Kathy's. Then what?"

"We'll figure it out. Right now, lets just get out of this hospital."

Olivia nodded in agreement.

"Can you help me with my sweater? I'm a little slow at this."

Elliot laughed and helped her pull the sweater on.

"See, you look beautiful. And you can't even see the bandage," he said kissing the tip of her nose. "I love you."

"I love you, too."

An hour later they were walking up the front steps to the house in Queens.

"Mommy," McKenna squealed as the front door flew open and she rand down the steps.

The little girl threw her arms around her mother's waist and hugged her tight. Olivia knelt beside her daughter to hold her for a moment.

"Mommy missed you girls so much," she said kissing McKenna.

"I missed you too, mommy."

"Have you been helping Aunt Kathy take care of October?"

"Yes. She missed you too, mom."

"Well, lets go see her," Olivia said with a smile as she took McKenna's hand.

"She's taking a nap right now, so we have to be real quiet."

"Okay," Olivia said with a smile.

Inside Kathy was making dinner for everyone.

"Hey guys," she said pulling a pan from the oven and sitting it on the counter. "Elizabeth honey, set the table. Have your brother grab a couple of folding chairs from the garage for the two of you."

"Okay, mom."

"You must be exhausted," Kathy said looking at Olivia.

"Yeah. Just glad to finally be out of that hospital."

"I have you guys set up downstairs. If you want to follow me, I will show you."

"Okay," Olivia agreed as October began to cry from the other room.

"I've got her," Elliot said kissing Olivia.

He handed the duffel bag off to Kathy and headed for Kathy's room to get his daughter.

"Here we go," Kathy said turning on the light at the foot of the stairs to reveal a den like living space. "The sofa pulls out to a queen sized bed. I just put clean sheets on it. Extra blankets are here," she said opening a small closet. "I figured McKenna could sleep on the loveseat and I will get Dickie to set up October's playpen down here for you. There is a full bathroom in here and the dresser in the closet has been cleaned out to give you guys some space for your things. There are fresh towels there as well. It isn't much," she said smiling at Olivia, "but it is yours as long as you'd like."

"Thank you for everything," Olivia replied. "This really means a lot to both of us."

"No problem. I'll leave you to get settled. Maureen is making a salad to go with the pot roast, then dinner will be ready."

"I think I'm gonna go upstairs and see my baby," Olivia said turning off the light and following Kathy to the stairwell.

Olivia opened the door to Kathy's bedroom to as Elliot finished changing October's diaper.

"There's mommy's girl," she said as both father and daughter looked in her direction.

"Momma's here October," Elliot cooed to the baby as she smiled and kicked her feet in excitement.

Olivia walked over to the bed and laid down beside her daughter.

"Hi baby, mommy missed you so much."

She leaned down and kissed October as she touched her fingertip to the baby's little nose. Olivia combed her fingers through the little girl's thick dark hair and stared into her big brown eyes.

"Did you miss mommy?" she asked.

October smiled and laughed as she talked baby talk to her mother.

"I think she missed you too," Elliot said.

Olivia laughed and scooped up the baby the best she could with her one good arm.

"You want me to take her?"

"I'm okay," she said cuddling the baby and kissing her. "I probably can't carry her, but I can hold her."

"I hope you are hungry. Pot roast is Kathy's specialty."

Olivia laughed.

"It will be nice to eat something other than hospital food."

That evening Elliot put the baby to bed and put in a movie for McKenna while Olivia took a long hot bath to relax. Olivia was soaking in her bubble bath when she heard Elliot knock on the door.

"Hey," he said softly as he pushed the door open.

"Hey," she replied with a smile.

"Can I come in?"

"Sure. Are the girls settled?"

"October is asleep in her playpen and McKenna is watching a movie. She will be out soon." Elliot sat in the floor beside the bathtub. He soaped up a washcloth and began washing her back. "How are you feeling?"

"I'm okay. Just a little tired. But I'm glad to be here with my husband and kids."

"I know this is kind of a strange situation. They should be finished with the house in a few days."

"I don't know, El. I have really been thinking about this and I…." she exhaled softly.

"You don't want to go back?"

Olivia looked at him.

"I'm just not sure if I can. And I don't think McKenna will ever feel safe there again. I'm not sure if any of us will."

"I can call the broker we bought the house from and see if they can help us find something else."

"But we can't afford another place."

"We'll figure something out. I want us to have a place where we can raise our family and feel safe. I can give her a call tomorrow and just see what they can do to help us out. I honestly don't see any of us feeling safe there again, Liv. And it is my responsibility as the head of this family to make sure that my wife and kids live in a home where they can be safe and happy. I want us to get back to that place. And I don't think it can ever happen in that house. Between the break in and two men dying in that house, I don't think I can ever call it home again."

"That house was our dream," she said getting a little teary eyed. "A nice safe place where our kids can play outside. All of that is gone now."

"We can make a new dream, Olivia. The important thing is that our girls are safe and you are safe and we're all together. We can get a new house and make a new life with new dreams."

"Elliot, everything we have is tied up in that house."

"Try not to worry. I will talk to her and we will figure something out," Elliot said ringing out the wash cloth and laying it over the side of the bathtub. "I'm gonna go check on the girls," Elliot said kissing her tenderly.

"I'll be out in a minute."

"I love you," Elliot said gazing into her eyes.

"I love you too," Olivia said forcing a smile.

A little while later Olivia joined Elliot in the family room. He had the sofa bed pulled out and made up and both girls were tucked in and sleeping like little angels.

"I never thought you and I would be spending the night in Kathy's basement with our kids," Olivia said as she pulled the blanket up around McKenna and kissed her gently.

"We can get a hotel room if you'd like."

"No, this is fine. I didn't mean anything by it."

"We should get to bed. I have to work in the morning."

"Yeah," Olivia agreed as she climbed into bed and turned off the lamp.

They laid there in the dark for a little while, then Elliot rolled over and scooted in against her. Olivia rolled over to face her husband and stared at him in the dark.

"I don't know what I would have done if I had lost you," he said softly placing a tender kiss on her lips. "I love you so much. You and the kids are my entire world."

"I love you too," Olivia said placing her fingertip against his mouth. "We came so close to losing everything."

"To losing each other. And our family."

Elliot kissed her again and before she knew it they were in the middle of a hot make out session.

"Elliot wait," she said pushing him back and staring at him.

"What is it? The kids? They are asleep," he said with a grin.

"I don't want to have sex in the same room our children are sleeping in. And I really don't want to have sex with you in your ex-wife's house."

"Liv, Kathy is asleep upstairs. She would never know. Besides, we're married. I am sure she knows we have sex. How else would we have ended up with two beautiful baby girls?"

"I know Kathy knows we have sex. And I'm sure after being married to you for almost twenty years she knows you have a healthy sexual appetite. I'm sure she probably assumes we have sex three times a week."

"At least three, usually four or five times a week," Elliot seemed to brag.

Olivia smiled.

"Still, not gonna happen here. I just think it is disrespectful."

Elliot bit the corner of his pillow and growled as Olivia laughed.

"Maybe we should get a hotel room," Elliot said leaning forward to kiss her.

"Like you said, we'll figure something out. Get some sleep, Stabler."

"Sleep? I might have to go take a cold shower."

Olivia giggled.

"Good night, Elliot."

"Good night, Olivia."


	23. 23 What Olivia Wants, Olivia Gets

_Desperation_

_(Chapter Twenty Three: What Olivia Wants, Olivia Gets)_

The room stood still as Olivia made her way through the door and made her way across the floor.

"Hey, Liv."

"Hey, Fin."

"Nice dress. What are you all dolled up for?" he asked staring at her in amazement.

Olivia stood before him in a layered silk spring dress that fell just above her knee. The black material had a soft splash of pastel pinks and blues, that wrapped perfectly around her body and seemed to float as she walked.

"Nothing special," She replied with a smile. "I just took McKenna to school and thought I would drop by and see my husband at work."

"Well, it looks like you bounced back quickly. "

"I'm not fully recovered, just yet. I still have a little while before I can go back to work."

"You look beautiful. I would never guess that you were just shot, less than a week ago."

"Yeah well, a little rest, time at home with my family and some great pain medication," Olivia laughed.

"Elliot is in the back," Fin said nodding over his shoulder. "He had a little downtime and was working out."

"Thanks. Hey Fin, can you do me a big favor…"

Elliot was standing in front of his locker getting his stuff together to take a shower.

"Hey sexy," Olivia said in a sultry voice as a long tanned leg stretched out around the edge of the lockers. "What do you say we turn on a nice hot shower and make a little steam of our own?"

Elliot turned and stared as a grin slowly crossed his face.

"I'm sorry ma'am, but you must have me confused with someone else. I'm a married man and I am pretty sure that my incredibly sexy wife wouldn't be too happy about another woman flirting with me in the locker room. So, thank you for the offer, but I think I would rather go home to my gorgeous wife and little girls than to share a sexy shower with a stranger."

Olivia smiled as she peeked around the side of the lockers.

"That's sweet, El."

"Come here, you."

Olivia laughed as she wrapped her arms around his neck.

"Watch it, I'm all sweaty."

"I kind of like you all sweaty."

"Oh yeah?" Elliot asked as he kissed her tenderly.

"Yeah. I happen to think my man is incredibly sexy when he is all covered in sweat," she said as she slid her hands up under his tee shirt and growled playfully.

"Where are the kids?" Elliot asked staring into the dark depths of her eyes.

"McKenna decided she wanted to go back to school today. So I dropped her off about an hour ago."

"And the baby?"

"Maureen's morning classes were canceled and she offered to keep October so that I could stop by here and take my handsome husband to lunch."

"Ahh, that was nice of her."

"It was," Olivia agreed with a nod teased him with a soft kiss on the lips.

"So….we're alone?"

"All alone," she said turning around to smile at him seductively over her right shoulder as she let the sleeve of the dress slide down revealing just a bit more flesh.

"That's a nice dress," Elliot barely managed to spit out as he choked over his words.

"Do you like it? I got it on sale," she said smoothing her hand down her body as he stared at her unable to even blink. "This is the first day in a while it has been warm enough to wear a dress and I wanted to look nice for my lunch date with my husband."

"Really nice," Elliot gulped as he stepped closer to smell her perfume.

Olivia laughed as he snaked his arms around her waist and pulled her in against his chest. Elliot placed a trail of soft kisses up the side of her neck and playfully bit her earlobe.

"What if someone comes in?" he asked looking toward the door.

"I wouldn't worry about that," Olivia replied turning around to kiss him again.

"No?"

"No. I took care of it."

"You did?"

"I slipped Fin a twenty to watch the door so I could have a few minutes alone with my husband."

"Oh yeah?"

Olivia smiled and nodded.

"And I locked the door," she whispered as she leaned forward and bit his lower lip.

"I owe him big time," Elliot growled as he slipped his hands up under her ass to lift her up.

Olivia laughed and kissed him passionately as she wrapped her legs around his waist and Elliot spun her around backing them across the room to sit her on the counter beside the sink.

Olivia moaned and tipped her head back in ecstasy as Elliot pushed his hands under her skirt pulling off her white lace bikini underwear in one slick move. He unzipped the back of the dress allowing it to fall loose around her shoulders and exposing the curve of the top of her breasts.

"I am the luckiest man in the whole damn world," Elliot mumbled before he crashed his mouth against hers again.

"El," she gasped, "turn on the shower."

"You really want to do this in the shower?"

"No," she laughed. "But it has been a little while since I made love to my husband," she said leaning back against the mirror to stare at him. "I might want to make a little noise."

"The shower….got it," he said with a kiss as he stumbled across the room with his pants around his ankles to turn on the water.

Olivia giggled at the sight of him.

"You are bad," Elliot said pointing at her.

"Baby, you haven't seen bad yet," she replied pulling him back to her by the shirt.

Elliot pulled her forward on the counter to meet his waist as Olivia pushed his boxers into the floor. He leaned her back and pulled her hips forward guiding her onto him.

Olivia winced and gasped a little as he began to move inside of her. Within moments they were both moaning as Elliot moved harder and faster. She tipped her head back and whimpered as he bit at her neck. Olivia gasped as she shuddered under him.

"Am I hurting you?"

"No," she whispered between kisses. "Just watch my shoulder."

"Baby, I'm sorry."

"It's okay. You're good. God, you're so good. Just don't stop," she gasped as she clawed up his back under his shirt.

When they had finished Olivia laid her head against Elliot's shoulder as he combed his fingers through her hair.

"I really missed being with you. But I'm sorry it wasn't more romantic."

"El," she said raising her head to look into his eyes, "We have two kids together and we're married now. It doesn't have to be about romance every time. Don't get me wrong, the romance is nice. But all I really need is you."

Elliot smiled and kissed her.

"You deserve romance all of the time. I don't know how I ever got lucky enough to have a real chance with you."

"What does that mean?" she asked as she pulled the dress back onto her shoulders.

"Look at you. You are smart and beautiful….and way out of my league. Girls like you don't date guys like me. It is against some genetic law of conduct or something."

"Who are you to tell me who I should and shouldn't be with?" she asked pretending to be offended. "Besides, I'm not dating you I just married you."

"Just married me?" he asked as she zipped up the back of her dress and began to look for her panties.

"Yeah," she said with a bit of sass, "I'm just using you for the hot sex and beautiful kids."

"Oh good," Elliot said with a smile. "I all of this time I was worried you were only with me for the money."

Olivia stared at him as they both laughed. Elliot pressed his forehead to hers and kissed her tenderly.

"I really do like this dress."

Olivia smiled and kissed him back.

"Thank you."

"I'm sorry things have been so crazy lately," he said stepping back and tossing his work out clothes into a pile in the floor as he moved to the shower.

Olivia picked up her panties from the counter and stood up to put them back on. She turned and wiped the steam from the mirror and straightened her dress and hair.

"It will get better, once we are into our own place again," she said as she stared at her reflection.

"I know. But I can't help but feel like I am letting you down," Elliot said as he turned off the water and reached for his towel, "you and the girls."

"You didn't let us down, El."

"I am your husband and their father. I am supposed to be responsible for the safety of my wife and children."

"None of this was your fault. If anyone is to blame here, it's me. These guys followed me here from Galveston. This was my past coming back to haunt me and it almost got my husband and little girls killed, too."

"You know, the man told me….when he tied me up, that they wouldn't hurt the kids. He told his partner to find you and I begged him not to hurt you. He said that he couldn't take a chance with you and I because we could identify him. But no one would believe a child. He promised he wouldn't hurt the girls. He was going to leave them unharmed."

"Elliot, they were criminals….murders. What makes you think that he would think twice about lying to you. I saw the look in his eyes, they both had it, they came there to kill. And I don't believe for one second that they would have spared McKenna or October. Those men were evil."

"But they are gone now," he said cupping his hand against her cheek. "They are dead. You killed them both and protected our family. You saved us, Olivia. Not me. I should have just listened to you when you begged me to take the kids and leave the house and no one would have gotten hurt."

"But if you had….if we had just left that night, those men would have just found us again. They wouldn't be dead and this wouldn't be finished. They would always be there somewhere behind us lurking in the shadows and making us feel unsafe. Haunting us because they were still alive. But they can't do that now. Because they are dead. Gone forever. Those men will never hurt any of us again. This was what it took to end this once and for all. Closure."

"I guess you're right. It was just kind of the hard way for everybody. I got hurt, you got shot. And there are tons of emotional scars for you and McKenna. Even little October hasn't been the same since this mess took place. She has sleeping through the night since she was three months old and now both kids end up in bed with us every night. I just want to be able to make my family feel safe again."

"It is just going to take a little time. I know and the kids know that their daddy would do anything to protect us. We love you and we trust you, Elliot. I know we will all be okay again. We just got spooked, that's all. Once things settle back down and are stable again, everything will be fine. I have faith in you, in us as a family. It's gonna be alright, you'll see."

"You are so amazing," Elliot said kissing her tenderly as she tied his tie and he slipped on the jacket he had been wearing before going to work out. "When ever things get tough, you keep me going."

"We keep each other going. And that is why we make such a perfect couple."

"You, my dear, are absolutely right."

"So, how about that lunch? Well brunch," she said looking at the clock behind him on the wall.

"Definitely. I think we both probably worked up quite an appetite. But first, there is something I want to show you."

"What is it?"

"It's a surprise."

Olivia smiled as he placed his hand in the small of her back and walked her out of the locker room. In the bullpen, Fin sat at his desk grinning like an idiot as he watched them stroll out the door like nothing had happened.

In the parking garage, Elliot pulled a handkerchief from his jacket pocket and tied it around her eyes.

"Seriously?" Olivia protested.

"It is only a few blocks and I don't want you peeking," he said as he pulled into traffic.

"Alright, but this had better be good."

"I think you will like it. I _hope_ you will like it."

"Don't I get any clues?"

"Nope. But you don't have to wait much longer."

Ten minutes later, Elliot pulled the car over and helped her climb out. Standing on the sidewalk, Olivia could hear the city traffic behind her.

"Here we are."

"Can I look now?"

"You can look," he said pulling the blindfold from her eyes and kissing the back of her head. "What do you think?"

"It's our old apartment building."

"Yeah."

Olivia looked confused as she turned around to look at him. That was when a woman approached Elliot from across the street.

"Liv, this is Janet Coldbrook. The realtor."

"Nice to meet you," Olivia said shaking the woman's hand still unsure of what he was up to.

"It is very nice to finally meet you, Mrs. Stabler. I have been working with your husband for a few days now and I think that I might have something here that could be what you are looking for."

"Wait, I'm sorry…. Elliot, what is going on here? Our apartment didn't sell?"

"Well, no ma'am it hasn't sold yet," the woman said.

"El honey, I appreciate what you are trying to do here. But the entire reason we moved out of that apartment is that it is just too small for our family. Since we had the baby, there isn't enough room for all of the kids."

"Would you just let her finish?" Elliot insisted with a smile.

Olivia looked back at the woman.

"Your apartment has not sold yet. But I may have a couple who are willing to sublet, if you are interested. The property I wanted to show you is on the top floor."

"The penthouse?" Olivia asked as she shifted her eyes to watch her husband's reaction.

"Yes, ma'am."

"It's for sale?"

"Yes, ma'am."

Olivia smiled and looked back at Elliot.

"Oh," she said as he took her hand in his to show her inside.

As they stepped out of the elevator on the top floor, the woman's cell phone rang.

"I have to take this," she said as she pushed the door open. "Why don't the two of you go on inside and take a look around. I'll be out here if you have any questions."

"Thank you," Olivia replied with a smile.

Elliot squeezed her hand in his as they walked around the apartment.

"Wall to wall hard wood floors. This place is much nicer than the apartment we were in."

"How many bedrooms?"

"She said on the phone it was five bedrooms with two full bathrooms. One in the master bedroom of course."

"That I like," she said with a smile.

"What about this?" Elliot asked pushing open the door to the smallest of the bedrooms. "Right next to our room and it is the perfect size for October's nursery."

"I love the view," she said as she looked out the window at the skyline. "Our room has it, too. And this apartment has the private roof access. There is a deck up there with a great view and perfect for barbeques. We can put McKenna in here and use the other two rooms for the bigger kids when they come spend the weekend."

"It is beautiful. What about the price?"

"It is almost the same price as the house. I already listed that. I would kind of be like a trade."

"Almost, higher? Or almost, lower?"

Elliot laughed.

"No, actually we would be saving a couple of thousand dollars."

"I thought we decided that it was best to move the kids to the country and out of the city?"

"I don't know about you, but I think I have had my fill of the country for a while. Baby, we know the area. We know the building and we know the neighbors. McKenna can go back to her old school, with all of her friends. You and I would be blocks away from her school and work. And there is a daycare center there in the building with McKenna's school."

He watched her and followed as she lead him up to the roof.

"This is beautiful," Olivia said looking out at the view.

"If you want to stay in the country, I can have her keep looking. But I figured this was something to think about. I myself kind of like the fact that it doesn't take an hour for an ambulance to arrive when you dial 911. I never thought that would be a considering factor in purchasing a home. But having small children and after having to use the service recently, it has become one."

"What do you think?" she asked staring into his eyes.

"I think we could make a good life here. Look how happy we were in the other apartment. It is kind of like coming home again, only better. And McKenna likes it here, she feels safe here. I think we all do. Or did. I think maybe being in this neighborhood again could help bring us back to that."

"Okay," Olivia said kissing him tenderly. "Let's go ask her when we can sign the papers."

"Really?"

"Yeah, this place is great. And you're right, we were all happy here. I don't think we would have ever moved if the apartment hadn't been too small for our family. This is better. Besides, I'm a city girl. I think I belong in Manhattan."

"I know you do and so do our kids."

Olivia laughed and kissed her husband as they made their way back downstairs.


	24. 24 Tradition

_Desperation_

_(Chapter Twenty Four: Tradition)_

"Mommy, when can we sleep at our new house?" McKenna asked as she climbed into her bed on the loveseat.

"Well, daddy and uncle Munch and uncle Fin almost have us all moved in. Maybe tomorrow night we stay in our new house. Mommy can help you decorate your new bedroom."

"That will be fun. Mom, can Boots sleep in my bedroom at our new house?"

"Of course she can. She can sleep right beside your bed."

"Good. Cause when Boots is at our house the bad guys stay away."

"Kenna, baby, the bad guys aren't going to bother us any more. I want you go get some sleep and have good dreams," Olivia said kissing her daughter and tucking her in.

She made her way across the room to check on baby October resting peacefully in her playpen. She tucked the blanket around the baby and moved into the bathroom to talk to her husband.

Steam bellowed out of the bathroom as she opened the door. Olivia looked back onto the living area where her children slept, McKenna and the baby were both sleeping soundly. She smiled as she closed the door behind her and dropped her night gown into the bathroom floor.

Olivia pulled back the shower curtain and stepped into the shower behind her husband. She stepped forward and smoothed her hands over the wet muscles of his shoulders and back.

"Hey you," Elliot said as he turned around to face her.

"Hey you," she said leaning forward to kiss him.

"The kids asleep?"

"Yes. And Boots is standing guard. She is the best dog. I only wish she had been there that night."

"I've been thinking about that. I think they were watching the house for a while. They probably saw me take the dog to the vet and return without her."

"You think those men knew you were taking the dog to get her spayed?"

"Maybe not that much, but they knew the dog wasn't there. That was the perfect time to make a move."

"El, if it's alright with you I would really rather not talk about that night anymore. Ever."

"Okay, baby. I'm sorry," he said wrapping his arms around her and kissing her tenderly.

"Kenna wants to know if we can sleep in our new apartment tomorrow night?"

"I don't see why not. Might be nice to have our own space again."

"Yeah," she said with a smile. "You guys have us all moved in?"

"For the most part. I have a few more boxes to get from the house, but the beds are all set up and the important things are there. I can probably have the house completely cleaned out by this weekend."

"That is great. It will be nice to finally be settled into our own home again. And have a little privacy."

"Be able to make love in our own bed," Elliot said kissing her. "Every night."

Olivia laughed as he backed her against the shower wall.

"I thought we agreed we weren't having sex in Kathy's house."

"This is my house and you agreed."

"That's right, I did."

"But they are all asleep. And the shower is on. Nobody is going to her us," he whispered against her ear as he kissed her again as he pushed her knee up.

Olivia moaned softly as he kissed her and nipped at the flesh on the underside of her neck. He pushed forward entering her and they shared steamy hot sex in the shower. Afterward Elliot slipped into his boxers and went to check on the girls while Olivia got dressed.

She picked up his towel off the floor and hung it on the hook behind the door. Then she shut off the light and moved into the bed with her husband.

"I'm sure Kathy will be happy to have the house back," she said with a yawn as she settled into him.

"Kathy likes having us here and this way all of the kids have a little time together. I think it has really helped Kenna through this mess."

"I know it has. But it has also got to be strange to have your ex-husband, his wife and their two kids living in your basement."

"And the dog. Don't forget about Boots."

"And the dog," Olivia laughed. "She's a saint for putting up with us this long. I'm sure she gets woke up every night when October gets us up. It will be nice to get settled into a place of our own again where our little girls can feel at home."

"Hopefully, after we get moved in, the baby will start sleeping through the night again."

"That would be wonderful," Olivia agreed. "I miss the days when she was asleep by nine o'clock and slept straight through the night until eight o'clock the next morning."

"Those were the days," Elliot said with a yawn. "Lets try to get some sleep," he said kissing the top of her head.

The next afternoon Elliot finished moving the last of the boxes into the new house. Kathy watched October while McKenna was in school so that Olivia could work on getting the house set up. After Olivia picked the kids up she picked up a pizza for dinner.

"Can you carry the pizza while mommy get's October?"

"Yes," McKenna said proudly as she slipped her back pack over her shoulder and took the box from her mother.

"Hold it flat so it doesn't slide and stick to the box."

"I got it, mom."

"Okay," Olivia laughed as she pulled the baby from her car seat and grabbed the diaper bag and her purse.

Inside the apartment McKenna slid the pizza box onto the kitchen counter while Olivia dropped her things on the sofa.

"Do you want to go check out your room?" she asked looking at her oldest daughter.

"Yes," McKenna said with a smile.

"Come on."

Olivia carried October on her hip down the hall until they reached the first bedroom.

"It has my name on the door," McKenna said with a smile.

"Yes, it does. Open the door."

Olivia laughed as McKenna closed her eyes tight and pushed the door open as she stepped inside. The little girl took a deep breath and opened her eyes to look around her new bedroom.

"Wow, mom!"

"Do you like it?"

"I love it!"

"Mommy picked out the paint and daddy and uncle Fin painted it just for you."

The walls were pink and purple with large Disney Princess decals on one wall and Dora and Boots on the another. Across the ceiling were large colorful flowers and the twin bed she had in her old room had been traded up for a full sized bed with a pink canopy. The bedding was pink with purple butterflies and across the room she had her own television and DVD player. In one corner of the room was a large pink dog bed that had the word "Princess" scrolled across the back in big purple letters.

"I love this room, mom."

"You do?"

"Yes! And I got a TV?"

"That way you can watch your movies in your room whenever you want. The shelf over there has all of your games and books and the toy box is in the closet. And you miss McKenna are responsible for keeping it clean. This is a big girl room. It is more grown up than the bedroom you had before. So, you have to treat it like a big girl room. Pick up after yourself and take care of things."

"I will, momma. And Boots got a new bed, too."

"Yes. We all got new rooms. Let's go see October's room."

"Okay," McKenna said leading the way to the door with her baby sister's name on it.

October's nursery a was painted a soft pink color with white trim. The dark wood furniture from her old nursery was arranged perfectly and her pink and brown bedding had little pink butterflies on it. On the walls were little butterfly decals and three framed butterfly prints that matched the quilt in her crib.

"Her room has butterflies, too."

"It sure does. I think butterflies are pretty."

"Me too," McKenna agreed. "Do you have butterflies in your room, mom?"

"No, honey. I share a room with daddy and I don't think that guys like pink butterflies."

McKenna laughed.

"You're probably right mom. Butterflies are for girls."

"So, daddy will be home in just a little while. What do you say you go wash your hands and you can help me finish making dinner for our first meal in our new house."

"Okay," McKenna said in excitement as she ran down the hall to the bathroom.

Olivia carried October into the living room and put in a movie for her. She sat the baby in the floor and changed her diaper, then handed her some toys to occupy her for a little while.

She made her way into the kitchen and washed up, then sat a stack of plates on the dining room table. She pulled out a large salad bowl and began to cut up the stuff for a salad, as McKenna set the table. A few minutes later, Olivia pulled a step stool over to the counter and let McKenna help to toss the salad.

"Daddy," McKenna squealed rushing to her father.

"Hey honey, how do you like your new room."

"I love it! And October loves hers, too."

"She does?"

"I think she does, dad."

Elliot kissed his daughter then sat her back down.

"Have you been helping mommy?"

"Yes. I set the table and helped make the salad."

"Good girl. I went back to Aunt Kathy's to get the rest of our stuff and pick up Boots. I just took her for a walk. Why don't you go put some food in her bowl so she can have some dinner, too. Then go wash your hands again."

"Okay, daddy."

"Hey baby," Elliot said slipping his arms around his wife as he kissed her.

"Hey."

"What is for dinner? I'm starving."

"Pizza and salad."

"Pizza and salad," he repeated.

"First night in a new home, El. Pizza is tradition."

"Yeah," McKenna said from across the room as she washed her hands at the kitchen sink, "it's tradition, dad."

Elliot smiled.

"What does tradition mean, mommy?"

"Tradition, means something that you always do at a special time. Like….exchanging gifts on Christmas Day."

"Oh," she said nodding her head as she climbed into her chair and put her napkin in her lap.

Olivia carried October in and put her in her high chair at the table, then tied a bib on her.

"You are giving her pizza?" Elliot asked.

"It is tradition," Olivia said with a smile. "And it is all crust and cheese. I picked off the pepperoni and hamburger. She is celebrating today, too daddy."

"Celebrating her new bedroom?"

"And her new tooth," Olivia added as she opened the baby's mouth to show off her second tooth. "Now she has both of her bottom front teeth. That is enough to nibble a piece of pizza crust. I'll give her a jar of baby food, too. But I want to see if she likes pizza."

"Everybody likes pizza, mommy," McKenna said as she took a big bite.

"Yeah, everybody likes pizza mommy," Elliot repeated with a smile.

"Everybody in this family anyway," she replied as October squealed happily and held a piece of pizza crust in each hand trying to decide which one to bite first.

"It has been a long day. I was thinking maybe after dinner, I could clean up in here and help you give the girls a bath. We could put the baby to bed early and McKenna and Boots can watch a movie in their new room, while you and I…." he paused for a moment and looked over at their seven year old staring at him, "work on another tradition."

Elliot shifted his eyes to meet Olivia's and she smiled.

"That sounds like a plan to me," she agreed with a wink.

_**THE END**_


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